fed up of lazy mothers!

[nanny2003]

I work as a nanny and I'm so fed up of lazy mothers who want me to do all their stuff and can't be bothered with their kids! In the last 3 years, I've worked for 4 families with mums that didn't work, stayed home and ignored their babies! The babies would cry when they saw mum, but the mums never picked them up, never took their child out, never bathed their own child. Nothing! I even know parents with 4 month old babies in full time nursery whilst the mum stays at home! Its a bloody joke and I'm fed up of these lazy mares, why have kids if you can't be bothered??

Harsh wreckthehalls!

People earn respect! If the nanny sits down for a break and the lazy mum boss invents more jobs for her to do she's hardly going to sing her praises.

Employers want blood for their money, why should we act like professionals when we aren't treated as such?

4 jobs in 3 years?
That is quite unlucky.
Could it be that nannying isn't what you expected it to be?

What a panning you've got on here. You're absolutely not being unreasonable; the families you've worked for sound awful, inconsiderate and extremely spoilt. Let's not wheel out the PND thing. I've had it, in its severest form, and it doesn't make you into an inconsiderate tool

There are lots of crap parents out there. The difference is these are very rich and crap, and so can outsource the menial, repetitive, low-value (to them) work of small child drudgery. They don't value small-child rearing, not enough to do it themselves, which will have inevitable consequences for how they see and treat you.

It's not too long ago that the very wealthy just used to have their children looked after by governesses and nannies and only see their offspring for a half-hour before bed every day. Sounds to me like it's the modern-day version of that.

I would look for a more normal family somewhere outside of the west London/ Oxon bubble.

Can I join you on the fence blondes?

I have worked in a couple of houses where it's been so dirty I've considered it a health hazard! but fortunately the parents in both cases were basically nice people, just had no idea about cleanliness and I'm not talking spotless just normal clean. One mum did in an embarrassed way tell me once that she realized I sometimes cleaned up the kitchen in order to cook for the children and she was sorry she wasn't more on top of things. the other house was a pig sty but there was so much love and the children were so emotionally well cared for it was still a pleasure to be their nanny.

I had one mum who suddenly decided to work from home and her little boy changed overnight from a confident happy little boy to a clingy child who didn't want to leave the house while mum was home.

I think the OP needs to talk to the parents in an open honest way about her concerns and in the meantime start looking for another job.

Sometimes parents find it easy to care for their children when they pass the baby and toddler years.
The mother in family I currently work for finds it very difficult to care for the children by herself but she does adore her kids. She's not a sahm but does spend a lot of time napping/watching tv etc however because the kids are not use to her giving them much attention they don't look to spend time with her. It's never difficult to get them ready to go out or to keep them out of her bedroom/living room. I have sometimes wondered why she doesn't spend more time with them (never bathed them) but I work in childcare because I love every part of it, it's not the same for everyone even parents. I hope for their sake she will want to spend more time with them in the future but for now they are very happy and confident kids and whatever I can do to make their lives better I'll do.

You sound really hostile and completely fed up, it's definitely time to move on.

Btw I do feel really sorry for you. Didn't mean that last comment to come across so harsh! You obviously have worked for some difficult families. I hope things improve for you.

sunshinenanny plenty of room if you don't mind a splinter or two

deckthe I also agree with you. Op is very critical of her employers and tho she is doing things a nanny shouldn't be - seems weird her last few jobs have all been the same if true

Only way to resolve is sit and talk to them and accept they may not want to do things with their kids or find a new job and leave

Thanks to some of you for support.

So don't work for parents who stay at home. Work for parents who go out to work, I never take jobs with stay at home mums.

Wow, I'm glad you are not my nanny. The thought of having someone as judgmental as you in my house with my kids makes me shudder.

needtomanup you sound lovely!

Thing is that if this was any other sort of employer no-one would criticise you for having a moan. I maintain you are NBU.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but you are being unfair.

No one wants to think that they are being talked about by their nanny and not in such a scathing way.

Find a nice, normal family where the parents both work and the house is clean and tidy at the interview. Remember that the interview is a two way process and you need to ask them lots of questions to ensure you get the right family to work with.

