Would you want to hear your nanny is rubbish?

[Nannyme22]

I have a 'friend' who is also a nanny and she is the one person I would not recommend to my boss even if it was a babysit and children in bed I woukd not want her looking after my charge!
She is awful to the kids but parents think she is great. She spends lots of time in coffee shops and just walking around shops looking for stuff for herself, she ignores children (2 under 2) and sits in other room on her phone, walks off after classes and doesn't help children down stairs so they end up falling or going wrong way, tells them to be quiet if they are upset never comforts them.
I just feel so sorry for the poor kids and there is nothing I can do about it :-(

Do you like her? If not - nothing to lose. Contact the parents and tell them. Do as you would be done by and all that...

I have a friend who is not a good nanny but for some reason her bosses love her too :-( she's very fake in front of them

Please tell the parent. This is my worst nightmare (am currently in process of hiring a nanny)!

Think carefully about this. In your opinion are the children in danger? Be totally sure of what you have witnessed her do or not do with the children. If you think they are truly suffering then you need to express your concerns to the parents.

Also reflect on / think about the times you might:
be on your mobile phone
be in a coffee shop
be walking around shops
not comfort child when they fall
let child have a go at walking, climbing downstairs

Often we are too quick to criticise others. Just be sure.

Unfortunately I know a few nannies who fall into that category but I wouldn't say anything unless I felt they were in any danger. We all have different nannying styles, just like parenting styles differ, and it could be the parents are aware of what she does & are happy with it.

How is there "nothing you can do about it"? Tell the parents

Under what circumstances would you not comfort a child who's hurt themselves, Tapestry? I can't actually think of one.

VinoandBrie. Try not to worry. There are lots of great nannies out there. People just like to have a pop at the ones they think aren't great, generally from a snapshot, in a situation where if it was the parent doing the same thing it wouldn't even register. Good luck finding a lovely one!

Thank you chipping!

As a parent hiring a nanny I would much rather know. A couple of friends criticised our nanny (after she had left/been let go by us), but I sooo wish they had told me before when I was trying to work out why it just didn't feel right. It might be the parents suspect but have no evidence as they don't see the nanny at work.

if you have serious concerns then yes you need to speak to parents, or drop a note through their door if you dont want to 'see' them, state facts and if possible arrange a situation where the parents can 'observe' nanny either in a class or pop home early etc

I am a nanny to a 1 year old.

If I were to reflect on

times you might:
*be on your mobile phone - Often texting bosses/checking emails from bosses although occasionally I am texting a nanny friend to check if they are on their way.

• be in a coffee shop - we go to a family friendly cafe twice a week with friends for a drink/play - we have a small workhouse so its nice to have somewhere to meet friends to play/to get out the house/to grab a coffee. DC plays with friends, reads books with me, chats with the other nannies etc. If I do go to Costa - once a fortnight it's because I've been at work since 6am and am clamoring to leave the house by 8am and in fact dc gets more of my attention there as 1) it's just us [no friends] 2) they have no toys to amuse them
• be walking around shops - we have to go into central town to go to groups so may sometimes pop into the shops either for groceries or errands, or if running early we may have a browse in some shops - my bosses want a home from home environment and sometimes that means popping into Primark to pick up new socks, or going into waterstones and browsing the books.
• not comfort child when they fall - Sometimes I'll call a "Up you get" and sometimes I'll run over and scoop them up - I know my charge and what works in which situation.
• let child have a go at walking, climbing downstairs - I don't often have a choice DC sees steps and heads instinctively there, sometimes I turn my back for a second to get something out the bag and they've gone.

If there are major concerns then tell their bosses but if it's just a case of different caring strategies then you'll need to get over it. My 1 year old is a very different kettle of fish to their friends and the strategies I use are different because of that - it doesn't make me/them a bad nanny but a nanny that knows what works well for their charges.

If you let my one year old charge towards a flight of steps while you "turned your back for a second" I'd sack you on the spot, DearGirl.

FloggingMolly There is no human being on earth who could look after a child and never, ever take their eyes off them. No nanny, mother, father, grandparent, childminder or nursery worker. You would get through an awful lot of carers if you sacked them if they turned away for a second! I assume you also blink sometimes, so you're obviously not fit to care for your child....you could hand them over to SS, but foster carers also blink....I suggest you hand your child over to some kind of robot intelligence. Or move to a country where there are no steps?

OP it's not really for you to judge whether this nanny is 'rubbish'. You can, and should if you are concerned, report honestly and accurately what you have seen though.

