First time with an au pair- advice?

[oremstango]

Hello,

I'd welcome input from people who have had au pair before. Our first is a few days in and we are finding it quite a big adjustment. The ap is great and everything going really well- I assumed they would cover their hours and want some time alone but is generally always around giving us less solo time with kids then expected. Nice problem to have I know! How long does it take though for arrangement to feel normal overall as still feels a bit odd.

Also we booked a weekend away not knowing timing of this for next weekend. I would prefer to have it just us but know they'd feel lonely being here solo 2 weeks in. That said also want to create some boundaries as well. Thoughts welcome...

Thank you!!

It's hard. They always became part of the family with us. Watched TV , ate meals and sometimes went out together. We now have long term contact with about 10 still and have had their child to stay one time.
It's a whole new way of living. Really strange at first but when it stopped I felt quite Lonely without them around. I didn't set boundaries with being round the family as I felt as they were living with us we all kind of merged. The au pair often wanted our company in off work times but often went out meeting friends etc. the kids formed good relationships with them so would seek them out. That's my experience I know others have a more formal/ business like arrangement or relationship with them. But that didn't work in our house.

I'm off to collect our 10th au pair later this evening!

It is important to set boundaries and, whilst I think it's really important that they spend some off duty time with you as a family, you also need some without them.

I'd start to have conversations about how you can help them to develop some independent interests / activities / friends. Say you don't want them to feel lonely when you go away or spend time as a family - like this weekend OR like will happen next time. Be clear about needing some space and also accepting that she'll be there some of the time. As you say that is much better than disappearing every minute she isn't working.

Let us know how it goes.

Since I first starting having au pairs it has a got easier to help them find friends. Previously they had to go to college so the summer was a nightmare.
Now Facebook is your friend search groups for au pairs locally and people your APs nationality locally. My current AP arrived on a Saturday and had her first night out the very next Friday. Last weekend she meet up on Saturday with another AP who had arrived on Friday.
Regarding being away so close to starting is a bit tricky, but I left current AP after 3 weeks for 3 days feeding the cats. I gave her money to buy her own food as well as plenty of food in the fridge and freezer.
Now 6 months on we are going away and I have meet multiple times one her friends who is going to stay 2 of the 4 nights.

Thanks for the input all. Everything is going well so far but definitely a bit tricky as he clearly wants to eat meals with us even though I was clear that during the week this was time just for me and my husband, family together meals on weekends most welcome. I think even at 22 the ap is less independent than I would have expected and not comfortable getting out and about to explore solo which is hard.

Overall think it's a good choice for us for now but still definitely adapting to some of the distinct highs and lows of the set up.

I think AP,a should eat all meals with you , they are supposed to be part of the family like a big sister to your dc.

Do you have any friends with au pairs that he could meet up with - he'll meet more people when the English classes start in September.

I would try and be a bit more pro-active with the food and sit down with him to plan out meals for the week. Our au pairs don't eat with us every night in the evening, but they have a kitchen in their flat and I provide a sainsbury's card so they can go out and buy their own stuff.

PaMaci - is aupairvillage your website?

You keep linking to it.....and you're obviously not allowed to advertise on this board. Also, the language you use in your posts is very similar to the style on the website.

Eating with your au pair as a family is ideal, but it doesn't always work out that way. DH and I don't usually sit down to eat until 8.30/9pm and neither of us are in a mood for a conversation with anyone or each other! We usually sit and read the paper.