mix-up childcare medley - is this too much for a 1 yr old

[vroomfondle]

Hi all,

I hope someone can help me out with some advice. I'm planning to return to work for 4 days a week when my son will be one year:

I have been lucky enough that my FIL & MIL are going to look after DS for 2 days a week. That leaves 2 days.
There is a great community nursery that only takes 15 children 1-4 and only 3 below 2, but they are oversubscribed and can only offer one day. That leaves me one day -
I've now found a really lovely childminder who could do that day.

My question is - 2 days with MIL/FIL, 1 day at nursery and 1 day with CM - is that too much for a little one?

DS is confident, loves new people but he's not been left much without me as until now.

My other option is to be that bit poorer and go back 3 days a week -

I've never felt so confused.... coupled with guilt that whatever I do won't be "best" for DS...would love some help from the MN community please?

I know several people who have arrangements where their 1 year olds do 1 or 2 days with each of two sets of grandparents then nursery on another day or two, which is a similar arrangement and they haven't had any problems.
I'm a big fan of the 4 day working week/3 day weekend with my toddler, but I also know others that prefer the 3 day work / 4 day home balance.
Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be fine. We all feel guilt over this sort of thing and really shouldn't- fight the guilt! Celebrate what you are doing for your child!
Good luck.

Can't you start off doing a 3 day week, see how that goes.
If you want to work more, then add the fourth day

Not quite the same but during the week my DS does 1 day with me, 1 day with DH, 2 days with DGM, 1 day with his childminder and has done since he was 10months old.

He has thrived.

Could you try it and see how it goes?

Fwiw, I love my 4 day week. I get an "extra" day at home but don't feel part time at work.

that's reassuring to hear - I got a few comments from childminders that I was meeting- along the lines of "that's too much for a little baby, they need the reassurance of being in one place and one routine"

as for work- I think my gut is go back 4 days - similar reason to you ThomasDisaster - in my job I would feel definitely more out-of-it and p/t doing 3 days. But then everyone says it's harder to then go down to 3 days - easier to do 3 and go up to 4 - why is that?

PS - how do people find childcare from grandparents/inlaws?

Can the CM do both days, so it's jyst GPs and CM?

I'd do the three days too, I think its way too confusing to have nursery and childminder 1 day a week.

You may find you get the extra day at nursery soon and can thn go up to 4 days? Especially if gps can be flexible on their days.

As a childminder, I find childcare seems to work best the fewer arrangements there are for a child. I had a child at maternal grandparents two days a week, paternal gp another day, with me two days and then the with parents at the weekend. The child never settled anywhere. Maybe he would never have settled with me (or in any other childcare), but I don't think it helped him feel settled not knowing where he was going to be each day.

Can you not use a childminder for two days, stay on the nursery list and see how you go with the cm. if two days come up at nursery reasses your situation. if you are happy with cm stay there, if you aren't happy, switch to nursery in the future.

I love the mix that my DS has and feel he has benefitted from it.

He gets so much one to one attention for his DGM that I feel his language skills have come on leaps and bounds but he has to share and take his turn at his childminder which I like too.

There have been times when it's been hard but you learn to bite your tongue and not sweat the small stuff (like custard twice a week ). I know I'm lucky though in that I had a good relationship with his DGM to start with, if things were shakier it might not have been so easy.

DS is also in his own house so we never had to worry about packing a bag for him or making sure his DGM had everything at her house/child proofing her house too.

I'm not sure about changing between 3 and 4 days. Personally I think I'd find 3 days to 4 harder.

Good luck whatever you decide.

yeah- I could do 2 days CM and 2 grandparents and then in July nursery should have 2 days available.

that's a good option - Hopefully the nursery will let me do that - but the feeling I got from them was you have to get in there for one day and then you can request more - will chat to them and see though.

I am worried about the FIL/MIL thing because they live far away and will be staying overnight with us (in our tiny 1.5 bed flat)- so they can take care of DS. FIL complained that he won't ever get to see DS unless he does this! I will update all in how this particular family situation develops!

Both of my DDs have had similar childcare arrangements and they have both been fine with it. DD1, from 7 months old, had a day with DH, 1 full day & 2 1/2 days at nursery, 2 1/2 days with my DF and alternated the other day between DF and her great aunt. She was then at home with me during my mat leave with DD2 doing pre school sessions at a different setting.
Took some coordinating but the result is the most confident little girl with an amazing relationship with these extended family members. We had no problems settling her into school
DD2 had a similar problem with the nursery I wanted for her only having space 1 day a week so I had to put her in somewhere else as well (and again with DH & DF doing days). She was much more clingy than DD1 & I really worried about her settling but she's was absolutely fine. After 9 months the nursery I wanted her in could take her so we've streamlined her arrangements now.
I'd say you can only try, I know all children are different but in my experience there wasn't a problem (besides remembering where you're picking up from )

Lol at custard twice a week. That is a goal here. Proper pudding.

