au pair babysitting..she doesn't hear baby crying...

[Dragonball]

Our 20year old German au pair has been here a month - sweet, young, inexperienced, unconfident but willing to learn. I have a concern though - when we asked her to babysit for us, she told us that she is the deepest sleeper and hasn't ever heard our 2yo DD cry in the night (their rooms are next door - and DD has had a cold so been pretty tearful for the last couple of weeks)…so, she said that she isn't going to go to sleep if we go out and will wait up for us…this is an honest thing to tell us and do, I know. But what if we're back really late (it's my 40th b'day in a few weeks time, so may not be home until, say 2am) and she falls asleep by accident, which I'm guessing she will. We will obviously give her the baby monitor, but she's already told me there was a massive police incident with really loud sirens outside her house in the night at home, and she slept all the way through!
My 5yr old DS also sometimes wakes up for a drink, and although he can call for her, he's in a bunk bed and sometimes needs help down in the night…my main fear is that the 2 yo will just scream and scream for ages and she'll just be oblivious!
What would you do in this situation? If I wAS interviewing for a babysitter and they told me this, I wouldn't employ them, but I didn't realise this until she got here. Or am I over-worrying? My husband jokingly said we should wake up the baby in the night to see if she eventually emerges - but we're obviously not going to do that!
thanks

If she has said she will stay up I would just trust her to do that .

I slept like this at the same age. I still heard a baby cry. I babysat my little cousins and my room was a long way down a narrow passage quite far away from the nursery and I still heard it and woke up.

I have heard/read that women's hearing is attuned to the pitch of a baby's cry.

Why don't you have a 'date night' in the house leaving the au pair in charge to see what happens? Then you'll know.

I find that there is a difference between sleeping when you're in charge of a waking infant and sleeping when you're 'off the hook', as it were. Plus, if she falls asleep on the sofa, she's unlikely to settle into that deep comfy sleep anyway. As stargirl says - you just need to give it a try.

thanks all - yes, we've been out for a night out already and it's been totally fine as we were back before midnight, so au pair was awake and happy to be watching tV - it's harder to experiment with a really late night out as we don't really do that so often. I fear I'll never know if they did wake up and she didn't hear them! or is this just paranoiA?!

I agree that you fall into a different sleep if you know you need to listen out for a baby than you do if you know the baby is someone else's responsibility.

If you have a monitor then surely if she has that by the side of the bed with the volume on high she can't fail to be woken if your dc cries? I wonder if she might have a hearing problem that she hasn't disclosed.

Pre-children I was a really heavy sleeper (slept through a hurricane that wiped out most of our garden) but even I would have woken to a baby crying with a monitor in full volume right next to me - I swear they're louder than the real thing. If she can't hear that I would suggest either a hearing or sleeping disorder. That said, unless you're away & she's going to bed I agree that dozing off is nothing like a deep sleep in bed.

Does the 5 year old have to be in the top bunk? Could he not sleep in a bottom bunk, or even on a mattress or inflatable bed on the floor for one night - then at least you wouldn't have falling out of the bunk to worry about. Better yet, could he share a room with the baby for one night, then you could tell him to wake the au pair if the baby cries and she sleeps through it. I don't think it would be the end of the world if the older child had one night's sleep disturbed - after all you are not 40 every day and I expect everyone would be happy to have a sleep in the following day.

I've just spotted that the "baby" is actually two, which does put a slightly different complexion on things. I'd definitely put the children in together and tell the older one he can wake the au pair if they need anything and she doesn't come when called.

2 am is not that late. If she says she will stay awake, trust her.

Even if she falls asleep, she will probably hear the baby (I once slept with a printer working in the room, I still hear a baby cry in a room at the other side of the house)

tks for all the great advice - the kids actually sleep in the same room anyway - and 9 times out of 10 my 5 year old doesn't wake up when she's crying!
but you're right, I can put him on the bottom bunk for the night and he'll be more likely to get out of bed if he needs her - and I guess I must just trust that she'll stay awake to see me roll in at 2am…
I don't know why it's worrying me so much!

ps. I only call her a baby, as she still cries at night like one - rather than shouting like an older toddler would, plus, she can't get out of her cot!

I am a really heavy sleeper. I often sleep through my own children waking up in the night (they are a bit older now, 4,6,8), but only when DH is there. When he is on nights I hear them, wake up and deal with them. So when I'm in charge I hear them. Your au pair might be like this, but you will never know unless you leave her in charge. A baby moniter in child's room with the listening one by your au pair, turned up to maximum, I doubt she would sleep through that.

I'm a heavy sleeper too, but do hear my DD and think I easily (and happily) could have stayed up until 2am at that age. I think it's good she's been so honest and I'd trust her to be confident in her solution working!

Why do you think she would fall asleep? I'm rarely in bed before 1am. On weekends I'm usually up till 3am or later. I'm not as nocturnal as I used to be, when I was 20 like your au pair I don't think I ever saw my bed before 3am (and I'd still make it to 9am lectures on time just fine!). If I told someone I'd stay up and wait for them, that is exactly what I would do and there would be zero chance of me falling asleep while I waited! I think the last time I fell asleep when I didn't want to I'd been up for nearly 48 hours.

If she's normally tucked up by 9pm or often falls asleep on the sofa, then I suppose your concern is reasonable, but you haven't said anything to indicate that is the case. Is there any reason you think she'd fall asleep?

it will probably be fine.
you sleep differently when in sole charge.
I remember doing 'night shifts' as au pair when host parent were away over night for business. I didn't close my eyes at all slept very lightly, but loke a brick when I wasn't in charge.

Plus - if she is honest enough to discuss this with you - and has already come up with her suggestion to remedy - she sounds very diligent and caring. She can't help being a heavy sleeper, but is prepared to stay awake if she is in charge of your children.

She sounds fab.

Thanks for the advice- it's very encouraging!

Hmm I'm a live in nanny and when im done working, I'm in my room and I switch off and never hear the baby.

But when I'm working in evenings I have the moniter and I hear every little noise going even alseep because when your in charge you don't fully switch off.

I think your Au pair will find this out.

She was honest with you but as others have said it's very diff when not in charge

The family I night nanny for rarely hear their/my twins if they wake up when I'm there as they know they don't have to

Tho how they sleep through the piercing cry I will never know - but good they do or no point me being there iyswim

Obv when I'm not there parents hear them via monitor

So don't worry

I have not woken up in past if dd cried when my mum had kindly offered to be in charge. If I was in charge as usual I would always wake.