How would you advise this au pair?

[JaneFonda]

My DNiece has a lovely friend from Sweden who is au pairing here - she's 19.

She is meant to look after two boys aged 7 and 8, and there is a 6 month old baby too, who has his own nanny.

The host mum has just returned to work after maternity leave, to a job with an unpredictable finishing time in the evening.

DN's friend is going to be asked to be the 'stand in' between the nanny's finishing time and the mum getting home. She's not happy with this as she has no experience with babies, doesn't want that responsibility, and it was never mentioned when she began in September.

What can she say? I'm trying to think of good advice to give her, but I was an au pair abroad when I was her age and I know how hard it is to be assertive and stand your ground.

Any advice for her?

Surely it would be standard babysitting - how long would it be for and what times. I think 6.3onwards would be fine

I guess it depends on how long she is likely to be in charge for. If it's an hour after baby has been bathed and put to bed then fine. If it's 5pm-10pm and she has the feed, bath, settle to bed etc then that's not really on. If she has no experience of babies she should tell the mum she is not confident enough to handle a baby and would not be happy to do it. And repeat this whatever the mum says.

The issue is more that au pairs aren't meant to have sole care of a child under 2.

She does babysit at night, but when the baby has been fed, changed, and put to bed. This seems different because the baby is awake and requires more than if he were asleep!

I think that's the key point she repeats back. "As an au pair I'm legally unable to care for children under the age of 2."

Thanks all for the advice - I'll definitely recommend all of these things to her.

I feel strangely protective of her, I think because I know what it feels like to be in what is quite a vulnerable situation when there is a disagreement with the host family!

'I think that's the key point she repeats back. "As an au pair I'm legally unable to care for children under the age of 2.'

That would be great if it was true. It's not though. There are no laws around who can look after children in their own home.

It depends on how long she will need to care for the baby for. Most nannies don't finish until 6/6:30pm and if the baby is in bed for 7pm, then she should probably 'man up' and deal with it for an hour. If she isn't yet comfortable with the baby then she can ask the mum/the nanny to help her get comfortable. Using an au pair to bridge the gap between nursery/mum or nanny/mum is perfectly fine and something a lot of people do. Au pairs shouldn't have full-time sole charge or long-term sole charge of a baby, but the occasional hour is fine. Any competent 19 year old can cope with a baby for an hour!

If the nanny is knocking off at 4pm everyday, then it's a different issue.