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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Dd doesn't like the nanny we've chosen

23 replies

rumtumtugger · 28/08/2014 20:40

We've had a fair bit of trouble in our nanny search and finally seem to have found one that's seemingly kind, fun, safety conscious, reliable...and available! However, I asked dd (3.5) about her and she said that she liked her but not that much. When pressed, she said that she didn't like her much because she didn't "give a book to my sister" (none of the other candidates have though??). She's been really effusive about a couple of the other nannies who unfortunately have accepted jobs elsewhere.

She seems to clam up when I ask for more feedback - I really don't want to ignore her gut negative reaction but can't figure out what to do. I need this nanny to start next week, I hope my desperation isn't clouding my judgement

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Karoleann · 28/08/2014 21:07

How long did your 3.5yo spend with the nanny?

They're very fickle at this age, my 3.5 yo can change her mind on any subject several times a day. Even asking a child of that age what she wants to wear is subject to change!

Go with your own gut instinct and ignore the 3 year old.

Original poster

rumtumtugger · 28/08/2014 21:16

Yes she does change her mind frequently - but it's strange she's been positive about the others, and only negative about this one (and one other that we also thought unsuitable). I'd feel awful if I ignored a valid reaction just cos she couldn't properly articulate it

OP posts:

Crowen85 · 29/08/2014 11:12

A three year old will tell you that, because a three year old would prefer mummy to look after her!

I'm not saying that to be judgy I'm saying it because I am a nanny and I know that three year olds are precocious little monkeys lol!

Give the poor girl a change to do her job.

nbee84 · 29/08/2014 12:01

I'd make sure that in the 1st couple of days dd and nanny get to do something nice together, rather than just day to day stuff. Maybe an outing with a picnic or a swimming trip or something.

FlorenceMattell · 29/08/2014 16:09

3 year old like to take charge. But they look at the world from their own point of view only . They have no idea of safety , healthy choices etc. I can't believe you are going to let child choose their nanny . How silly. You are the adult.
No doubt the three year old sensed some of the other nannies were a soft touch.
She would probably prefer the nanny who doesn't hold her hand on walks - what fun to run around the car park.
In the cafe how about the one who
will allow her to stand on the chair and only eat ice cream.
Get a grip , trust your own instinct.

FlorenceMattell · 29/08/2014 16:15

Three year olds like to take charge. Your daughter probably sensed some of the nannies were a soft touch.
She would no doubt like a nanny who let's her be boss. What fun to run around a car park - no hand to hold. What fun jumping on the chairs in a cafe. Much better to miss the fruit and vegetables and just have cakes.
Get a grip you are the adult trust your own instinct.

VanitasVanitatum · 29/08/2014 16:16

I would definitely let her start, you can always give notice if your dd is unhappy after a month or so? Maybe dd was just having a bad day, or some small thing happened that your dd misinterpreted? First impressions can be wrong as an adult too, no reason to write it off yet.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/08/2014 17:55

least she said she liked her

sounds a typical 3yr who hasnt a clue what they want

and possibly also wants you at home instead of a nanny

as others have said ignore dd views and get her to start but make sure probation period in contract

ApocalypseNowt · 29/08/2014 17:57

Your daughter probably gleaned you were actually going to offer this one the job. If you hadn't she might well have liked her as much as the others...

GinIceAndASlice · 30/08/2014 08:03

My 3yo was a little unsettled when our nanny started at the start of the month. She really went clingy and the heart strings got tugged with 'but I want you Mummy' type comments. She'd been in a nursery environment before so not a stranger to me working etc

Fast forward to last week just after Nanny had gone home 'I want x to comeback for a long time. ..forever and ever!'

Make your own choice, 3 yos can be fickle to say the least.

Original poster

rumtumtugger · 31/08/2014 00:24

Thanks for your posts. Florence your posts did make me chuckle - what funny assumptions you've made!

We had her back again for a play today and DD said the same thing - liked her, but didn't want her to be her nanny. Couldn't articulate her reasoning any further. We also had another nanny visit us for the first time who DD and us both liked! So we're going to do a trial with this one. Fingers crossed!

I find it interesting that you all think I'm crazy for wanting to take DD's feelings into consideration though. It'll be interesting to see how she reacts to this new candidate when we see her again!

