fed up of lazy mothers!

[nanny2003]

I work as a nanny and I'm so fed up of lazy mothers who want me to do all their stuff and can't be bothered with their kids! In the last 3 years, I've worked for 4 families with mums that didn't work, stayed home and ignored their babies! The babies would cry when they saw mum, but the mums never picked them up, never took their child out, never bathed their own child. Nothing! I even know parents with 4 month old babies in full time nursery whilst the mum stays at home! Its a bloody joke and I'm fed up of these lazy mares, why have kids if you can't be bothered??

I suppose so, but you haven't said that. You did say that there were cleaners, but that they didn't show up.

To pick up on one of your (new) points though, my manager is paid to do a job. Yours isn't. If she chooses to eat bonbons while you look after her child/ren that's her call.

p.s I know not all mums are lazy! I didn't mean ALL mums were lazy, I meant the select few that I've been unlucky enough to work for have all been the same.

I disagree that the parents can do as they please because they pay me. They should at the very least create an environment where I can do my job properly, as employers, I think it's the least they can do, give me the proper tools to work with. This means they need to keep the house in a decent state, so not every inch covered in dirty plates/pans/paper/boxes.. and not to hang around all the time so much that it makes the children/babies upset! It's not unreasonable of me, I'm looking out the the children's welfare too and it's not good that it's so filthy in their house and the baby picks things up off the floor to eat.

OP if you consistently have bad luck with employers, isn't it possible that you're the common factor.

littlebearpad, how can it be anything to do with me, other than that I'm too nice for my own good and feel sorry for the children so I end up staying and putting up with more crap than I should?

Let me re-word your OP:

'My employer has a very dirty house which I find difficult to work in for [reasons you have stated]. The children also find it upsetting when she is in the same room with them when I am there. Does anyone have any advice?'

Might have saved you a bit of a torching.

yes Elphaba you're right, I should've been more tactful and I honestly am usually not as harsh, I'm just so fed up today :(

There are relatively few families who can afford to have a nanny and a SAHM. I'm a bit surprised that you've worked for 4 of them in the past 3 years. I can only assume you must be working in Kensington or similarly upscale area?

Maybe move your job hunting to a slightly less prosperous area where the parents are more likely to both work? I'm in SW london for example and most of the nanny employing families definitely have both parents at work.

I agree that it's wrong for parents to expect you to tidy up after them, to leave their house a pigsty (it is your workplace) or not to let you have a break. I also think it's a bit unfair to change the nature of the job after you've accepted (ie mum will be at home after all). But I think the solution is for you to look for jobs where the mum has definitely gone back/is going back to work, rather than expect these families to change their behaviour.

Op you have said that you are stressed out and that is very clear. Forget about the mother's shortcomings, or PND or whatever. You cant change her, you can only change the way you react, to look after yourself.

Keep on looking for the next job, it sounds tough being in a small, very untidy apartment, with twins.

In the meantime, can you make tidying up part of the entertainment for the children? "Look there are some dirty pans to wash up. Let's put them in a bowl in the bathroom and practice washing up." That way it doesn't make a mess if anyone splashes around.

Perhaps you could have a thirty minute housework time as part of your day with the children. They often love hovering or dusting, and if there are some spare plastic boxes - or even spare shoe boxes (free from many shoe shops) - you can do "putting away"

Finally, ask for a meeting with your employer to discuss how things are going, but have a list of practical points to raise - non-confrontationally - which would make your life easier and the children's happier.

minipie thanks for message, I've worked in Notting Hill (London) and Cambridge so yes posh areas with wealthy people.

I don;t know anyone who has a nanny who isn;t working so not much help to you. But I would suggest that you only work for people who are out working in future. They don;t get in your way and irritate you so much.

Oh dear me OP you are having a tough time.

Maybe you need to work on your interview skills when meeting potential new employers. When they have expressed what they want from a nanny you need to tell them what you expect from them as parents. Good luck with future employment

Longtallsally, thanks for your message. I don't feel like I should have to tidy up after the parents, and honestly wouldn't know where to start! I clean up everything child related and do all their laundry, bedding etc. I have cleaned up the whole kitchen a few times before because I got so fed up, but the parents don't even notice when I do... I wouldn't want to give the kids a dirty pan to play with/wash up in the bath because I'd have to clean it first anything as they're really filthy. I'll try and bring things up again nonconfrontationally though with the parents. THanks again

A huge part of being a GOOD nanny is working within a family and respecting the parents (your employers) and their family dynamic.

