Hi All
First time poster. It's maybe a bit of an odd set up (or perhaps it's more usual than I think!) but my family are set to be at loggerheads over an issue and despite my best attempts I can't think of a solution. Bear with me as I think that it's probably useful to set out the background (apologies for the mini essay but I don't know how other than this to convey the situation).
The situation is follows:
My sister has two children, a little one at nursery and the other in the first year of primary. For years our parents have helped look after the girls. They do this selflessly: they pay for all their own travel, get up really early in the morning and travel to where my sister lives which is a good minimum hour to two hours from where they have a place. They are never offered anything in terms of expenses: they even have to buy the children food and make their breakfast and lunch when they look after them, despite the fact that my sister and brother in law are very well off. In fact, when they return from work my mum and dad are treated essentially like hired help, told that they can go and never asked if they want to have dinner together. In truth, this treatment both angers and kind of horrifies me at times, given how uncaring it is.
Here's the rub: my parents adore the girls and vice versa. They have recently retired themselves (yes, they managed to fit in working themselves to look after the girls). My sister still expects the same level of support from my parents, and is unwilling to compromise on ANYTHING. Essentially: get your butts here first thing, look after them, then go so hubby and I can have quality time.
My dad does not have great health. They feel tremendously guilty but think they may need to cut down on their support of the girls because my dad has had a serious stroke. He also was involved in a major road accident and is now nervous about driving and would prefer not to. However, the quickest route to the girls is by car therefore that is what my sister insists on, irrespective of how stressed out it makes my dad. The girls are brilliant but very nervous little things and have confidence issues, my brother in law in particular can be very loud and commanding which can intimidate them. For that reason among others my parents are worried about how the girls would be without them in their life.
I live abroad (Canada) and rarely get to see anyone back in the UK. My parents have a really nice home which they always planned to retire to which is perfect for them to live in as they get older, but it is even further away than their apartment: the house is around 2 hours away (driving).
My parents are very stressed about the whole thing and keep looking to me for advice. My sister's view is that essentially they are servants and should do as she says, and should never be reimbursed or any compromise made.
I have no idea what to advise my parents anymore and don't want to give them any disastrous advice so I throw it open to to you guys, any thoughts or advice is hugely appreciated.
Thank You
Davey