Au pair advice

[Exila]

Tonight our new au pair broke the news that, after less than a week, she has realised that being the life of an au pair isn't for her. Fair enough: it wouldn't have been for me either. But this not-so-startling revelation triggers a household emergency: what is the best way to find a replacement asap? Both our first (wonderful) au pair and our 2nd (unenthusaistic) au pairs were through agencies but I'm wondering: is there a better way? What are the key interview questions? How could I have seen through professed (but ultimately counterfeit) enthusiasm for kids in a telephone interview? Tips/stern advice/fruit of bitter experience v. gratefully received.

I think the crucial thing is to check references - try the following websites - nannyjob and gumtree.
Possible questions? -

• how long they worked in their last position?
• how would you occupy the children on a rainy day?
• what do you think are 2 (or 3) crucial skills needed to look after children?
• What is your point-by-point plan of action in an emergency? Don't ever hire anyone you only interview by phone - always try to arrange that a prospective employee spends at least 2 hrs with your children as part of the second interview!! - any faked enthusiasm should manifest itself in some way - Good luck

Well this is the thing with au pairs: many (most?) of them aren't in the UK to start with, so the telephone i/v is the only way. Clearly this is a high risk strategy, but it paid off dividends with au pair #1. I'll try the websites you suggest but would be keen to hear about other sight-unseen au pair experiences/techniques.

Sounds like you might just have to accept that your strategy will have a very high hit/miss ratio as, without a face-to-face interview, you will always be at some risk of the "this is not what i imagined" syndrome.
nannyjob and gumtree are both websites that come highly recommended for au pairs, - gumtree has lots of Aussie, New Zealand and South African girls - also others, so give it a bash.

Oh dear you poor thing what a faff! I put an ad on Gumtree ( less than £20) and it doesn't matter how long your add is so put in as much detail as possible to start to weed out the time wasters i also got a huge response from the photo I added. I then emailed prospective ap's further detailed info included a "day in the life of" document outlining exactly what you would expect and they emailed back if all was ok and what they would expect.
I spoke to my AP on the phone a couple of times and was lucky enough to meet her before we said yes.
Many of the responses were from people in the country already which would speed everything up for you.
I'm afraid my interview questions were not so scientific I went on the fact that she looked kind in her photos!!!!!!!
I tend to act on gut instinct and was able to wean out some applicnts very quickly just from there replies to my emails and phone call.
I did also join au Pair world and had a huge response from that but the better candidates came from Gumtree.
GOOD LUCK

I could also benefit from the fruits of experience, for those who regularly recruit AP.
I wasn?t so lucky to have a face to face interview and had to rely on a phone calls and references, basis English was our requirement, after all they are here to improve there language, and I was advised this would improve quickly, if AP genuinely needs to improve her English.

With telephone interviews I took into account that this may not be a true reflection of language ability, nerves, and lack of face to face contact, my current AP assured me this was the case. But I was lucky enough to have a neighbours AP that spoke in her language (on a friendly basis) to get some more info and sense of her personality ? so far she ticked all the boxes. References great and all added up, evidence of working with children ect all verified

The reality: She smokes (which is another thread, her English is totally non existent, and cannot understand really basic words. Lots of frustrating things have happened like my on line shopping was delivered and left in the sun for 6 hours, (also lack of common sense) I explained 3 times and wrote it down.

She seems very unpredictable; very enthusiastic one day, and lots of attitude to next (btw she 24 not a teenager). Despite her so called love of children, she shouts more than I find acceptable,( on an attitude day) and constantly texting on her mobile phone, and taking photos discretely without asking, that I guess is being sent to whoever, I have asked her not to do this, and save it in her own time.

In hind sight I would have opted for a better English speaker, and perhaps someone in the UK ?but not always possible, and would have a trial period from the onset. AP was put on a trial period from weekend, for some of the above reasons. IME the cracks don?t appear immediately but when AP began to settle in.

Sorry for ranting, but there are some fantastic AP?s out there, it?s just a risk!!

well if its any consallation (dodgy spelling!) my seemingly perfect AP is VERY homesick and missing her family loads so I may be back on the hunt if things don't get better. It doesn't help ds1 is being an absolute little s**t at the moment (new AP and just started school, short phase i hope!!!!!)
Oh well it all seems a gamble I am beginning to think that my LS DS1 could do with someone who shouts at him occasionally!