Good luck

I do wonder what people who neither work nor look after their children actually do with their time? Lots of yoga?

It sound rubbish OP and I agree its sad for the children. A friend of mine was brought up like this.
Very wealthy family, string of nannies, almost completely ignored by her Mum. It was hugely damaging for her.
A lot of people assume child neglect only happens in poor families. But if a mother is present but completely emotionally unavailable- that is neglect too in my mind.
Yes, she has hired a nanny and Im sure you are doing a great job and the childrens basic needs are being met. But it still sounds a bit "not-alright" to me. Especially the bit where you describe the babies crying to be picked up and the mothers present but ignoring them.

How long ago did you start working for this family with 3yo twins? And was the mum looking after them full-time on her own before that?

I think 24-7 childcare of twins would have utterly broken me. And if I then had the pressure relieved by the arrival of a nanny for 8 hours a day I might well spend a few months getting a bit of rest and rediscovering my sanity. And as I would be on duty for the other 16 hours, no I wouldn't contribute to the childcare when the nanny was around.

But yanbu about the mess. My house isn't very clean and tidy. Not as bad as you describe, but we live with it. One of the reasons I didn't opt for hiring a nanny was that I realised that our home could not be someone's work environment unless I also hired some seriously intensive cleaning help (and probably a PA too who could be trusted to sort out the clutter and piles of paperwork so that the cleaner could actually clean). This being unrealistic, childcare out of the home was a better option for us.

Very few first time parents-to-be have a realistic appreciation of what is about to hit them. Some of them end up overwhelmed. They didn't know in advance it would be like this. So, if they have the money, they buy in help. That's your job. Stop being so judgey.

According to this thread they nap. Avid according to lots of threads on mn, they book holidays.

I think having a nanny is weird but you would be out of a job if everyone thought like me

I have twins and would have been asleep all the time if we had had a nanny!

OP some of your employers do sound a bit grim though and no you shouldn't have to be doing any housework really as a nanny.

Strange thread with rather extreme situations described (allowing for OP being fed up).

House work like that isn't really on and you've maybe been unlucky with the families not being what you'd expect. It is hard to know how it's going to be until you get into a job for a while.

But OP, you sound pretty judgemental and I get the feeling if it weren't for this, you might find other things not to like about a family. You don't want patents there but when they are there you say they're ignoring their children. Honestly - you need to think about a different career.

youve had four different jobs in 3 years? that's not good. i'll bet that's the mothers' faults as well?

Oh dear God, stop it. Being a mother does not rescue you from being a lazy fucker. I have been a nanny AND a nanny employer. Some people are as OP described,some are not. This being her experience of being a nanny is not ideal but vilifying her for it makes me wonder how the relationship between family and carer will ever work.

Interesting that your other thread got deleted but this remains so I will ask you again: what are the "unreasonable demands" to which you refer?

A lady on my local mums email group advertised for new friends to go to yoga and for coffee together as she needs to find ways to fill her days as she is a stay at home mum with her daughter in full time nursery. She mentioned her husband's luxury property portfolio in her bio, so she could meet likeminded people. I thought she sounded like a tool!

The understandable explanation would be if the mum was really exhausted/ recovering from illness etc and wanted a few months rest before returning to work, but they should have explained this at the interview.

Only read your original op. I don't know anyone like that.

Our old nanny we very experienced and she had numerous tales of families like this nanny2003 . Among all her families there were several who refused to discipline the young children or give them boundaries and wondered why they were basically horrible unruly brats (and sadly desperately craved attention). They then hired a nanny as they weren't enjoying the time they had with their children. She had many lovely families too and to be fair she chased the highest paid jobs so may be there's a link.

I think you've been unnecessarily flamed here. I think you are doing the right thing by moving on, but it will start to look bad on your cv if you move on too frequently - take your time to find a great family that have similar values to you. In the meantime can you organize your day so you go out of the house for an activity in the morning and afternoon? It doesn't need to cost money - just a walk or trip to the park.