Choosing a childminder

[rattlesnakes]

I have read a few things about choosing childcare, with the consensus being that the best thing to do is trust your instinct in finding the right person. I have visited 3 nurseries and 2 childminders and I'm happy with one of the nurseries and one childminder.

I prefer to send my daughter to the childminder as she's only 11 months, but really I just thought the childminder was fine. I didn't love her, and I don't feel 100% confident as I don't know her! We have spoken to another parent who was happy with the childminder, although her kids are a little older. Unfortunately we are limited with childcare in our area and can't do a lot of shopping around.

The woman seems capable, calm and kind, but don't have any particular gut feeling about whether she'll be ok. You never really know what a person is like behind closed doors. I am just being neurotic? My daughter is at the stage where she is into absolutely everything and has to be watched like a hawk. How can I be sure that she'll be properly supervised?

Did you get to watch the cm with the other kids? That usually gives a lot of clues. Or could you tell her you really enjoyed meeting her, and ask whether you could have a chat to any of her existing families or the outgoing one if you are taking another child's spot? With nurseries it's sometimes a little easier to see from observation as there are so many kids about and usually policies in place that you can read, but id still see if you could get a few views from local parents if possible.

I know how hard it is, and frankly it should be - at my work we wouldn't even employ an intern without 2 interviews and a reference check, so was a bit shocked when people expect you to make a decision about care for the most important little people in your life based on a half hour observation!

Also, having used cms and nurseries before, normally I would always choose a good cm over a good nursery, but an average nursery feels less risky to me than an average cm... We had a bit of a bad experience with one who played favourites, so my dd got brilliant care while ds1 absolutely did not, so we tried nursery for a bit (fine but hectic and they were sick ALL the time), and only chose to go with our current cm once we had spent some more time with her and had got glowing testimonials from a few other parents - but she's amazing, I don't know how we'd cope without her!

Good advice Custard. Thank you. The sick all the time bit worries me about nursery. Perhaps we should ask if we can go and see her again. I'm trying to walk the line between thorough and paranoid!

We also found the kids were ill soooooo much due to the big numbers of kids sent ill to nursery.

But it must have put their immune systems into overdrive as they have not had so much as a sniffle since (and they are now 12 and 13!!)

I'm now a CM, was a nursery manager. I would absolutely say look around, and try to get a taste of as many different options as you can, second visits are perfectly ok!!

I personally think that the quality of care that a child will receive at a good CM,will outshine any nursery, just because, no matter how outstanding nurseries are, they can't go out to the park, library, farm, soft play, on the bus or train,every day like CM can.

For under 3yr olds, I think if you can find a CM you like, it so much better! It's Not just the sickness that bothers me with nurseries, but the high turn over of staff, how likely is it that your 11month old will be with the same person everyday?

Having said that, nurseries are a wonderful option for many people and I wouldn't want to make people doubt them!

Thanks ACM88 and everyone. All really helpful advice. I rang the childminder to clarify how much supervision she gives to an 11 month old. Her response was that basically she makes sure the area is safe, but doesn't supervise them every minute, for example when she is cooking/in the loo. Is this pretty standard? I find I have to be in the same room as my daughter at all times, but then perhaps my house is less safe than hers?!

I would not expect a CM to take my child to the loo with her - whatever age. I would expect them to make sure the area they are in for that short time is safe - e.g. for 11m a playpen or similar.

Cooking...mmmm - I would not have my child in the kitchen with me when I was cooking - too many dangers, they would be in an adjoining room, or napping.

It is definitely standard to not be physically with the child at all times - but the environment will be safe.

Yes that's standard, they aren't our children, I would never have them on my lap whilst I'm on the loo hahhaa you pop them in a high chair strapped in or travel cot with toys, whatever you have to do to keep them safe.

If you don't mind me saying, you sound a tad anxious about this?! Tell your CM exactly what you are feeling, she will be able to provide you with reassurance. It's a big decision, so only do what makes you happy, but don't forget, it's always so much worse for you, than your child. She will have an amazing time with all the new toys, messy activites, and new children!!

You're right ACM I am anxious! It just seems so weird handing her over to a complete stranger. I want to make sure I get it right.

Consider what you do when at home, a childminder will do similar. You probably don't take your DD with you to the loo but you probably do keep the door open so you can hear if she needs attention. Once wallking, DD will probably follow CM to the loo - As a nanny, I find that even if left playing in the next room they suddenly get an urge to come and find you.

Children love to help with cooking, sometimes that is possible, other times it is not. When you cook, what does DD do? You don't not cook because DD is there, you find a balance that works, a way to keep her safe whilst you make lunch/tea.

Childminding is a home environment, it is more like being part of a family.

Whatever you decide, you can always change later on. Try something for six months, if it really is not working then change.

Thanks all for your advice. It's calmed me down a little. As you say nanny it doesn't have to be forever if it doesn't work out.