Do I need a nanny or a new job??

[Jogrighton]

Hi I have put this in the work section too, just need someone to throw me some options. I feel sick with worrying what to do

Single mum to 2 dc (10 and 3) Live with mum but doing house up in same street, hopefully be in about 3 months time.

3 dc goes c/minders 10-3 when at work in week.
10 dc takes himself to and from school (just round corner)

3 dc goes to dads alt w/end sat 9am till sun 1730
10 dc goes to dads tue/wed one week and tues/sat next

My mum looks after kids outside these hours, but getting increasingly tired and shouldn't have to look after my kids. They are a handful.

Work 12.5 hr shifts (7-1930) should be 37.5hrs a week (about 3 shifts for 3 weeks then 4 shifts for one week).

However, this week I work 53.5hrs next week 34.5, so its random. Also, junior manager role so stay several hours over to complete paperwork etc.

Boss is totally unapproachable, thoughtless and downright scary. Last two junior managers have been reallocated areas as she couldn't tolerate them.

I just kiss ass to the extent its nauseating, work overtime, stay late etc etc

May be due for retirement soon, hits 60 this year I think.

Problem:

I need to stop my mum from looking after my kids, end of!!

Childminder is excellent I can drop 3dc off at 0630 but she stops working at 1800 also doesn't work b/hols, w/ends, xmas and has hols herself (tut tut)

I don't really want my child going for that long tho!!! Even when she starts school it will be cheaper but still a long day for her.

Also, despite my manager being a t@@@t I love my job and wouldn't mind having a crack at hers when the time comes. May be able to work 8-4pm mostly. But not sure I can wait.

I earn about £30000 a year and don't think I can drop this. I wouldn't be able to keep my house (children's inheritance) Also their fathers do not have 2 beans to rub together (I get zilch off one and £20 p/week from the other) I would like to be able to support my kids through schooling etc.

What to do????

Do I leave and work for agency, sounds nice in some ways I can work round all kids hols but will still would have to work loads to make my money and shift work normally starts at 0700 so would still mean lots of childcare. No stability, friends etc

Or do I stay and pay loads of childcare, I can book some hols off but not all of august and xmas we are not allowed hols at all.

Are nannies that flexible, my shifts change from week to week???

HELP and thank you

A nanny normally works in your home - is that going to be possible before you move into your own home? It is the most flexible form of childcare but not the cheapest. Also nannies too need holiday and tend not to work bank hols, Xmas etc!!

One way of reducing cost might be a nanny share with another family or a nanny who wants to bring her own child to work.

As kids get older you may also be able to look at an au pair who lives with you - would you have room for them to have their own room?

In short term maybe look around at other childminders who might be prepared to offer the hours and shift patterns that you need?

Do you have / or could you juggle the new house so you had a spare bedroom? Then you could get an au pair to cover the hours your mum does.

A nanny can be required to work Bank Hols but it'll cost you and brutally honestly it's not in your budget. Your best option us an au pair when you move out of your mum's place but I feel for you :(

Another option is - does your mum find the 2 kids together too much? Could she manage one OR the other? If so might it be possible for her to commit to say looking after your older son and you get your youngest settled with a childminder who can cover your shifts?

Also on job front - if you enjoy your job and it has future promotion prospects I would say stay put!

Firstly, thank you all so much for your advice. You don't realise how helpful it is.

My house is a 3 bedroom which could be doable but I have been at my mums now for 6yrs (yes I know, do the maths..... I have made some unwise decisions in the past but have 2 beautiful children even if they are a bit unruly)

I am desperate to get me, my children and mum some much needed space......However, if it works then it would be worth it!!

Would an au pair tolerate a small box room??

Nanny share sounds good and they can bring their own child but what happens when I need to be at work for 0630-7am and I am not home until 8-830pm what do they do with their own child????

I don't think you can afford a nanny , an aupair would be a much better idea.

How frequently do you have days that are 06:30-20:30?

Long day, a nanny (live in or live-out) would do it but cost is going to be the potential issue.
What is your budget for childcare, per month?

3-4 per week (12.5hr shifts), I get 8 weeks leave per year.

How much do au pairs cost???

I have a feeling I may need to compose my resignation letter:(

im not 100% what Au Pairs cost but they live with you, so I think it is just pocket money like £100 a week or something depending on what hours they do, (Au Pairs are more like big sisters/brothers) they don't usually look after babies/toddlers they are more for school age children but you could find a mature one.