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/08/2014 01:04

After the trial ask dd which nanny she would like and be interesting of she says first saving or neither

FlorenceMattell · 31/08/2014 09:43

Glad I made you laugh OP.
I think taking account of children's opinion is ok if done very carefully. If you let you three year old know that what she says goes then that is very silly.
You then undermine the nannies authority. So the nanny will have trouble getting the child to behave. I have seen it too many times.
Doubt your nanny will stay long to be honest. Your daughter sounds a precocious child.
God help you when she goes to school - will she choose her teachers too?

SaltyGoodness · 31/08/2014 22:47

Er.... Right. thanks for that interesting contribution Florence

Aaaaaanyway.... Lovely weather we're having lately, isn't it?

Original poster

rumtumtugger · 01/09/2014 00:56

You seem to have some very strong views, Florence. Are you a nanny?

OP posts:

TheFantasticFixit · 01/09/2014 01:24

Florence where on EARTH have you got the idea that the OPs child is precocious and the OP 'silly'?

OP, i think your DD sounds lovely. I'm sure she'd be fine with Nanny 1 if it came to it but if she likes Nanny 2 better, as do you, then that sounds ideal.

I'm struggling to understand why it is so wrong to not involve a child in the process of recruiting a new Nanny - surely, if the child warms to them, and actively enjoys their company that's a big bonus?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 01/09/2014 01:35

Simply because 3 year olds are fickle. Their decision making process isn't exactly fully formed

StripyBanana · 01/09/2014 01:59

Does she understand what "would you like x to be your nanny" means? Has she had one beforsr? At 3 they often completely misunderstand our questions.

It's also quite a big responsibility to give a child. She might be struggling with trying to please you/work out the "correct" answer is etc.

At 3 their concepts are so limited so questions which make sense to us dont always to them. (Does she realise you arent replacing yourself/that you will come back even! I'm always amazed at assumptions we make about a childs understanding.)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 01/09/2014 02:52

At Ds's nursery (I nearly wrote dd's but then remembered that she had left as she starts school on Tuesday! ) when a new child starts they watch them for a few days to see who they bond with before deciding who is to be their key carer. Like all people, children do have people they instinctively like and those they don't. They can be fickle and irrational but that doesn't mean we should ignore their views.

If there is another nanny that fits all your criteria and your dd really likes her then go with her. After all, your dd is the one who will spend some huge proportion of her waking hours with her. It that is because she has a purple jumper on (dd likes people who wear yellow / orange / purple as they are her favourite colours) then that sounds as good a reason as any.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 01/09/2014 03:50

Snort! Florence seems to be having a bad day and hopefully feels. Egged having for rid of all that grumpiness on this thread :) Silly, precocious and you're undermining the nannies authority - which I think takes talent to do as you haven't even employed one yet!

Im glad you've found another potential as its easier then to get a sense of whether dd just doesn't want a nanny or whether she really doesn't like the individual. Easier to ask 'who would you like to come back to look after you sometimes? Bertha or Gertrude?' and then add that into your final decision making.

My Ds does tend to like nearly everyone on first meeting, but likes those who are playful or joke with him loads more than the ones who are trying to get through the interview and find it hard to change gears. If he did really take against someone, I think I'd have to listen to that, as I'd not be quite sure why and would worry about it.

BeckyBusto · 01/09/2014 08:28

Crumbs Florence, do you even like children? You seem to have assumed the worst.

I think the nanny/child/parents relationship is based on all things clicking - so if for some reason dd has a problem, and there are other lovely nannies available, then go with one who will give you an easy start to the relationship.

The one you like (and dd doesn't) might be utterly lovely in all ways, but for some reason dd isn't feeling it - this nanny is not for you. She is for another family.

I don't know your situation OP - are you going back to work? Did dd take a dislike straight away or when she thought the nanny might be a serious proposition? Just a tiny thought. But if that wasn't the situation, then go with another nanny if a good candidate comes along.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/09/2014 10:44

thats what i said mis though spelt second wrong/or iphone changed it lol

ask dd if she wants first or second lady to be her nanny and look after her while she is at work, if you like both and cant chose

Original poster

rumtumtugger · 01/09/2014 21:24

So we had a trial with nanny 2 today, which went well. Dd had fun and is looking forward to seeing her again tomorrow. I asked if she would like to see nanny 1 again, and the answer was, "no, nanny 2". I think we have our winner! At least until next week when she decides she prefers nanny 1

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