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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

+Sad little new mindee....

11 replies

Earthymama · 19/09/2006 10:13

She's 21/2 yrs old, never been away from mumand dad, apart from failed attempt at nursery. She's very bright and lovely, but is distraught when she thinks about mummy or daddy. If we watch TV or have a story it sets her off if there are parents or children, or anything really.
Also I have to pass her house when collecting from school, so arrive with wailing child, saying constantly, I miss my mummy. Yesterday was three hours out of six that she cried. She walks up to people in street and shops saying I miss my mummy, where's my mummy?
Help me, she's so lovely been coming for 3 weeks so trial nearly at end. Lovely parents who are desperate for this to work.It's affecting everyone though as I'm feeling I can't go around with heartbroken child all the time.I feel sad and such a failure.
Any advice would be welcome, I've tried distraction , lots of activities, playgroup. Today we are going to Soft Play.
What can I say to her that will help her??
Thanks

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CarlyP · 19/09/2006 10:15

im not a CM, but my boys often says they've 'lost' mummy and daddy when we go to work, which is upsetting. as you say you have tried most things. perhaps having pictures of them and getting her to talk about them will help her realise there are 'with' her even if not there in body.......

good luck.

CarlyP · 19/09/2006 10:15

also, what about getting her to do things for mum and dad, like a pciture, crafty thing etc?

sorrell · 19/09/2006 10:18

What do the parents say? I'd be devastated if this was my child, and would be seriously think about changing my working arrangements. This isn't your fault.

dmo · 19/09/2006 10:20

good ideas Carley
rather than trying not to mention parents it might be better to talk about them
i alway say to mine eat your dinner for your mum and dad etc
make pictures
bake biscuits

when walking passed her house make a game b4 you get there saying are they in? and when you pass say oh no not yet but soon lets go to school and get ???????

Jensmum · 19/09/2006 11:20

When my dd started nursery school the teachers gave us all a disposable camera to take photos of her favourite things and people. They made them all into a little book and whenever she got weepy she got it out and told everyone about the pictures it really helped her and she's still using it now in reception.

Maybe you could do something similar and make a small scrapbook.

I think the way forward might be to talk more about them more.

My eldest mindee was 2 1/2 when he started and he thought his mum wasn't going to come back (used to cry most of the day) so she used to give him an old set of keys to look after so he knew she was going to collect him. We also used to draw her a picture everyday of all her favourite things this seemed to help

bakedpotato · 19/09/2006 11:26

Oh, this is sad.
Just wondered, do the parents say a proper goodbye and tell her that they'll be back to pick her up later on? Or do they just tiptoe away, hoping to avoid a scene? It sounds like she is confused/not sure what's happening. It might help if she knew exactly what to expect.

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2006 12:04

i agree with mum leaving something behind, what about a jumper/ scarf with mums smell on it?

Enid · 19/09/2006 12:07

I hope the parents never read mumsnet

CountessDracula · 19/09/2006 12:11

Maybe she is not ready yet to be left.

Honestly I couldn't do this, dd cried a bit for a week when she went to nursery at 2.5 but if it had gone on any longer I would have pulled her I reckon

How long was her failed nursery attempt?

Do you think she would fare better in her own home ie with a nanny?

Did they start by leaving her for an hour then upping it?

Original poster

Earthymama · 20/09/2006 13:14

Sorry couldn't access Childminders due to tech fault so couldn't update you all.
She's fine, I sat her on my knee yesterday when she had been dropped off by her poor daddy, who was so upset too, then I said, This is really silly, you can do lovely things here, play with all the toys, do painting etc, but you just keep crying. Why don't you stop so we can tell mummy and daddy about your fun day? She gulped and said OK and didn't cry again!!
I was gobsmacked but so relieved. we can talk about them without any tears. (By the way, I wasn't not mentioning them it was just that the word mummy set her off in floods for hours!)
Also it doesn't matter if her parents do use MN, I had to tell them, we live in a village and someone would be sure to say your little one is heartbroken with Earthy!!!
I've no idea what made her change,little ones can be a mystery. I'm not counting my chickens but it's so nice to see her laughing!!
Thanks for your advice.

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Original poster

Earthymama · 20/09/2006 13:15

Love the idea re camera, will try that with her and any new ones, thank you

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