Is it normal to feel upset when my lovely 13 mth old baby no longer seeks kisses from me but does from the au pair?

[Traceyjane76]

I feel ridiculous writing this but it is really starting to upset me. We have had our au pair for 2 months and prior to that my baby was joined at my hip. I am now back at work FT but the au pair only has LO 3 days a week. The au pair is treated like family but she does seem to be around all the time and sometimes when I am dealing with LO she tries to get involved. I do politely find ways to assert that I am momma. She kisses baby Lots but recently I have noticed that LO doesn't ask me for kisses anymore but does actively seek them from the Au pair. Am I wrong to be upset? What should I do?

Ok first off an au pair legally should not be in charge of any children under 2 sole charge. Or are you around?
IDo you are then disregard the above, unless you have a nanny not an au pair?

If your there and then your au pair is expected to be working then you can't expect her to not get involved,

I kiss and love my charges too, it's part of the job, I would be greatfull my au pair was so close with my child.
Clearly she is being treated well by this girl and feels safe and secure with her.

However it is important she respect your time with your child. So it may be an idea to sit her down and talk about when you do and don't expect her to be helping out.

I think you need to think if an nanny/au pair Is right for you if you find yourself feeling jealous. perhaps nursery or a childminder would suit you better.

When we nannies care for children one on one in their home it's a much close relationship we develop.

It's a really tricky balance for both the mother and the au pair and I think that what you are feeling is entirely natural. I am now on au pair number 2 and what I have found useful is to carve some time out for just my children and me – taking them for a day out on the au pair's day off or making sure that I do bedtime on my own when I can. That way you get special time with just your baby and you. I am sure that if you explain this to your au pair (kindly) she will understand too.

This is very difficult for you :) but please try to be pleased that our daughter obviously has a lovely relationship with the au pair.
I am a mum and a childcarer and I always try to explain it to parents like this:

• with mum the child knows it has unconditional love and adoration so does not need to seek out affection / kisses / cuddles from you as you give them freely and un conditionally.
• with a childcarer the child is aware (even tinies) that the love they get from their carer has to be earned and therefore they seek out this affection, this is often done by asking for cuddles and kisses etc.

Your child loves you MORE than she loves the au pair I can promise you 100% be calm and encourage your dd and the au pair to have a great relationship. Try to be pleased that the au pair is interested in your dd when she s not on duty. But if she over steps the mark just calmly sit down with her and explain to her that when she is on duty it is her time and her methods. But outside of those times it is your job to desk with dd and you prefer to deal with it your way.

It's an age thing. I have the same at the moment. My 13mth I look after holds her arms out to me and cries and doesn't want mummy

Have said to mum it's a phase and means she is happy with me when mum is at work but know mum finds it hard :( - so if she is about I go out of room and find other things to do so they can have a bit of mummy/baby time out of sight out of mind and then she is fine

Weirdly enough happy to go to dad even if o am
About which Prob makes mummy feel even worse

Tho agree an ap shouldn't have sole care of under 2's and not work more then 5ish hours a day - hence why good for childcare for school ages children and do 7/9 and 3/6

"Legally" Crowen? What law is that?

hollie84 I don't have to explain myself to you! Au pairs are not experienced enough or trained to be in sole care of a child under two Legally or otherwise.

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone You can make up any laws you want!

You also have no idea of a particular au pair's experience or training.