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Anyone had a nanny come back to work after maternity leave, with their baby?

20 replies

RedTartanLass · 18/09/2006 13:36

My nanny is due in January and has asked if she can bring her baby when she comes back to work. To be honest I?m chuffed to bits that?s she?s coming back, the LOs absolutely adore her. DS2 will be at playgroup for 2 of the 4 afternoons, and DD will be about 18 months.

Just wondering is there any potential problems I should be aware of, also how do you get maternity cover for a few months. Are there nannies willing to do just a few months?

OP posts:
MaryP0p1 · 18/09/2006 13:40

It sounds like you have a good working relationship and keep that up and all will be fine.

RedTartanLass · 18/09/2006 13:49

MaryP0p, thanks for that, we have a brilliant relationship and I know I'm so so lucky to have her looking after my LOs. Your post echos what I feel, but just wanted to be forewarned in case I have overlooked something!!

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chipkid · 18/09/2006 13:54

guess it depends on how flexible she will be in terms of her own child's routine. I would be a little miffed if my own child's needs or routine took second place to the new baby's. This is all stuff that you will need to ask her.

Uwila · 18/09/2006 14:01

I would look at things like compatability. You know if she is going to have a Gina baby, will it be compatible with your child's music class, etc. But, if you are happy with her and sounds as though you are yes, I'd probably try it out.

But, I would consider a reduction in pay as you will be accommodating her child. I don't really have any experience of a nanny share, but say 80% of what she makes now. That still works out to be very cheap childcare for her. And, I'd probably ask her to provide her child's food and nappies until he/she is old enough to eat what everyone else eats. So if she was making sheppards pie, I'd be happy for her to mush it up for her little one, but probably wouldn't be so keen to stick my pantry with jars of baby food.

You need to think about what you will provide and what she will provide.

RedTartanLass · 18/09/2006 14:09

See that?s why I asked mumsnet, I hadn?t even thought that the new baby?s routine would come before my LOs, just assumed it wouldn?t Also it hadn?t even crossed my mind about food and nappies, again just assumed she?d bring her own.

I think we?re both making a lot of assumptions and need a more in-depth discussion. As for reducing her pay do people do that? That just doesn?t feel right, I can?t see us going down that route.

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chipkid · 18/09/2006 14:20

retartanlass-usually a nanny who brings her own child along does receive less income for that reason-this was certainly the case when I was looking for one.

A really frank discussion before she returns is essential so that there are no misunderstandings.

RedTartanLass · 18/09/2006 14:24

Chipkid, does your nanny have her own child with her?

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chipkid · 18/09/2006 14:29

no she doesn't-but the nanny we nearly hired had a school age child who she assumed would come to ours after school and during holidays.
It was an issue for us as it was presented out of the blue and it does throw up all sorts of issues as to who's needs come first-certainly she planned to collect her dd from school with my baby dd in the car having travelled first to another area to collect ds from his school.
we did not hire her in the end-not for that reason-but it did put me off.
your situ is different as you like this girl-you just need to remember that you are the employer and you are entitled to set down some ground rules to ensure that your children are looked after in the way that you want them to be.

Uwila · 18/09/2006 15:35

RTl, if I was hiring a nanny who had a child for the first time I would definitely expect to pay less (say 20-40% reduction depending on who had how many kids, etc.). If, however, she already worked for me as in your case I would consider a much smaller reduction say 10% if I really wanted to keep her. It is a nanny share. Your kids will not get the same attention they used to get. I really believe you should pay less for those sacrifices. However, a nanny share also has it's benefits. For example, your kids might really enjoy having a baby around. It might be good for them.

If I were you, I think I'd look 12 months into the future and map out what I expect my kids schedules to be like (shcool/activity schedules, nanny's nursery duties, etc.), I'd present that to the nanny and say "this how I see the future, how do you see it?" It might be fine. She might be perfectly happy for her baby to nap in the pram whilst she attends ballet with your kids. Or, she might say, oh no, my baby must always sleep in her cot.

You have to, of course, do what is best for your kids. And, you also have to consider that if you could hire someone else for 30% less, then that might be something you need to look at. 30% of an annual nanny salary is a lot of money to me, and I would certainly consider it in my decision.

RedTartanLass · 18/09/2006 15:48

Brilliant advice and valid points....thanks. Sometimes I'm too much of a "live each day as it comes" kinda girl and don't plan as well as I should.

