What to give to my childminder who has given notice on us due to my child's behaviour but has been very good over the years?

[meadowquark]

Hi. My child has been with this childminder since 1.5 years on and off. He is now 6yo. She has given us notice 2 months ago due to his poor behaviour. Completely understandable, DS has difficulties, potentially ADHD or Asperger's. I am grateful that she has managed for so long and given us plenty of notice.

Tomorrow is our last day. At the moment he only goes there for morning school run. I am thinking flowers and wine. Perhaps I should not bother due to the notice, but somehow don't want to be our last day empty-handed.

flowers

Maybe a modest bunch of flowers and a thank you card. That would suffice.

Ok flowers and a card then (I find Thank You cards a waste of money, but if it is a custom...)

Or just a nice card with a thank you written inside by you...it doesn't have to be a specific 'thank you card'.

I think a card (not necessarily a 'thankyou' one) would be nice, maybe write something quite personal inside, get your son to tell you/write what he has enjoyed about his time with her. Team with a bunch of flowers and I think you're good to go.

How about a book ' how to deal with difficult children for childminders'?

It's the 'thank you' that's important not the price of the card. You don't need to go to Clintons, get DS to make one or write a letter, just something to show your appreciation.

A really heartfelt card would be lovely, if you can muster more than a couple of sentences - a perfunctory note would be worse than nothing!

I imagine it can be really difficult to cope with a child with specific difficulties, especially if you have other children to consider too, and your minder has given you plenty of notice. I don't understand "Perhaps I should not bother due to the notice" - do you mean that because she, rather than you, terminated the working relationship you don't have to show your appreciation for her past efforts? I hope not.

I think a book for childminders about how to deal with difficult children could be seen as pointed or impersonal. I'm sure a good child-minder would be able to gather her own library of reference. It would be like me giving my cleaner if I had one a nice mop to say thank you!

A card she can keep, and maybe some nice chocolate/wine seems appropriate. That's what I've always given nursery nurses.

Wellies loved your comparison with the cleaner and a mop!

I have mostly given her chocolates on occassions, but think that nice flowers are a bit more heart-felt this time. A bit like a mourning flowers I'd say :) (we had to go with au-pair route after this "incident" which is a bit incovenient as we do not have enough bedrooms in the house so will have to sleep in our living room but finding another childminder that I felt could handle my DS was close to impossible).

If you can't find a childminder who can deal with him, what makes you think an au pair would be able to?! Surely they're less experienced and less qualified than a childminder.

Outraged with a childminder is a normally in her house with lots of children - lots of possibility to clash. My DS is not good at interacting. I found a male au pair, graduated in primary education and wrote his graduation work in ADHD. Plus home enviroment - much calmer.

Obviously it may not work, then I am stuck!

Sounds perfect! Hopefully her giving you notice will end up being a blessing in disguise.

Sorry OP finding your poor me tone irritating.
It is very difficult having a child with special needs. But he is your responsibility. The childminder has a professional working relationship with you. She doesn't have to look after a child with special needs.
She sounds like she has given good care,I guess more notice than in your contact and yet you sound annoyed. She is running a business.
Yes the polite grown up thing to do would be a thank you card. Flowers if you can afford. As others have said it is the thought that counts, home made card fine.
Re au pair I had a male au pair for my own son and daughter at similar age he was great.

Florence you must have misunderstand my post and my tone. I was asking purely what is expected as good manners. Anyway I have given her flowers and thank you card.

florence you appear to be reading a different thread

Biscuits ... I always love biscuits :)

Very happy with a note/card/reference though.

The new au pair sounds fab.

Also surprised at how completely Florence has misunderstood your posts, OP!

Hope all works out well with your AP - he sounds like a great find, perfect for your DS.

Congratulations on the new au pair! He sounds perfect!