So instead of 'I don't think X is doing a good job because she spends loads of time in Costa' you should tell them 'I've seen X in Costa everyday this week'. It's for them to decide whether that is 'rubbish' or not.

floggingmolly - I am with you! When you are at home, there is a stair gate but when out and about you hold their hand. It's not a question of 'watching' them, it's a question of restraining them from pitching themselves down a flight of stairs! If there is a set of steps near a one year old you don't choose that moment to let go of them and look in your bag for something!

I think unless you believe the children are in danger you should mind your own business. I presume you only see a snapshot of what she does in a day, some people are so quick to judge.

When there's a flight of steps or something similar in the foreground, obviously, Outraged. At least I thought it was obvious...

It was obvious. In fact you said 'If you let my one year old charge towards a flight of steps'. So the steps bit was really obvious. But there are steps everywhere. You only blink when in a stepless room?! Of course not. Turning your back and your child charging towards steps/other dangers happens to everyone. It's the turning back and catching them before they hurt themselves that matters. That's why what you said was so stupid. Sacking someone because your child went towards steps? Clearly ridiculous.

If the children were regularly falling down stairs, I think the parents might have noticed by now.

Are you genuinely concerned, or have you got a problem with the nanny for other reasons?

Don't get me wrong accidents happen and I don't expect carers no matter who they are to be perfect but as a nanny employed to look after someone's child I would never treat the children as she does.
And yes a handful of times I have run my own errand with little one post office trip or something but that is if I have done everything else I done not walk him aimlessly around a shop every day cause I'm bored and want to have a look.

Right now it is a snapshot yes but we used to hang out a lot but now charge is in nursery we don't and I also don't want to cringe every time I see how she treats children.

I do honestly think it is a matter of time before they have a serious accident. At the moment they are stopped by other nannies at play group and outings who know the children and are stopping them falling of chairs or pulling her hot coffee on them or running out the door while she sits there on the phone.
I've met the parents a couple of times I would feel off just rocking up and saying I feel your nanny isn't doing the best... They still think she is amazing cause only see her in handover.
I think they are suffering developmentally too. Which I do think will sort itself out but I just hate watching it.

I would want to know. I know exactly what you mean - I know someone who is a shit childminder (same sort of thing). You can tell. If I knew the charges' parents (I don't) I think I'd need to drop some kind of hint.

I do think your 'friend' is a pretty bad Nanny but I don't think it's your job to tell the parents what you think of her. Like Outraged said, you can definitely voice your concern by stating the facts and saying something along the line of " I am worried that X doesn't pay enough attention while outside with the kids as this (state example) happened the other day, I thought you should know." It's up to them to judge if it's worth firing the Nanny or not.

But to be honest there is a lot of things that you might not know about the nanny and her agreement with the family.

For example, I am looking for a child under 1 and I am allowed to bring her everywhere I want to as long as she still has some sort of routine.
Same when I was looking after 18 months old twins so her shopping for herself or spending time at the coffee shop might not be a problem at all for the parents, but sure enough if you see her there all the time you must be there quite often as well ?

The stair thing is a no-no though as she should definitely help them and always make sure they are safe. You can't always prevent a kid from hurting themselves, but she is definitely being irresponsible here.

The not comforting kid when they are upset is always heartbreaking when you witness it but sometimes it's for a very good reason.

I ALWAYS comfort my kids when they hurt themselves but I won't comfort them every time they get upset. Kids get upset very easily and often for no reasons and most of them totally know how to get what they want by putting on a show.
My nine months old is very good at that game and she'll often start crying because she doesn't want to get changed or because I am taking too long to bring the spoon to her mouth etc... I have no reason to comfort her when she is throwing a tantrum and I won't do it as I don't want her to end up spoilt and thinking that it's okay to cry for no reason and that she'll even get a pat on the back for doing so.

I don't think that makes me a bad au pair? Just an Au Pair that want her child to be independent and have good habits when it comes to living in society.

Same with not always being all the time next to the baby. I am always in the same room and always keep an eye on her, but there is time where I take a step back and let her play on her own. It's important that she becomes independent and have time on 'her own' as well.

Keep in mind that most parents check their phone, calls, text, surf the net or watch TV while taking care of their kids and that doesn't make them unfit to look after their kids, just humans.

This Nanny obviously lake common sense and seems to have no knowledge of the basics of safety and I would definitely address this issue to the parents as you are better safe than sorry, but for the rest I would keep it to myself (I highly doubt their developmental issues, if they have any, has anything to do with the Nanny anyway.)

Good luck ! :)

As a parent/nanny employer yes, I would want you to tell me.

Quite apart from the children's well being - it is unfair that someone like this has a good job when there are great nannies out there struggling to find work.

Yes one or two things off your list could be explained by "it was a one off" or "taken out of context" or "parents are ok with that" but the whole list together is Not Good.