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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Upset over nothing possibly

16 replies

Mollite · 17/07/2014 09:03

Today I overheard DB say to MB that he didn't like me. I understand that not everyone likes everyone else but to actually say that I feel suggests an active dislike (he wasn't asked) as opposed to having not warmed to.

I feel quite upset about it but not sure why and if I should say anything as it might be he doesn't like something I'm doing and not personal (if personal nothing I can do anyway)

I guess I can't imagine having and keeping a nanny I would say that about and think it is a big problem

Might also be why the older child hasn't warmed to me in an earlier thread

Am I being silly as it is a professional relationship? Any nannies who don't like their bosses or bosses who don't like their nanny and working relationship ok?

I'm not sure it will be though but this just happened and just looking for advice

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Marylou62 · 17/07/2014 09:11

Oh how horrible for you. No advice really but I know I would feel the same as you. I don't know if I would say something as I have a real phobia about any confrontation. Do you live in? How much do you see him? Do you have to interact with him? Do you get on well with MB and feel you could talk to her? I must say although not having seen your previous post, that he must be giving off vibes to child. I would be Oh so sunny and pleasant to make him change his mind.

Original poster

Mollite · 17/07/2014 09:23

I don't live in and see him and MB equally and sometimes I would have to talk to him beyond hello and goodbye - in fact I usually do talk to him. i feel I just want to look for something else atm but then maybe it is something specific I'm doing that he is not happy with.

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Marylou62 · 17/07/2014 09:44

Life is too short to feel like this. Are there other jobs in your area? Do you now get on with the DCs? As your boss, if you are doing something that they/he are unhappy with, they should sit you down and tell/discuss with you. Can you talk to MB?

Original poster

Mollite · 17/07/2014 14:09

I can try and talk to MB but think she will probably think I'm being silly and wouldn't know what to say

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busyDays · 17/07/2014 14:27

I think it depends how much you have to be around him. I'm a childminder so a bit different but I have definitely had some parents who I didn't like. Just a personality clash rather than anything specific that they did. I only see them for 5 mins at the the start and end of every day so I just act friendly and don't let on. As long as I like the children and keep things professional with the parents it works out fine, but perhaps it is different if you are actually working in his house.

Marylou62 · 17/07/2014 18:29

You can tell her that you heard HER DH say he didn't like you....that is not being silly....it was his fault and he should never have said it if there was any risk that you would hear. Please approach MB....tell her that you don't know how to handle this and I hope it will all be sorted and that it was a mistake...he should apologise. It might work out for the best...you will all laugh in the future...or you will have to leave...a horrible situation....please come back and let us know how you are.

Seb101 · 17/07/2014 18:56

Completely agree with marylou.
I'd be open, honest and frank about this. After a chat decide what to do from there. Good luck. This isn't a nice situation, I'd be very upset too.

Original poster

Mollite · 17/07/2014 21:59

I know I have to DB came home tonight and will be there in the morning and then I'm babysitting so might have to wait until they come back which is not ideal but don't want to be worried about it over the weekend.

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mimishimmi · 18/07/2014 00:14

Some people never like or trust their staff though. It makes them either feel superior or that there is a good distance between them and their employees. Listen to see whether he complains in a similar manner about work colleagues or, especially, those less senior at work. I'd only leave if they were going out of their way to make you uncomfortable.

Happy36 · 18/07/2014 00:21

Tell them / her you heard it and were upset. See what they / she have to say.

Don't worry. He may have just had a bad day (not that it justifies his behaviour!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/07/2014 13:51

maybe you misheard and he said mollite does xx and dont like her doing it

either way this needs to be addressed and i would ask for a chat with both of them and say what you heard

TheIronGnome · 19/07/2014 14:16

Oh poor you! I agree with the others, keep it professional but do bring it up. He needs to be called up on it, he should not have been saying anything like that if you could have heard.

Nannying is such a personal job, you do need to have a good relationship with the family, but that goes both ways- he's ruined that by saying that in earshot.

Remember, this is not your fault!

Original poster

Mollite · 21/07/2014 10:12

Thank you all. I haven't done it yet as it was late on Friday and I'm worried about bringing it up.

I'm also thinking of leaving anyway as need to work more hours (I was just going to babysit more) so part of me thinks I should just leave

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sweetboysmum · 21/07/2014 23:44

Sorry that you heard him say that about you - how awful. I think you are right to leave though. Life is too short. TBH I would not feel comfortable telling them I'd heard (although I'd likely leave them a note to let them know I heard). I don't advise that though. Sorry, my post is probably not helpful to you in the least.

Tallulaxx · 22/07/2014 10:16

J would totally understand if you left. I found out my employer was bitching about myself and my child. Luckily I was leaving and working my notice but having to keep my mouth shut to get a reference was the hardest thing ever. I feel very sorry for their children who are deeply unhappy :( life is to short and I'm glad to be out that toxic situation.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/07/2014 12:27

I think that there are different degrees of "like" and just because he doesn't like you, doesn't necessarily mean that he dislikes you.

Maybe his wife has a history of being jealous of the nanny, and he was trying to reassure her - are you hot?

Some people are total clean freaks and having someone around 12 hours a day who leave crumbs on the counters will send them into outerspace.

My DH didn't like our last nanny very much. She was with us for 3.5 yrs. He thought she was an excellent nanny though, he just found her a bit high maintenance for his taste. To be fair every little thing like having some decorating done was a huge drama that had to be managed carefully, and she could be terribly dogmatic about the children and their routines. He's so chilled he's mostly semi frozen. Mostly though, they were just two different people who would never be good friends in every day life. On a day to day basis they never had an issue though.

Most of us have work colleagues who we can work very well with but who have habits or personalities which are not terribly endearing. With a nanny though the relationship is much trickier and you are horribly aware that clashes might impact your children very badly.

Personally, I'd call him on it. "I overheard you the other day saying that you don't like me very much and it is really bothering me. Is there a specific reason and do you have concerns about my capabilities?"
It was rude and indiscreet and for that reason I would raise it. Go directly to him and don't put the mum in the middle.

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