You sound like poisonous and extremely immature. You have NO right to judge these people in their own home. Its deeply, deeply unprofessional. Where in earth did you train??

Poor women, having a backstabber like you 'caring, for their children.

kewcumber, the point is they all SAY they are about to go back to work and it's never the case. I am looking for other work though.

No my point was - don;t work for people who aren't already working!

I agree with bauhausfan. Everyone is being rather unfair. The OP is upset and wanting reassurance that most people do love their children and want to be with them.
However, not all mothers can cope with the demands of their children and there are many, many reasons why people have babies in the first place. A nanny's job is to be in loco parentis where the parents can't - or won't - do the childcare job themselves.
OP, if all families had a parent who stopped working and looked after their children themselves, you'd be out of a job! Luckily for you, nannies are needed (but shouldn't, perhaps, bitch about their employers when the reason for their employment isn't completely understood to them!)

I take it you don't work Tuesday afternoons.

Keptman I think the OP would be as annoyed if the mum was constantly cooing over the children because she'd be in the way just as much.

OP you need to work for a family where both parents are already working, not where the mother is planning to go back to work.

Greenremembered - I work Tuesday afternoons - still manage the odd post on MN

Hmmmm. Sits on fence and pulls out spilinters

Your op didn't help you. You come across as if you hate your employees and the children. Why on earth do you stay? People have children and some need more help then others. Without pat hets like these you won't have a job. Don't be so harsh about them. If they want to pay someone 10/12 hrs a day and not see their kids thats up to them

On the other hand no you shouldn't have to work in a pigsty and wash their plates etc and yes be nice for parents to spend some time with their children - do you ask at interview when going back to work ?

Look for a new job - one where parents are at work or not a new baby. Assume your roles are babies and mum going back after ml - so go for older /toddler

Get the agencies to talk to parents and get a def date to start work. How long have you been in current job?

I don't blame you, having read some of the posts on here I could never be a nanny. Nothing more than a skivvy for people with more money than sense

When you sat down with your employers and calmly discussed the situation, how did they respond? Did they say it was your job or did they say they'd clean up their acts but didn't? Or have you not actually politely pointed out that cleaning up after them is not in your job description? Any why lazy mothers? Are they all single mums? Are there no dads around or is it just the mothers job to clean and tidy?

I've worked for most wealthy SAHM's so I know how difficult it can be when parents are around as the children naturally want them over the nanny ( in most cases ) but in most cases, if you communicate and agree the best way to deal with things, then it's fine. If you just rant and rage on a forum and quietly simmer about it at work without talking to your employers, then it's not going to change at all! Either sit down and commuincate or find another job.

I've worked for more than a few families like this and I just came to realise that we were from totally different backgrounds! Most of the families I've been a nanny for had grown up with nannies, housekeepers and cleaners etc. and either didn't really have that maternal instinct or just generally did not know how to look after or treat their children! They always had someone to do everything for them from a young age so it's totally normal to have a nanny in the house doing everything even though they are there! Absolutely bizarre to me because I couldn't justify having a nanny full time if I was at home all day everyday unless there were particular genuine circumstances that really required this type of help.
I would come in on a Monday morning to dirty dishes piled up from Friday evening, never ending list of children's chores to do etc. because the parents felt it was my job to do everything for their child and what I couldn't do on the weekend because I wasn't contracted to work would be left for me on a manic Monday! Not to mention the mums who tried to micro manage every single thing I was supposed to do
So I totally understand how u feel and what you're trying to say.

The good news is - it does get better! I think you need to be honest (in a diplomatic and respectable way) to the parents and explain you're not happy in your job because it's not really a sole charge position as she is there and on hand when she feels like it which confuses the children and makes ur job harder.
Are you due a review soon as maybe you can bring it up then?
Otherwise pls feel free to PM me as I know of lots of very good agencies depending on your area that will listen to what you want in a job in order to find you that perfect one.
Good luck xxx

Anyone else just not believe a word of this?