Hope she gets over home sickness, may be short live when she gets new friends.

BTW i used gumtree and had lots of responses, its cheap and quicker than the other sites i tried. Great Au pair and Au pair world took ages for repsonses to come in, I just found it overwhelming and prescriptive approach,

Lets hope so she was in tears when I took the boys out to the park (I thought she needed some space) It seems to have helped as she has been back to her chearful self since we returned and even ended up cuddling ds1 (aka the little sh*t!)while playing games before bath time so fingers crossed.
Exila hows the new hunt going?

when I au paired many years ago a girlfriend and I put an ad in The Lady - we had to go for a face to face interview and meet the children - I don't know if girls still advertise there - worth a try

Tonight at a parents' evening, dd's nursery teacher commented that our au pair seems like a frosty minx (I'm paraphrasing) so it is just as well that she's going. The agency has forwarded details of a very promising woman a little older, by the look of it a little warmer so we're having another spin of the telephone interview wheel. Nursery teacher had a v. interesting idea: get dd to speak to prospective au pair on the telephone. She thought that would reveal any warmth deficit/unease with children. If dd is up in time I think I'll give it a go...

In general I tend to agree with Syrup -- I go on gut instinct, and using this technique managed to land a terrific au pair on the (shallow?) basis that she made me laugh during her telephone interview, suggesting that she 1) had a sense of humour and 2) had good enough English to make jokes. But then this didn't save us from the unwilling au pair...

Anyway, mumsnetinas, pray for us.

It is with some trepidation that my husband and I have eventually come to the conclusion that we need an Au Pair. On the whole they would have an easy life, I have a cleaner, an ironer and a gardener so their duties would only be before and after school care of one 5-year old on the days I was working away 1-2 days a week. The rest of the time I work from home and then some babysitting. Before I rush straight into this have any of you got any advice of where to start? Horror stories, success stories anything that will help me

oh Exila, its such a shame I have just had the most wonderful French Au Pair for six weeks. I rather missed her when she went.

It was all awkward the first few days but quite honestly it would be nice if she could give you any ideas of what went wrong.

She obviously knew what was involved as a ap so could it be a personality clash.

Mine stayed my full term even though my ds gave her merry hell. If I were her i would of hated him but she was so patient.

It could be a personality clash, but I don't think so: I think that she fell madly in love with London when she visited a few months ago, and though that being an au pair would be a cheap and easy way to live here. The reality of having to wipe counters and noses (DD's, not ours) was further from the glitter-and-lipgloss vision of London than she had dreamed of. Perhaps it is my fault for not playing 'nasty cop' during the telephone interview: quite possibly I should have been dissuasive, making the job sound bigger than it really is, rather than encouraging. When I interviewed a potential replacement today, I exaggerated the role slightly: better to have someone who is pleased that she is doing less than expected to have someone who is reluctant to do anything. Anyway, the departing au pair is very apologetic, and there isn't a bad atmosphere in the house: I think she just isn't much of a grafter, or at least not a domestic grafter. (Not that this is a very demanding job -- she's not having to plaster the living room ceiling or anything.) In any case, I think we've managed to recruit a woman who is a little older, and a little wiser than this girl. Fingers crossed. Agides: before this awkward situation arose with our feckless au pair, I would have said without hesitation that au pairs are the solution to all of life's challenges. Our 1st au pair made life possible last year, and we really enjoyed having her around: she was sparky, funny, and helpful. Good luck in your quest...

Tenalady - thank you for your kind words, your comments about playing the job up rather than down I think will be really helpful. I'm a bit more relaxed than my husband that thinks everyone is out to hurt our son (he's a bit extreme about everything!) Any views on male or female. My friend's husband ran off with their AP so I think the idea of a male one is quite appealling - We do sound like the neurotic family!

sorry put Tenalady instead of Exila!!

syrup. where are you based? if your AP is lonely maybe she needs someone else to talk to about your DS and how to cope (sometimes awkward to talk to the parent, you dont want to look like you cant cope!) also just nice to get away from the family, i love the family i live with, but also love my me time!!! i wouldnt mind befriending her if your near.

Sarz thanks that sounds great we are in west sussex ( Horsham) Typically DS1 is starting to get his head around life (big school, au pair etc) and is starting to behave a bit better they ds1 and ap are currently playing on the computer.