CM Club: Advice needed about mindee who attends sleep clinic (routine problem)..........

[looneytune]

Hello

Not been around as much lately due to moving house etc. but I need some advice:

Got a mindee who's just turned 1. Had him since he was 5 months old and he's always had trouble sleeping through the night and has set routines given from person at the sleep clinic they attend.

Just had 2 weeks off and when mum dropped mindee off for first day back last Monday, she casually mentioned that his routine had changed and he has to have 2 hours sleep in the morning at around 10.30-12 followed by an hour in the afternoon. I reminded her that this is not possible with me as I have to leave for the nursery pickup at 11.10am every day. We get on really well and she seemed ok but a little disappointed by it. She forgot to mention my routine to the sleep therapist.

I suggested that I try and put him down as soon as she drops him off (now 9.30am) and he gets as near to 1? hrs before I go leave for nursery and then do an hour/1? hrs in the afternoon (as he's supposed to have 3 hours a day). Tried that on Monday and Friday last week and it sort of worked ok but not quite the 3 hrs. Today I spent until 10.40am trying to get him to nap and then just gave up and brought him down as he wasn't tired enough and I think because he'd only just arrived and not had chance to play yet, he didn't want to sleep! Spoke to mum this afternoon who then mentioned he'd woken up later today to which I said that's probably why he didn't sleep at that time then.

Once he was downstairs, he had a short play and then we had to leave for nursery. Once back it was straight into highchair for preparing/eating lunch then off straight away for a nap. He woke up about 4.30 and I was preparing dinner. He was soon put in highchair again and is now eating and will probably stay in highchair until pick up at 6pm.

My concern is that most of the times he is awake he seems to be in a car seat, pram or highchair (as I put him in when preparing food for safety as he's into everything then he takes about an hour or so to eat the meals as just started finger food).

I want to make a suggestion to his mum and say that I'm worried about the lack of activity whilst he's here with that routine.

What are your thoughts? My thoughts are he may not want to sleep in the morning so it may be best to save most of it for after lunch? and then we can go to toddler group in the morning like I was doing.

What do you think?

Sorry it's so long!

That sounds like a tough one.
I too would struggle as I have to collect from nursery at 11.30 and leave for school at 3.00.

I must admit all the children I have looked after may have had a morning nap but only as and when they need it while we are out and about - or in the cot - but only 45 mins usually, then they have had a longer one after lunch. It fists in so much better with my routine, and then as tey got older 1ish I guess- they gradually dropped the morning nap.

This way I was always able to do activities in the mornings and they would be tired and ready for a post lunch nap which was approx half way through their day too. Seemed to just make more sense for us.
Have you ever been asked to attend the sleep clinic? or is it not practical?

I think that the mum needs to tell the sleep clinic that his routine with you may well not fit in with their suggestions.

I have minded children that decide themselves to have a different routine to the one they have at home, usually because there are other children around and it's much more fun to play!! So long as it doesn't affect their bedtime routine, parents are fine about it.

It's tough though as the mum really wanted the 2 hours in the morning but I can't do the impossible. I don't think she mentioned my routine at all and also, I didn't know the latest meeting was taking place so no, wasn't there.

TP - problem is that the mum says he will not sleep through the night without the 3 hours sleep as this is what she's been told. She's been told that he's over-tired which is why he wakes in the night.

My own ds stopped all naps at around 18 months and never slept 3 hours during the day at this age and that's with him crawling at 6 months old. I've just no experience with this and it's proving very difficult.

Had chat on the phone with mum this evening (as dad collected) and she said not to worry about no activities, just as long as he's getting as near to the 3 hour sleep as possible, she's happy.

I'm just worried that this won't help him develop his walking etc, which is one thing she was worried about.

Oh well, I'll see how Friday goes!

Thanks

it is difficult but i would just do as the mum wants for now well as near as you reasonably can.

ask her if when she does go back to the clinic she can tell them about your routine and finds a solution that fits in better. she's probably so tired she's agreeing to anything and is desperate for this to be the answer?

i think she has to try and get him up at 6.30/ 7am so that he is tired by 9.30am.

I agree that you have to try and accommodate the wishes of his mum, but has she actually told the sleep clinic that her son has a childminder? The sleep clinic need to know his usual routine - both at home and with you. (I used to mind a child who attended a sleep clinic, albeit some time ago, and they needed to know what he did on a day-to-day basis).

will he not sleep in the pram on the way to nursery?
what i do if a child is sleepy and i'm due to go out within the hour i put the child in the pram to sleep and wheel them out to go my errand

LMG's - You're probably right about being desperate for this to be the answer, I really wish I could follow that exact routine but it's not possible with the school runs so I'll just try my best. I'm fairly sure that we'll be going back to me having him just on Friday's soon as the extra Monday's was only temporary to give her an extra break (doesn't work), so I suppose she won't mind the routine being slightly different just one day a week. BTW, he gets up before 6.30am usually, it's just that he doesn't want to go straight to sleep the second he's seen me (gets all bouncy and wants to play)

TP - I don't think she's mentioned at all about having a childminder but I'll check with her on Friday! She just arrives after each appointment, telling me what I need to do now and I've had to remind her each time of my own routine which in the holiday's includes toddler group as I can't keep the others in all day. I will ask her when she's next going back and ask her to talk about the fact she has a childminder and I have a routine and see what they say.

The problem is I did agree to her routine (which was very different) what he started in February but it was then just one day a week, shorter hours and a 6 month contract plus the other 2 weren't attending nursery sessions then. Now it's not just a 6 month contract and I do more hours/an extra day at the mo, I've tried to explain how I can't stick to the routine as it is and all I can do is my best but then I end up feeling guilty because she worries he'll not sleep through

dmo - I have to drive to nursery (it's 10/15 min drive) so the pram isn't an option. He may dose off in the car for 5 mins like he did on Friday after I transferred him into the car but then he wakes up when put in the pram near nursery and it's not a long enough walk for him to go back to sleep. Also, he finds it very hard to sleep when it's not in a cot as the routine at least since I've had him (5 months old) has been to put him down in a totally dark room and do Controlled Crying. It was a nightmare in the summer hols when I took all the kids out and he was screaming because tired but couldn't sleep in the pram

Sounds tough LT I guess you can just do your best to get him to have the 3 hours sleep during the day somehow. I would also definately write your routine down - the nursery collection you can't change - and any other things that can't be moved so that she has it to show the sleep clinic next time she visits andthey can make suggestions that take this into account.

Also I remember the no seleep in the buggy bit DS was like this - he was far too nosey at was going on and frm the age of about 1 he had to be exhausted before he would sleep in the buggy - ie several hours after his mormal nap.
Sending you lots of sympathy but no real advice on that one I'm afraid .

my two kids at that age slept half hour in the morning and 2hrs in the afternoon, i think its a bit unrealistic to expect a child of that age to sleep 2hrs in the morning then another in the afternoon, when most kids that age have a nap in the morning and a longer sleep in the afternoon!

Yep, that's all I can do, try my best! I know he won't sleep in the pram as in the summer hols I found it unfair to keep the others in so we'd go out to country park or whatever and he'd be crying loud for ages as so tired but found it terribly hard to sleep. It's like he didn't know how to fall asleep in a pram, bless him. Bit annoying when the other kids are being good but ignored because I had my hands full.

I will write my routine out once again (done loads of times) and specifically tell her to show it to the sleep therapist when she next goes (or get her to call them)

Thanks for your support. At least I don't feel a total cow for not being able to do exactly what they want.