first au pair - just arrived…advice on childcare

[Dragonball]

hello, our first au pair has arrived - we are on day 4. Gorgeous German girl, 20.
So far, we get on with her, she's delightful and English slow, but a good basis.
I'm slowly teaching her how to clear up after herself, load dishwasher, etc so my first question, is: is it normal to have to teach/ ask an au pair to do absolutely everything - including clearing plates away after meals etc. She is always very willing to do it - but although i thought I was prepared for an inexperienced youngster, I don't think i was prepared enough!

the second question is, although she has experience with older children (my DS who is 5 already loves having her around) she seems a bit nervous around my 2 year old DD, although is making an effort by sitting with her - but always seems to be a bit at a distance. In a couple of weeks, she'll be picking her up from the childminder at 3 (and then my son from school) and looking after them both for 3 hours while I'm at work, twice a week. I'm a bit nervous about it as I want to feel confident when I leave her with them - is this something that just takes time? should I be doing anything to help? She is gentle, kind, sensitive and thoughtful, so it's not a fundamental personality issue….mainly just experience and confidence I think.

Also, she nearly stepped out in front of a car yesterday as she was looking the other way - added to my nerves as she'll be crossing roads to pick up my children!! I mentioned it, but obviously can't be with her to hold her hand too!

Any advice from experienced au pair hosts would be great. Thanks.

It's probably her first time as an au pair as it is with you being a host family. She must be as nervous about everything as you are. Calm down - it's only her fourth day, she obviously can't adjust to everything straight away.

yes, I realise that. It is our first time and her first time - but I'm just asking if this is normal!

We had 8 au pairs over about 10 years - it's a great experience for everyone when it works (and it always worked for us).

It's totally normal to take a few days to settle in to a new house, with a new family, and learn new routines etc. I would sit down with her in the next few days, now that she's had a chance to settle in, and tell her what you expect her to do every day.

The reservedness (is that a word?) is probably due to language - two year olds are not that easy to understand - and also the fact that you're there. Once she's on her own with the kids, doing her own thing, I'm sure she'll be fine. You wouldn't like it if you were looking after children and their mother was hovering in the background.

In our experience, the au pair arrangement works best for everyone when you treat the AP as part of your family - a grown up daughter/big sister for the children. We invited all of our APs to everything we did as a family. They didn't always come, but they were always invited.

For our really good APs, we would do things like pay for their fare home for the odd holiday. It was worth the cost to keep them, and it's not much to get the bus to European cities.

Happy to give more advice if you pm me. We loved having APs, and so did our kids. We are still in touch with several of them now that our DDs are late teens, and have visited a couple in their home countries.

The first week is always tricky the AP is nervous, you are nervous etc.
I have always treated my APs like a member of the family so initially I will ask them to set the table etc. just as I do with my DD (10). I find that after a couple of weeks I no longer have to ask they fall into a pattern.
When DD was younger I would also make suggestions such as why don't you help DD with some painting etc.

She is till finding her feet, getting used to traffic travelling in the opposite direction these things do iron out pretty quickly.