When I went back to work after dd1 I started off doing 3 days then went up to 4 after a few months. I thought 3 days was perfect for home-life balance but that 4 days was better work. Saying that I found the jump up to 4 days really hard going in terms of home stuff. I was shattered on my one day off and tried to cram in all the bank/admin/washing/food shop delivery jobs as well as trying to be mummy, which I ended up feeling a bit out of practice at.... 3 days at work is more detrimental career wise for me but I think is a better balance for home.

As for whether the childcare arrangements are too complicated, well ideally I guess you'd have less child care providers over the course of a week, but we don't live in an ideal world do we!?

By and large, children are fairly adaptable. I posted a similar question way back as we have 3 sets of grandparents who offer to help (my parents are divorced/remarried) with childcare and I was keen for dd1 to go to nursery too. In the end she did 2 days in nursery and 2 days with grandparents, rotating sets every week (ie each set had her for 2 dats every third week). She did settle quicker at nursery than with the grandparents and I fully put that down to the fact she was only seeing them every third week.

Overall though I reckon your set up will be fine. My situation is confused by the GPs helping out tbh. I'm eternally grateful but it does muddy the waters a bit.

Best of luck for your return. Remember nothing is forever, you might be able to tweak things as you go.

Oh meant to say that when I posted the question on here someone came on to say they had a chart / calendar thing which had photos of the childcare "option" on each day and they would talk to their dc about it each night before bed which I thought was a good idea.

Good luck with the ILs staying over

I think if you had to go back 4 days a week/had no other choice then those arrangements are fine. They won't do him any harm.

But if you have a choice, I personally, really don't think it would be the best option for a one year old (fine, but not the best).

I would go back four days a week and opt for two days at the childminder. A good childminder is a fantastic option. If she has spaces it will give you a fall back in case the in-law thing doesn't work out or they're on holiday or sick etc. An oversubscribed nursery won't be able to offer you any extra days/hours so if a problem crops up you're stuck. A childminder is likely to be more flexible.

You can re-evaluate in July if spaces come up. Although by that time he'll hopefully have a fab bond with his childminder and you won't feel the need to move him at all.

I'd echo outraged. It will be fine, your child will be cared for and loved. But in my experience, with more than two arrangements you will find an inconsistent discipline and routine. There will be different rules in different settings and this can cause difficulties further down the line, for us it was each party wanting to be the best fun, and so treats abounded.

I think it will get confusing - you PiL, you, the CM and the Nursery makes 4 different ways of 'being' or 'doing things' and I think that's too many for most dc. I know someone will come along and tell you their dc is fine, but we are talking about most dc.

I also think that working 4 days after maternity leave isn't a good idea if you can possibly avoid it, as you tend to end up trying to squash a full week's work into 4 days, whereas with 3 days, companies tend to have to find somebody to do the 'rest of the week' or the rest of the work. Obviously, this will depend on what your job is, but it's a common thing. It'd be worth doing the sums - you certainly take home a lot more than 3/5 of your FT salary, because of the huge Personal allowance everyone gets now before they start paying tax. Factor in that day at Nursery's fees, and see what you think.

thanks everyone - really helpful advice. I'm going to do the sums as BackforGood says and see what the £ situation is now I've got free help from the PiLs. I do hear you with the 'working f/t in 4 days' squeeze which is what my boss seems to do (working late and the odd weekend) which isn't what I want. At the same time - there's a promise (but it is only that..) of a promotion if i do 4 days and I'm the higher earner.

I suppose what I'm recognising from everyones advice is there's no 'right' answer - when I apply the slightly morbid 'if I only had one year' logic then 3 days is obvs what I should do as I want maximum time with DS yet if I want another DC and to plan a bit for easier finances in the future then 4 days makes sense.

As a childminder I would say that parent / grandparents and CM should be doable at 1yr or parent / grandparents / nursery but I would be worried about a mix of all 4
He would be 'ok' but I think personally at 1 key people to build relationships with in childcare settings are so incredibly important. I wouldn't want my childcare to be just 'ok' I would want my child to be secure and settled and confident and my childcare to be 'fantastic'.
I know that's not the answer you wanted.