Lying child WWYD?

[katymason01]

Hello
I am a few months into my first nanny job, I am enjoying it so far, however I'm not sure how to approach this:
One of my school age charges (8) has a problem with lying, from the usual making up lies about what she did at the weekend (that i know not to be true) to telling me blatant lies.
I'm the only other person (who can open the stair gate) in the house and I know I didn't do these things.
Such as taking the toilet roll from the bathroom, (i have no clue where it was put) when asked said she didn't do it.
Taking her bday present out of her mums wardrobe and opening it and taking the contents of wardrobe out and leaving all over the floor.
Taking all the babies toys out of the toy storage chest in the babies room (i think she was looking for Xmas presents as happened before Xmas and a chair had been pulled up to the closet and the contents were all messed up), loads more things like mum says I can do this for exampleeating dinner watching tv on the sofa (mum has told me dinne at table and no tv til after dinner and homework). She helps herself to snacks when im doin bathtime she will be sitting next to the wrapper I will ask her to put the packaging in the bin she will say it's not hers when everyone else has been upstairs. This is just what I have witnessed. I hope her mum doesnt think im goin through her wardrobe. Got loads more ....

If I was in your shoes I would probably express my concerns to the mother of the child to see what she has to say and how she thinks I should deal with it. They are a few things that can probably be done like maybe locking the mother's room when she is not in the house so her daughter can't access it and rummage through her stuffs?

I would definitely have a talk with the child and gently explain her that lying is not on and why ( might have to go through the whole '' the boy who cried wolf" story again). Tell her that you and her mother are working as a team and that you know what she is allowed or not to do and that even though she doesn't want to eat dinner on the table with the TV that's what will happen because when her mother is not around you are the one in charge and that she doesn't get to make the rules and have to follow yours.

Then I would tell her that you trust her but if she can't be trusted when she is on her own for a couple minutes and the house keeps turning into a mess then she would have to stay around you and her siblings ALL the time until you can trust her again ( I am pretty sure she doesn't want that).

Good luck ! :)

Respectifuly I will disagree, it most certainly is a Nannys place to discipline and correct a child when they misbehave.
I can assure you if my charge behaved like that he would be disciplined and his mum would be backing me up!

To the OP I think you need to sit you charges mum down and discuss the situation. Perhaps simple things like moving any snacks out of her reach, as another poster said locking parents door. and a reward chart for the meal time issues.

Any good parent/boss will back you up and work with you to solve this issue good luck.

Is the lying a new thing ? Since the baby arrived. Does she need more one to one time. Maybe her parents have been busy with the baby and allowed discipline to slip.
I agree disciplining her is a Nanny's role. Quietlysuggests, do you ask the teachers at school not to discipline your child when they are in school care?
A child needs to respect the nanny and follow her advice/rules. Could be dangerous otherwise - eg when out with traffic etc.
I would also talk to mum and decide a plan. But I would talk to little girl and explain why we need to tell the truth. Maybe you could get her to write some house rules with you, give her ownership. Lots of praise when she is helpful etc. And definitely some one to one time or activities of her choice.

Discipline is absolutely part of a nanny's job.

I think you need to separate out the behaviour from the lie.

The behaviour, even if she was truthful about it, is completely unacceptable. That needs to be dealt with however you normally deal with bad behaviour (loss of some sort of treat generally?). Make sure you are really praising the good behaviour as well. You should always praise more than you tell them off, even if they are really naughty. Find something they are doing well and praise them up about it.

Lying is something all children do, it's just part of normal development, although obviously still unpleasant. I would talk to her about why it's important to be truthful and why it's horrible to tell lies etc. Explain that you will always be pleased is she tells you the truth and that any punishment will be reduced if she is truthful from the start. If you know she is lying let her know. With the denying that the snack wrapper is hers, for example, I would just say 'Of course it's your wrapper, don't be silly, put it in the bin now please and don't tell me lies'. You can't expect to get rid of lying completely though. I think ALL children will lie to get themselves out of a jam occasionally! You just want to reduce it to tolerable levels. If you tackle the bad behaviour, she will have less reason to lie in the first place.

Of course being able to discipline when necessary and appropriately is a nanny's job. You are paying a premium for someone who has worthwhile insight and the professional competency to implement this.

I'm a childminder and I have a child who is continually lying. If her mum didn't want me to disapline her for it, then I'm quite happy for them to move on and find someone else to look after their children.

Lying is unwanted behaviour, just like hitting, snatching, pushing, biting, general disobedience and of course a child needs to be pulled up on it. How will they learn it is unacceptable if they are not told not to do it/disapline for it.

I speak to the child's parents when we have a lying episode, but I pull her up on it each time, explaining why we don't lie and remove privilidges and treats from her or remove her from the activity depending what has been lied about.

Unfortunalty the child's teacher thinks it is funny when she does it in school and much to mine and the parents annoyance makes a joke out of it and laughs it off, which is very unhelpful.
quietly out of interest, do you employ a nanny? Do you mind her pulling your children up on other aspects of their behaviour or is just the lying you have a problem with her disciplining your children over?

Please deal with this now - both parents and nanny backing each other up to stop it before it becomes an entrenched habit. One of my D's friends (they are now 17) is still doing this as she's never been pulled up on it until her friends tried to take the matter in hand recently. Lying about exam results, which pieces she's playing on her instrument, loads of trivial and more serious stuff, but it's chronic. She wants to be a doctor, and I find that really worrying!

If I was the mother I would be fuming if you DIDN'T discipline her and tell me about it so that we could work together to change the behaviour!

Nobody likes a liar.