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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

childminders please advise.

23 replies

prettyfly1 · 04/10/2006 13:31

its a really long story but basically i let my minder go with four weeks notice last week. she has always been a bit mean which is why i made the choice among many many reasons (my son was really settled and she is the single parent of a little boy) so it was really hard to find the determination to do it and stick to it. Now she is a nightmare. she constantly digs at me and the people who cover for me while i am at uni, she is doing some quite horrible things that while covered by her contract she wouldnt have dreamed of doing before and this morning when i dropped him off - knowing that i wont see him tonight she was literally physically all over him, kissing him and stroking his face and whispering to him and tickling him. this went on for ten minutes before i could get in to say goodbye to him and then she laughed when he just wanted to go and play. i got on the bus and cried and i have felt sick all day. i know its only another two weeks but do i approach her and say how innapproriate i feel this behaviour is. i want my son to be happy and cared for and have never objected to other people giving him cuddles and kisses but this was ridiculously over the top - it was like she was his mum!!! i jsut cant take anymore of her bullying but i really dont want to jsut walk away as i know she needs the money from the next couple of weeks. How would you want a parent to approach you? Would you do this?

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h27 · 04/10/2006 13:34

hi im a child minder and i would never ever do that and make the parent feel bad! it is so hard to leave your child in the first place! i would pay her up for the two weeks and just leave, thats if you have alternative child care!! If you wish to ask any other questions please feel free to ask! im sorry you are going through this, not all child minders are like that! have you thought about speaking to your area child care co ordinater!!!

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 04/10/2006 13:41

i have thought about it but to be honest i just want it all to go away! i cant afford to pay her off or i would love to as it would improve things greatly and my new minder doesnt start until the end of her term. I am glad you said that. i really did not want to come across as a jealous mum cause thats not the case, its just too much!!

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h27 · 04/10/2006 13:45

Your a normal mum! i would hate that if a child minder did that to my son! and i think she needs to grow up and act as a little more professional! Best of luck and please go in there tonight and keep happy inside. Dont show her you are upset.

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 04/10/2006 13:46

thanks very much h27 i really appreciate your advice!!

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BradfordMum · 04/10/2006 16:04

Oh what a horrid situation.

I am a childminder and was approached by a mum who wanted to find alternative care for her DD. She wasn't happy with ther CM, but it was more of a gut instinct than her doing anything particualrly wrong. She was clearly upset and I offered to start as soon as possible for her. She explained about still having to pay 3 weeks to her existing CM, and I said that I would take the 3 weeks fee's over 3 months if that would help. She jumped at the chance.
Her DD started with me the following day and has been with me for just over 9 months. She was able to 'pay off' her CM, and spread my fee's over 3 months. She is one of my best mums and we have a wonderfully professional and happy relationship.

Sally

Twoandabump · 04/10/2006 16:34

I would phone Ofsted about her as she sounds terrible. I know that you can take people that leave personally, even if their mum is just giving up work!, but that iis being silly.

ssd · 04/10/2006 16:43

I'm a childminder and I would never do anything to upset the mum, I know it's really hard to leave your kids, she should know better too!

TBH I'd pull your kids out early, she sounds wierd to me.

Do what suits you and your kids, this is your priority.

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 04/10/2006 16:52

i am so jealous - i really hope i have that relationship with my new minder. she actually thinks i am giving up work because she got so aggressive about him going to someone else. someone else took their child out early last year and reported her and she sued and won!

OP posts:

Twoandabump · 04/10/2006 17:13

I can't see how she could sue, apart from maybe the other person not paying the fee.

I would tell her you feel her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable.

tottle · 04/10/2006 17:35

as a childminder myself i find the behaviour appaling, I would leave instantly and have a word with ofsted about the contract as if your feeling intimidated by her then surely this is some sort of breach on her behalf..good luck and there are plenty of good childminders out there that wouldnt make you feel like that

StrawberryFULLMoonOWOWOWWWWWWW · 04/10/2006 19:34

i am about to become reg and to me she sounds like the hand that rocks the cradle too weird with another womans children...get him out shes weird!

Beaks · 05/10/2006 15:48

why not explain the situation to your new minder and see if there is any possibility of taking him earlier. I am a childminder but as a parent that would freak me out and is totally inappropriate. You really need to let OFSTED know about this especially in view of the fact that someone else has clearly been unhappy enough to remove their child and report her. I don't think she should be childminding with a vindictive personality like that.

Beaks · 05/10/2006 15:53

By the way she is supposed to have a complaints procedure in place to comply with Ofsted. ask her about it and see if behaviour improves plus she should have a poster up diplaying numbers for YOU to call if you want advice from them. Don't feel bad you could be prtecting other innocent parents from going through the same thing.

kkey21 · 05/10/2006 20:50

I am now getting slightly worried as i know from previous posts, that 'prettfly' with concerns is in the same area as my cousin who uses as childminder for her 11mth old..... Is there a chance 'prettyfly' i can get you to let me know just the initials so i can find out from my cousin who she has, and make sure its not the same person?

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 09/10/2006 13:28

hi kkey - i know that she doesnt have an eleven month old, so dont panic!! She is still being a nightmare. She put a nasty comment in his diary on friday, he was really distressed when i picked him up on friday night and he had an injury which i ntoiced on the way home (when trying to calm him down!!) which she asked me about this morning. i told her it had happened at hers and i wanted to know how and she addressed her reply to my son not me and asked why"he hadnt told her it had happened" (he is one - surely she should notice!!!). I cant take any more of this, my weekend was ruined waiting to drop him off, i was stressed all the way there and i just wanted to pick my little boy up and run away. Ill loose my job without someone to cover which i cant afford. The whole situation is just a nightmare and she seems to be getting worse and worse.I got to work and just cried this morning.

p.s on a totally seperate subject kkey - still got occasional bits available if your cousins daughter (i think thats who is was) still wants some work!

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Original poster

prettyfly1 · 09/10/2006 13:30

let me rephrase that - she didnt ask me about the imjury, despite the fact you can barely see it now she made a huge thing about it the minute i dropped him off.

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2006 13:33

that is awful! how long have you got left?

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 09/10/2006 13:35

two weeks.

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LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2006 13:40

have you tried ringing round your local cm's to ask if they would consider starting now and u pay them a lower ammount for the next 2 weeks and then pay them abit extra after that to make up for it? if you were in my area i would consider you if you explained the situation. worth a try?

Original poster

prettyfly1 · 09/10/2006 13:41

i think that may well be what has to happen. i have picked the new girl and she is a sweetie so i may talk to her tonight to see what she says.

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LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2006 13:42

btw its not up to your son (who is 1 fgs) to tell you about his injuries she should have filled in an accident form which you would have then signed if you agreed with the explaination of how it occured.

LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2006 13:42

perhaps read through you contract to see if it says anything about informing you of accidents?

Beaks · 09/10/2006 16:04

If she is a registered childminder she HAS to keep a record of any accidents at her home and inform you and get you to sign to confirm you have been informed. Otherwise she is not meeting the regulations to be a registered childminder. Please speak to Ofsted on the parent no.08456 404040. Have you seen her certificate? Is she definately registered?

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