aupairs and motivation going downhill

[CookieDoughKid]

I've had 5 aupairs now so I feel quite experienced to be able to say that in general towards the last month of their duration at my stay, seem to perform fairly poorly. Examples including not reading our calendar notifications and therefore things like packing gym bags for school etc are not done, doing next to zero housework (even though I set the absolute minimum - because I have a cleaner -). I mean, if the bin is FULL guys, can't you just take it out? Why do I have to tell you to? and just generally, taking the piss in my point of view. Can't you act like a member of the household and just chip in? Yes, by all means, eat the salad I made. I will never say no and you can eat all the food in my fridge but just for once, can't you OFFER to make food for the rest of us? Just ONCE?

My current aupair, I've let her go earlier than planned because if felt like I was micromanaging her and it's exhausting.

I don't know if it's just me. But aupairs always start good but towards the end, I wish they just go home. I use tasks lists, review regularly on email and in person weekly ahead, automate calendar notifications, I am very organised but to the point, it really exhausts me.

Is it not apparent to aupairs to sweep the floor under the dining table where the kids have eaten their dinner? Like, it takes 5 secs. Just because you clock off at 7pm doesn't mean you can't go the extra mile and just clear up the dining table. Like when I go and do the food shopping and take into your food tastes, doing the food shopping is not done in any 'parental' hours. We all just chip in and help each other.

Why can't I hire an aupair that can show more initiative and to you if you are an aupair, what can I do to help you keep motivated and actually want to be a part of a household rather than a B&B or hotel?

Maybe it's an age thing.

Which countries do your au pairs come from? Do they have previous experience?

Also I notice that some of your comments are about household chores. Some au pairs are very strict about chores and some will only do childcare rather than anything they believe is part of housekeeping, particularly if it is clearing/cleaning up after any adults in the household.

Gosh I have had four APs three French and one Spanish and have never encountered this. If anything they have been more involved in their last month as they all want to enjoy time with DD and I.
There is always a lot of tears on both sides when they go and I am still in contact with them.

I've au paired three times and have never felt like this. If anything, like pp has said, I've given more in my last month or so knowing that I'll be leaving soon.

Do you make your expectations clear from the start about household chores etc? Are these things you expect to be done as part of the arrangement or just as being part of the family?

I think if an AP doesn't know what expected of them in terms of chores etc then it's unfair to complain when things aren't done. They may have different views/experiences about who should do things. If it's important to you then that's fine, but make it clear from the outset.

Thanks for the replies and yes, this is more of a rant here but better here than elsewhere I figure! I make it clear what household chores need to be done but because we have a cleaner, it seems to be almost a given that NO tidying or household gets done.

It got at one point, I was completely micromanaging one aupair (right down to telling her that she ought to be picking up the children's books off the floor as that to me constitutes a complete tidying up of the children's bedrooms - not just a cursary shuffle and shake of their duvet). Like are you blind or something?

It's more of a can-do attitude that I find completely lacking in the girls and also lack of maturity.

And how hard can it be to READ an automated calendar notification that tells you when to pack the children's swim kit.

You know - rather than leave your cereal bowl in the sink to clear up, can't you put it in the dishwasher? And if the dishwasher is full - can't you empty it? Why do I need to tell you to do it? You used to do it at the start but not anymore.

Their nationalities are broad so no commonality.

It's just selfishness, complete absorption in themselves and a lack of awareness of what's going on round them in our home.

I think you're right, it's mismatched expectations but one can't list out everything in a to-do list on paper or in an online document. And if I do point it out, I am so direct it makes me look like the bad guy. TBH - I have not the time and just want them to get on with it.

I think next time, I will take on a much older aupair as the ones I have had (21 and under have been too teen like for me).

OK RANT OVER!! Thanks for lasting!

I think you have hit the nail on the head. Look for an older au pair or nanny and I think you will find they have more common sense.

It's a little bit expected with anyone working out their notice or coming to the end of the job, that people will be disengaging with the job and the family.

However, totally giving up caring and doing their job is rubbish. I'd be doing tick lists and being nice but firm about minimum requirements. More mature sounds like the way to go too.

I think the age is a big factor. My one got a bit slot after a visit home, but then pulled up her socks after things got really bad. It's her last few weeks and I'm having to ask her to take it easy.

And advice if you are an Aupair, please Please clean the bathroom and your bedroom before you leave and go home. Don't think you can get away with not cleaning it because it does sour your friendship with your house family and it's actually very disrespectful.

All my aupairs bar one have done that. I had put hours in and great pride in providing Aupair a nice welcome and clean bathroom. It just really gives me a bad after taste after they leave.

And advice if you are an Aupair, please Please clean the bathroom and your bedroom before you leave and go home. Don't think you can get away with not cleaning it because it does sour your friendship with your house family and it's actually very disrespectful.

All my aupairs bar one have done that. I had put hours in and great pride in providing Aupair a nice welcome and clean bathroom. It just really gives me a bad after taste after they leave.

I don't know whether it is age my very best au pair turned 19 whilst she was here.