26 weeks pregnant and have a one year old. Dad away. Will I need help?

[Lucy955]

Hello,

Has anyone else been in a similar position? My DH is away with the army for the last few months of the pregnancy but should be back a week before the birth. I don't have any family or close friends I can call on as we have recently moved to a new area. I have been looking at childcare options but quite frankly I have no idea what my needs will be? At the moment I've hired someone to help with the cleaning and walk the dogs, ordered some very nice organic meals to be delivered and I'm focusing all my energy on looking after DS. However, I am wondering if I will need help caring for (and particularly lifting) my 30lb very active son towards the end. What do other people do? This can't be that unusual? Am I naive for assuming it will all be fine?

Lucy

I don't think you'll need help with DS, not if you're generally a coper anyway and have been able to arrange to have a lot of your other work done by someone else but I do think you need to have a plan for if baby arrives early.

Yes, that's very true. Who on earth can I hire for that eventuality? I would hate him to be dumped with someone he doesn't know. I suppose that means I should really hire someone ASAP so he has time to get to know them but quite frankly I have no idea if I could even afford to hire someone full time and would a part-timer come and look after him if things happen in the middle of the night??? My parents are four hours away and I'm sure would come if they needed too but they don't have the best health and I'm not sure they would cope.

Help!

Lucy

Well, you have a "few months". Are you working or will you be taking DS to toddler groups etc? I think the best thing would to be to cultivate a few friendships for you and him so that he will stay with someone he knows, if necessary. I know people often worry about asking someone other than the closest friend for such a "big" favour but everyone likes to feel needed and most people would be thrilled to be asked to help out in these circumstances IMO.

Yes, I am going to every toddler group I can. Thanks yes very good point. I would certainly help out if a neighbor needed me.

Just one more thought, although you will know better than me, wouldn't the army provide some support if you were to go into labour while Dh is away, or am I being naïve?

First of all, don't worry. It doesn't matter what your DH is doing. Chat to neighbours.
Do any have children?
I made the best of plans...ha ha DD1 saw DD2 being born. I had a mum on standby for the morning and she pipped me to it!

If your first birth was without problems and this pregnancy is going along okay.
For your own well being how about a doula?

Army usually great but all they can do it promise they will get hubby back as soon as possible, which I'm sure they will. Isn't a doula for helping you give birth? Do they do toddlers? Pregnancy ok, but had some thyroid issues and waters went early last time. Not sure what that means for this pregnancy?

I used to be a live-in nanny in a small village. Everyone else who lived there was either a parent or elderly. I used to go to a toddler group every week and there was another mum there too who was pregnant. I only knew her to say hello to, but she asked if she could take my number to babysit her elder child incase she went into labour in the middle of the night when partner was away. I was the only person in the village who would have been able to dash off without making prior arrangements! I was happy to be her back up and wouldn't have charged her anything if I had been needed. Her daughter didn't know me overly well but would have recognised me from toddler group, and kids adjust very well in these kind of situations!
Maybe you could see if there are any nannies at your toddler groups that would do the same, I'm sure there would be.

Is there any family who could come and stay with you for a week or so before your DH is due home in case you go into labour, so you have someone to look after your DS?

My DH is away with the forces until I will be about 38 weeks, we don't have any other DC though, but I have still roped in my Mum to come and stay for a week or so when I get to 37 weeks so I have some company in case baby arrives early.

My dh was inthe military when we had our dc. I didn't know our next door neighbour well but had asked her to be on stand by for older dc should I need help in labour. She ended up being in the kitchen as I gave birth in living room, she was very moved to have been in the house with us and was quite upset when we moved.
I always found military communities pull together at times like these. Talk to other mums at toddler group, explain your predicament, I'm sure they will help look after their own and one of them will be able to help with your older dc when you go into labour.

I think you should just see how it goes, it may be that you'll be fine.

If not, as you aren't restricted to certain hours for needed help, you'll probably be able to get someone to help out at short notice.

A couple of sessions at a local nursery might be enough and if you carry on with the sessions after the baby arrives, you'll have a bit of time with the just the baby without your son feeling left out.