(not sure what the rules are on ages of children for Au Pairs)

Other alternative is to request child friendly hours? I don't know what you do or what industry you work in but seems that rest is doable just not the late finishes? So any chance of talking to hr where you work and exploring the idea of either better hours or more stable shift patterns?

Do your ex partners work? Are they available for more childcare? They are seriously not pulling their weight financially.

Au pairs generally get between 80-110 a week. Anything over 107 I think means that they are treated as an employee and you have to pay tax and NI on their salary.

Could you sleep in a box room if it means you can attract a decent reliable au-pair? Could they be homed with your Mum if she is 3 doors away.

A nanny will cost you approx 12 gross an hour all in including taxes. This is the going rate but it varies by location so you may be able to go to 9.50/10 for someone inexperienced. If this is affordable with a bit of help from your mum you may be able to find someone who is happy to do flexible hours for a static weekly salary. Some nannies do shorter hours during term time and full-time during the holidays but their salary is calculated annually and divided over 12 months.

Can't your DC2 [3yo] go to nursery 15 hours a week for free, freeing up your mum to have a life/rest and some cash to extend the hours at the childminder?

An au pair will not be suitable I feel as you need a lot of childcare and some au pairs can be flakey and need lots of managing. Look at live in nanny instead. More expensive than au pair but more reliable as well.

Live in nanny not likely to be an option on that salary. Which is broadly similar to a nanny's salary
I would suggest your best bet may well be to try to get promoted, hours tend to be more flexible the more senior and needed you are.

I work similar shifts and they are v hard to arrange childcare around but these days I get to be flexible - in return I come in extra when needed and do a pretty good job

Child friendly hours are a joke.

It is up to the managers discretion and she isn't very amenable, although if she did it for me she would have to do it for everyone and we have quite a few staff with young children they just have partners!! I don't think anyone would opt to start at 0700 in the morning!! So perhaps I am being a bit harsh on her

My ex(s) and their parents work. One ex wasn't happy about having 10dc a couple of hrs longer on the Sunday so I doubt he will help. The other is a farmer and works 7 till 7 most days.

Looking into a nanny if she charged £10 p/hr for my basic 150hr month (not including hrs either side of shift) well I wouldn't be able to pay my mortgage.

I would love to get promoted but the old dog aint goin anywhere soon!!!

In the meantime I am dropping my poor baby off at 0630 tomorrow morning and I will continue to browse jobs.

Thanks again for all your suggestions, you really are a fab bunch

Brush up your CV and go job hunting. Be ambitious - there might be a role out there that's office hours for similar money, or more money for the same role, or you might find the equivalent of your boss's role in another company. If something good doesn't come up, fine, stick with your current plan at your current place and look into an au pair or whatever. But at least give yourself a chance to find something that works round your family a bit better. Even just having a set shift pattern would make childcare easier to find and perhaps reduce your mum's stress levels. I bet your CV will brush up nicely for applying for your boss's job, with all that junior management experience. Do it a few months early, apply elsewhere and see what comes. Might be nothing, but if you don't go looking you'll never know.

Jo can I be nosy and ask if u r a nurse? If yes would u consider a community or specialist nurse type role as they can tend to be much more manageable in terms of hours? Alternatively how about nights? Could u do agency two nights a week? Would your mum manage the kids more easily overnights? Agency nights tend to be v well paid as well.

Ha ha, yes boulder I am a nurse.

I am looking and there is nothing even where there is a good drive involved.

Not only that if my boss gets a whiff of anything my life will be pure hell!!

Agency sounds appealing in many ways but it scares me to think that 1)I may not always get shifts 2)What if I keep putting off shifts and say I will book some next week and don't get any ever and just doss!!!

I have no ambition. I feel I could do my boss's job but that is it, I know the area etc I am absolutely dire at interviews so will only apply if I have a good chance of getting it, because like I say if my boss gets wind its the chop for me!!!

I like nights but my little girl still has a tendency to wake, so mum doesn't sleep well then she has to have her during the day if w/end but she goes to the child minders during the week.

If you are nhs staff you have a right to request flexible or family friendly working this can be the same days every week even if 12hr shifts perhaps doing every Sat if children dad has them or a term time only contract or working 2 long days plus one night shift on set days(perhaps child overnight would be ok for your mum) - write the letter to HR and copy manager in they have so many days to respond n have to give a good solid reason why they cannot accommodate request.

Also agree community nurse or specialist nurse role maybe better but 37.5hrs would prob be Mon-fri.