overwhelmed with childcare arrangements

[machinemum]

we've had a nanny for nine months for dd since she was weeks old. really like her, hard working, punctual, loving. lots of personal problems so days off though I don't mind. recently noticed change in attitude coinciding with a new relationship i don't think is healthy. She seems sad, distracted, bit careless, had a word and felt better. Now she's sick for the whole week. There's been a whole week sick before and quite a few days sick, without warning, on the day. She asked for holiday that's not at all convenient but we have arranged as per terms of contract. Started looking for someone else but it's so overwhelming starting again, risking your child with a stranger. I'm freelance, successful, in demand and my work always gets put on hold, my mind clouded (i'm a creative). Then lots of thoughts about taking time off and just being a mum, will i regret not doing it full time, I haven't ever. Don't know whether to be loyal employer, whether to be hard-nosed professional, whether to be a mum. Feel paralysed and weak and weepy.

Could your child's father take on some of the responsibility for arranging or providing childcare?

yes he does everything he can but he goes to office and i work from home so my time is in theory 'flexible' (can catch up in evenings or weekends) also because i'm in the house all day so i feel like it's up to me to find/build relationship.

Its just that i noticed you said your work always gets put on hold, could your partner take some time off and sort this with you? You do seem very overwhelmed by it. Do you want to give up work? Would your partner give up work? Would he go part time and split childcare with you? Could he work from home one day a week? It isnt just down to you to provide or arrange childcare. Or to stress about it.

Ours was with us 9 years and at most took one day off sick a year. I think yours has been off sick far too much (do you pay her when she is off sick?), Find someone else. They will probably be a lot better.
There are a lot of good people looking for work at the moment.

I certainly think babies can thrive when you enjoy your work. I always worked full time.

Your nanny is taking the piss. This level of sickness is not normal in a decent nanny. Get rid and either get another nanny OR use a nursery. You really don't want a sad, distracted taking the piss nanny taking care of your lo.

I KNOW how hard it is to start again from scratch, I have been there, but once the relationship deteriorates like this, she needs to go. You have my sympathy OP.

thank you so much. i think you're all right. it does feel like she's taking the piss. yes i pay her when she's sick. should i just get rid, i could cope without her or keep her on find someone else secretly? thanks again!

Get rid, look for some one new while she is serving out her notice - we have had our nanny for 8 years and in that time she's only had a week max off sick (and a couple of days compassionate leave). That amount of time off sick, and letting her personal life effect her work life, is not normal.

Don't put anything above SSP in your new nannies contract. You can always then choose to pay her if she's only sick occasionally.

I don't think any of my nannies have had more than 2 days off ever.

One tip of the next contact - no pay for the first 3 days off sick and then statutory sick pay only. That is a good way to ensure employees do not abuse sick leave. If they aren't getting paid if off sick they tend to turn up to work. Plenty of employees in big companies are on that kind of sickness deal.

I can understand your frustration, but in her defence, she could have been genuinely ill and like any employee, she is entitled to days off and sick pay ...

Now speaking as a former nanny, parents might not realise how isolating it can be in this role, with no adult colleagues to talk to throughout the day. Meeting people briefly for toddlers groups etc doesn't normally count. I now work in a nursery and it was such a relief for me earlier this year to come in after my relationship broke down suddenly and I needed support. We all support each other through tough times, so that work for me is a safe place to come to, to distract me and cheer me up. A nanny does not have this companionship. You could try showing a bit more compassion and understanding, and hopefully this will make her feel better in herself, as well as more loyal/conscientious about not letting you down either.