AP: am I being unnecessarily worried?

[citytocountry]

Firstly our AP is lovely in lots of ways, and I am not trying to be mean or get rid, I just want to know what would you have done in the following situation?

I got home from work last night to find that she had let DS, age 7, go to the park cycling on his own for quite a long time (in his words (he has no watch etc.) - she thought maybe 30 - 45 mins), whilst she stayed in the house with the other two children watching TV.

We live in London - across from the park, but he had to cross a road alone to get there and back. Its also not the most salubrious place in the late afternoon/evening, even for grown ups. Normally when he cycles I go over there with them all - he does go off out of my sight, but I'm within shouting distance.

Nothing happened, all was fine, but I was pretty shocked, and spent the night lying awake thinking of disaster scenarios (not child snatching, but more, what if he'd fallen off, got lost, been mugged for his bike).

I had a word this morning with them both and said I didn't want it to happen again. Do you think that's sufficient or should I say more - it feels like quite an error of judgement on her part TBH.

Had you told her she could? Or couldn't?

You need to be very clear on ground rules.

It's not her fault if she didn't know you didn't want her to do that, is it?

Did your son know he's not supposed to do that? Had he asked her if he could?

It's in my au pair handbook that the children need to be supervised, esp. when crossing roads. I think that's a pretty clear part of the job? He obviously asked (was trying it on, and was shamefaced about it this morning) but she should have said no or gone over with them all.

Its not going to happen again, so I think having a word this morning was fine on that front and its been put to bed, I just think its a bit worrying to think its ok to let a 7 year old go off on their own?

It might just be me though (hence the thread) :)

I would also be worried about her ability to take wise decision. It's a bit surreal as an Aupair, to think that it's OK, to let a 7 years old get outside alone.

Now, you can just sit down with her and go over the major security and health lines to follow. After all, she is an Aupair, not a nanny, they are not experienced, that's part of the deal to have to explain everything very clearly (even what seems obvious)

I guess it depends on her general attitude.

I guess it depends a lot on where the Au Pair is from? I know in Scandinavia children play out alone unsupervised on their street from they are 3, and as soon as they are school age (6) they go and cycle anywhere they want really.

Would never allow a 7yr to play out alone (apart from
Garden) and def not to cross roads and be in park alone

You shouldn't need to tell her not to allow it. It's common sense - anything could have happened - but luckily didn't

I would have felt like you OP and been awake all night.
I expect that where she comes from children play out on their own. When I was a child in the 60s/70s this would have been normal. But now days the traffic alone makes it a big NO.
She made a massive error of judgement in my opinion. Fair enough she is probably young and not trained in childcare.
I would sit her down and in a nice way explain that the children are to be supervised at all times and exactly what that means. Make a document clearly detailing what each child can do. Eg Ds aged 7 can go out in the back garden. He needs to be supervised at all times crossing roads, he is not allowed to go to park alone etc.
I had an au pair years ago and she left my two children aged 5 & 8 home alone when she went to meet her friend from the village station. She had asked them if they wanted to come , they said no
Nothing happened but I then realised I was wrong to assume re childcare expectations.

Oh, I feel a bit better now that I am not being bonkers, thanks :)

I thought the au pair handbook and general common sense would have covered it (or a phone call text to ask if its was ok), but clearly not. I was firm about my views on it this morning, but I am going to sit down at the weekend and have a proper discussion about supervision and what that means in our family.

I think its a cultural/age thing to be honest (she is 20, from Poland FWIW) - she just doesn't "get" that going out on your own here at that age isn't the done thing. I'm also pretty relaxed on that front (they go off exploring the relatively dangerous garden etc on their own with no supervision) so maybe gave off the wrong impression. Outside of the home unsupervised is a definite no though. Previously she has looked after older children of 10/12 ish, so it could be experience as well.

Time for a reminder of the rules I think, thanks.

As others have said what's obvious to us and really should be to her at 20 May well not be. So yes glad that you made it clear to her. And maybe you need to go through the handbook with her again. Just remember as they are usually not trained experinced childcare's everything does have to be spelt out and made clear.

In many countries, children go to school on their own from the age of 7 so she probably didn't think there was anything wrong with it. It's a cultural thing