We have had our (first) current AP since mid-August.
She joined our family as my eldest DD started school. Both DH and I work FT (DH commutes 1-1.5h to work) and we have another DD aged 2, who goes to nursery.
The AP's duties are quite basic, and have been vetted by the agency. She gets £80pw.
Basically, her duties are as follow:
7.30 - come to kitchen, have breakfast, help the kids eat (we are there too, and moving things along). Empty dishwasher (but DH usually has this done by 7am) and help fixing the packed lunches (often leftovers or sandwiches) for the girls. Clear table and surfaces, reload dishwasher (it is only her eating and the girls - we do not take bkfst)
8.15am - dress older DD and walk to school at 8.30am (15 minutes, in busy city center - a nice outing via shops)
She is then free til 3pm when she picks DD and cares for her til we get back circa 5.30pm. During that time, we expect her to organise some independent play for DD and maybe tidy the girls bedroom, run the girls laundry once a week, and the girls beddings laundry every other week. she is meant to set the table at 5.30pm too, and to start the girls pack lunch prep the evening before if we have food leftovers.
Then there is the "family time" contributions that you'd expect from all family members: clearing the table at the end of the meal, helping out with food prep etc.
She has her WEs, and while she is meant to babysit 1 to 2 evenings per week, rarely does so as we do not get out much. She does not have to clean (except her own bedroom) and does not cook family evening meals (I do this). She does not do bathtime, or bedtime.
My issues are the following (I appreciate some may seem a bit trite, but they do concern me):
- We are in a busy, lively city, with rich cultural heritage. She has never set a foot further out than the school run (she is not shy or unsure, just not interested)
- She has refused to meet other APs or to build frendships, actively rejecting people. She NEVER gets out. EVER. Except for school run.
- She spends a lot of time on her mobile phone or FB, during DD play time
- She is enrolled on a distance learning course, which is "full time" equivalent, and has a lot of homework. We feel that she is not here for the cultural experience, or caring for children per se, but more to get through her course while gettign free lodging and board.
- While she was very bubbly and talked about her love of art and craft during her interview, she has only once organised such an activity for DD, the rest of the time is spent passing time at the park, or playing along with DD (rather than organising play / crafts)
- She does not cook at all for herself during the day, but instead taps in the frozen or refrigerated left-over portions, which are really intended for the girls, first, and for us while at work where there is no cooking facilities.
- she has zero initiatives and does not learn from one day to the next. She has so far not been able to fix both girls packed meals, ever, despite the fact that we do it everyday, in front of her, talking through it.
- At WE, she turns up, puts her feet under the table, and leaves straight after clearing the plates (nevermind the pans and pots etc). She will otherwise go play with the girls when we do the cleaning (I would quite like to play with my DDs too, rather than scrubbing pots!)
- She was VERY stroppy on a family holidays with others families present, to the extent that we had to apologies to our friends, and have a word with her (she was mostly off-duty, except for babysitting in the evenings).
- I've had to get my parents and IL's over to bail us out for school hols or times when one of us was working abroad, as she is very conscious of the number of hours she works (and will not do "more", even if she does not deliver on the actual hours).
The good points:
- she keeps herself to herself in the evening, in her room
- she is polite and quiet, does not smoke or drink and is generally a respectful person
- my DD1 likes her. DD2 took a little longer, but now does get on well with her.
- she is reliable with turning up on time to school for DD1
Since she has been with us, my workload has shot up. I have confrontation, so does DH. His position is better the devil you know, where he possibly has a point. But I was expecting more from the experience (possibly unfairly). I was an AP back in the 90's and worked my arse off, but also enjoyed a lot of great life experiences that I would never have lived at home otherwise (my families also had quite an expensive lifestyle - I enjoyed the taste of that too!).
We need to have "the talk" but it is all very awkward - the DH thinks we should bite the bullet and accept the deal, while I would like to think that there are more young people with get-up-and-go out there...
AAARRRG - I do not know what to do