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wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 18/09/2006 17:30

I went back to work at 3 weeks after i had my baby . I had three to look after and my DS the day i got back she told me she was pregnant with her fourth LOL . It worked for another 18 months after that and then mum gave up work . I did not get a reduction in pay but the mum knew how I worked ( very hard ) and she knew no one else would take care of her kids like I did . I used to do the family food shop and family washing . (6 people ) so I did earn my money . My baby just slotted right in and they became his extended family . I had a cupboard shelf in the utility room where i put bottles and nappys and 2 lots of spare clothes . I had a travel cot set up and took it down every day . i bottled fed as otherwise it would have messed up the kids school run (My choice) It can work if you want it too .

Uwila · 18/09/2006 18:23

Wow, waeupandsmellthecoffee, I think any employer (in any line of work) would like to find more people like you.

Bluebear · 18/09/2006 18:40

My nanny brings her ds to work with her - but she already had ds when we hired her. We pay her slightly less than the going rate - and we have a contract agreeing that we will pay for ds's food, but she pays for his nappies.
Things to think about are:
we still have all our baby toys out for her ds to use - our youngest is almost 3 and house would be a lot tidier if we could get rid of the baby toys.
We have baby gates everywhere and have to be babyproofed.
Luckily she is happy for him to nap in the buggy so haven't had problems with his routine interupting our children but we do still have a cot up for him to nap in if they are at home.
Certain classes are not an option anymore as there she cannot take dd and her ds (eg gym class where carer has to go in with child).
We have bought a car which can take 3 kid's seats in the back as neither of us had cars big enough for 3 kids plus driver (without using front seat).
Also need to come to an agreement about what to do if her child is ill eg. viral stomach upset, and if your children are ill ish (ie. would normally be ok with nanny rather than mum but would nanny take them if she thought her baby would catch it).
Also our nanny needs the occasional half day off for things like ds's 8 month check (although I encourage her to take dd with her so she needn't take it as holiday).
Our dd loves having the baby around, and it is more of an extended family atmosphere than anything else.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 18/09/2006 19:25

wow from you uwila thats praise indeed .

mishmash · 18/09/2006 20:50

We tried it RedTartan but it didn't work for us. Nanny's baby was very cross and screamed continuously. In the end (after 2 weeks) Nanny was stressed, I was stressed, the kids weren't getting the care they needed and neither was her baby so we called it a day.

elastamum · 18/09/2006 20:58

Our nanny looked after her younger brother as her mum had died and she used to pick him up after school and bring him to ours for tea. He was 7 poor mite and like an older brother to DS1. We had the odd problem when one or other was sick but all muddled through until he went to secondary school. We just used to feed and include him in activities as one of the family, the kids loved him

mummybunny · 18/09/2006 21:38

I think that if you like your nanny then its a great idea to give it a go. After all, it can be hard to find a nanny who you really get on with and it sounds like you like her!
Just get the ground rules sorted before you start and hopefully it will all be happy families!

madchad · 19/09/2006 23:41

The company may be lovely for all three, but you do need to consider when she's planning to return ie what her baby's needs will be, and that she has thought through how she'll juggle all needs.
Depending on the children's ages, you may also want to think about how she can walk all three safely-eg two in the buggy and one walking assuming the oldest is say 3-4 yrs.
Will she be able to push with one hand and hold the oldest with the other? You can get buggy boards for double buggies, or she could use a sling for the baby.
Three across the back of the car is usually no problem as long as you don't have a just a central lap belt, and put the larger seats side by side. Works in our nanny's small Fiat.
Is your 18 month old going to be okay about this, as he/she effectively becomes the middle child.
Just a few thoughts. If she's that great, and expectations are clear, it could be win win.
Definitely agree that salary should reflect extra child as attention will be split. I can't take my kids to work, and even if I could, I wouldn't be able to do my job as well as mind them.

lisalisa · 19/09/2006 23:50

Message withdrawn

RedTartanLass · 22/09/2006 19:11

oh wow thanks for all your viewpoints. Feel really sad that some of nannies returning didn't work, and amazed at wakeupandsmellthecoffee!!!

I think it's coming across quite clear that no matter what your relationship is before the baby, that is clearly going to change afterwards, either for the better ot worse. OMG am I talking about Nannies or partners

So I think we need a good clear plan and borders need to be set. , basically everything I'm crap at.

Don't know if I feel better or worse after starting this thread

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