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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

am I being petty

50 replies

TotallyOuted · 01/10/2014 21:11

Sorry if this is a bit long but want to get everything that may be important in the first post.

Our nanny was mentioning another person who wanted her to look after their baby (about 1 i think), i was thinking goody nanny share i will pay less money, so agreed, expecting to hear from the other parent to discuss details. When i didn't hear from her i thought it had all fallen through.

This morning i discover that she isn't charging this other person but doing it as favours, so swapping days basically. And one of these days she has the baby is a day she also has my child (currently 3 years old).
So my nanny is looking after somebody elses child for free. Whilst I am paying her, her normal hourly rate, to look after my child, her own baby and this other child.

Now upto here I have a cast iron case, BUT i expect her to let my eldest son have friends round to play after school, so looking after more kids for her money.

Am i being petty to be upset about this friend's child or reasonable?

OP posts:

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RandomMess · 01/10/2014 21:14

Erm no, you are paying her for sole care of your son and you let her bring her child as part of the agreement.

You need to speak to her and explain that as far as you are concerned that day is a nanny share arrangement and her fee would need to be adjusted accordingly.

MeDented · 01/10/2014 21:14

Does she look after them in your home or hers?

mipmop · 01/10/2014 21:15

No no no! For many reasons - as you say you should have a reduction in fees, you should have had the opportunity to meet the other family, and you should definitely have been told when the plan was due to begin so you knew what to expect and maybe to prepare your own children.

It's this happening in your own home?

Floralnomad · 01/10/2014 21:17

Your DS having friends over is irrelevant ,you pay her to look after your children and that includes play dates for older children.

Original poster

TotallyOuted · 01/10/2014 21:22

this is going to sound really weird / pathetic, I am not sure where it is happening. This morning i dropped my youngest at her house because it was her first day back after maternity leave, to give her a little lead in to getting used to a schedule again. I explained I would only be doing this for a short while (gave her a specific time period).
But i don't know if she will just be picking my kids up, taking eldest to school and taking youngest back to her house.

She was based at our house before this but was free to roam about the county visiting friends relatives whoever she fancied.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2014 21:23

If she is looking after children fro 3 diff families then her insurance wouldn't be valid and she is tech being a cm in your home - not legal

Nwoc can't do shares

You should be getting a reduction as she brings her child

Def shouldn't be looking after other people's kids without checking with you - play dates are different

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2014 21:28

Crossed posts. Also if she is looking after your kids in her home /and another then she is breaking the law as assume she isn't a cm

Lovely for you to drop your child off at hers to help but really she needs to be at yours

Cindy34 · 01/10/2014 21:28

Not sure I get what you mean about swapping days.

This other child is coming to your home, using your equipment, sharing your nanny, so there is a cost element to it. Surely the other family involved should be arranging this as a nannyshare.

Is it legal? A nanny caring for children from 3 different families at the same time, is childminder registration. One child is her own but does that make a difference? I don't think so. Doubt anyone would find out but it may give you a reason to say it can't happen.

Original poster

TotallyOuted · 01/10/2014 21:29

oh my gosh just found this: your right blondes
How many families can share a nanny?
A nanny can only care for children from 2 families at any one time. Caring for children from 3 or more families is considered childminding even when it takes places at the home of one of the families and requires registration with OFSTED on the compulsory register.

OP posts:

WeAreEternal · 01/10/2014 21:30

If she was my nanny looking after children other than mine (even her own) I would expect a discounted rate as her attention is divided between my child and the others.
If it was a legitimate nanny share the cost of her time/care would be split between the parents, just because she is choosing not to charge the other parents doesn't mean you shouldn't benefit from a reduced fee.

Karoleann · 01/10/2014 21:31

It sounds as if its just been a misunderstanding. She asked you and you said yes - thinking it was going to be a share situation.

I would just approach it from that angle - you thought it was going to be a contracted share, not her looking after someone else's baby for a favour and you've actually found out its not legal!

Doesn't sound much fun for your 3 year old either

Original poster

TotallyOuted · 01/10/2014 21:32

by swapping days, the other parent (never met or spoken to by me) will look after the nannies child for babysitting, the odd weekend sort of arrangement.
I know there was that case about the two policewomen who did this and didn't they win, as that wasn't the spirit of the law?

OP posts:

Looseleaf · 01/10/2014 21:33

You are not being remotely petty. Not ok at all

Itsfab · 01/10/2014 21:33

This is a nanny who doesn't take her job or you seriously and I would be giving notice.

Cindy34 · 01/10/2014 21:35

Nannies should not ever care for children at the nannies home. Quickly popping in for something may be ok, though insurance won't cover, but for unknown periods of time it is not on.

May be nice for you to drop a child round to her's but not sure how that really helps her, unless they immediately go on school run to a school near her house, then come back to your home.

It sounds as though you don't know what is going on. You really need to find out exactly what the nanny has agreed with the other family and talk to your nanny about how this change will affect their pay, as you consider it to be a nannyshare. The other family should be talking to you about how the nannyshare will work and agreeing between you how costs will be divided when children are cared for together.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2014 21:35

totallyouted indeed I am. Does happen sometimes lol

You need to stop this arrangement now

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2014 21:38

cindy it can't happen as 3 families

Nwoc can never do shares as will turn them into a cm

mipmop · 01/10/2014 21:39

She doesn't sound at all professional- either in way she had handled this situation, "visiting friends and fault around the county", and not realising that she's doing something that breaks rules. The business about you getting a reduced rate it's a red herring - I think I'd look elsewhere even if she offered a reduction in fees. You could be paying for a childminder (and could be getting a better service for much less money from a childminder). Were you told about the other child by your 3yo by any chance, rather than being told by the nanny ?

Cindy34 · 01/10/2014 21:39

The policewomen were not taking children to their paid job.

They were not doing paid work at the same time as caring for their friends child.

It's a different situation.
New regulations in England now has a 2 hour and a 3 hour provision for different types of arrangement between friends. Ofsted has a factsheet I think.

This person is working for you. They should not be doing other things at the same time as working for you, paid or not.

Cindy34 · 01/10/2014 21:41

That's what I thought Blondes. The law goes on about Family A and Family B, so a Nwoc is surely going to be a family, not a nanny with a child who does not get counted anywhere.
So Nwoc doing a nannyshare is not possible.

Original poster

TotallyOuted · 01/10/2014 21:43

what does Nwoc mean as i am guessing you don't mean any of :
North West Orienteering Club,
National Warbird Operator Conference
NeighborWorks Orange County,
North Western Osteopathic Clinic.

OP posts:

Cindy34 · 01/10/2014 21:43

Nanny With Own Child

Corygal · 01/10/2014 21:44

She's taking the piss.

ConcreteElephant · 01/10/2014 21:46

Nanny with own child.

MaryWestmacott · 01/10/2014 21:46

You are not being petty - the childcare swap works for the nanny, but not for you. You are paying for her service, you want her to look after your DS and sometimes host playdates, which is also to your benefit.

This is purely to the benefit of hte nanny.

Suggest to her that the only way you'll accept this is if it's a nanny share situation, and the other parent are paying her, so reducing your costs, if she then pays them when they have her DC, that's her and the other family's issue to sort out.

But as it looks illegal, it needs ot be stopped.

It also would be good to sit down with her and think about how you see this relationship working. If she wants to be a childminder, that's fine, but you will pay childminder rates. If you want a nanny, and she wants to be a childminder, then you need to find a different nanny.

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