Grandmother or cousin who is a registered childminder ?

[Bambamboom]

I'll try and keep this brief, but basically when I first decided to go back to work I asked my mil of she would mind taking my dd 2x a week, she said she would only take her for one day (Thursday) as they like there long weekends (ie wouldn't take her Friday) that was fine and I understood but it really wasn't worth me going back once a week and not really an option with my employer.
Since then I found another job and my in laws moved abroad for 6 months so my dd went to my cousin who is a registered childminder and she loves it. My cousin looks after other children close in age to dd and my dd adores her aunty and uncle too.
However my mil is coming back and expects me to tell my cousin (who is Amazing with dd and other children) that she isn't taking dd anymore because my in laws are back and have now decided they do have time for my child and want to take her.
My dd loves her grandad but unfortunately doesn't seem to get on with mil and grandad won't even be about to look after her as he will be working so will just be mil & dd.
She barely knows her because they moved and although I have to pay my cousin she absolutely loves having dd and dd loves going to her but I just don't know how to say this with out mil getting upset.
Do you think it's fair?
I don't really trust my mil, she's not very nice to her own son and never does anything fun with my dd when she used to have her, she was only interested in taking dd (who is now 18 months) shopping for clothes and dressing her up in them :/
Oh I don't know, but I think it's a fair request that dd stays with my cousin, or is it?

Just thank your MIL for the offer, but your DD is settled at her childminder and loves it. Why on earth you would even think of leaving your DD with someone who don't trust? There are so many problems ahead for you if you do...

I guess I never planned to leave dd with mil I'm just seeking some reassurance as mil will be very upset when I say no.
It's going to be very tough constantly telling her "no" when she asks to take dd and just worry when she crys etc I'll cave.

Try occasional half days with mil to see how it goes and whether your dd has a nice time. Don't take her away from regular Childcare she loves.

Things you can say:
Dd is settled with her childminder, disrupting her isn't a good idea
There are tax breaks for using registered care so we're sticking with this, thanks
No, that doesn't work for us

Ideally your husband would be reiterating the No thank you to his mother, rather than you having to grit teeth and have the conversation

Yanbu to refuse to change the current childcare arrangements.

Oh dear, one of those, is she? Poor you

I think you need to decide what you and your daughter would prefer - and it sounds like you already have.

So: imagine your daughter's upset at being removed from a carer she loves. How sad she'll be, leaving her friends and the excellent care your cousin is giving. Think of how disappointed and hurt your cousin will feel, and how you'll be kicking yourself for giving in to your MIL.
It's also possible that your MIL hasn't considered the implications - that she must be reliable and not decide to go off on holiday at the last minute, leaving you to find alternative care.

When your MIL produces her tears, remember all that. It'll help you stay strong. You're doing what's best for your daughter so keep that in mind.

I think, if I were you, I'd thank MIL for her kind offer - no doubt it is kindly meant - but explain that you wouldn't dream of tying her down to such a commitment and you want her to have a grandmother relationship rather than be carer to your daughter.

Not easy, I know. I think you can do it, though. Good luck x

Sorry my post wasn't clear. I agree with Tanith. I meant the half days for her to build her relationship with her grandparents occasionally, not as regular Childcare.

If your MIL cries, then just think of your DD crying. You need to do what is best for your DD. That really is the end of it.