What is it really like having an au pair?

[boxofshells]

Can anyone tell me what it's really like having an au pair? We really need the help but I am worried about losing family privacy, not being able to argue etc. The kids eat early and dinner is the one time dh and I get to catch up. I can't imagine us sharing work issues or discussing childcare etc if someone else was there. Also I love evenings when dh is out to chill out or catch up on work etc - would I have to sit and chat to them or watch tv with them? Also what about food - do you give them free reign on the fridge? Could you reserve a do not touch shelf - and then how mean to put the nice food there instead of for general use. Just wondered how this kind of thing works in reality. Thanks

Well you basically treat them like one of the family, you can't really expect them to eat by themselves if they don't want to. You can't expect them to sit in their rooms all night by themselves. How isolating that must be.

It's alright to have a some stuff do not touch, but it'd be really tight to have an entire self for you and your family.

It sound more like you want just a professional employee that serves you instead of sharing your home and family life with.

My neighbour has an au pair she is fab....fits in great with family life....she has her own floor of house bathroom etc and is out quite a bit on Eves and weekends.

I've had some great au pairs, but also some who just didn't work out for our family.
We had a room with an en suite bathroom for ours and they were allowed to help themselves to any food in the house as long as they let me know when we were getting low on things. I was surprised by how much they ate, though and it was noticeable on the food bill, because our family size went up by one adult. We all ate together as a family and in the evenings we rarely saw them, they were either out with other local au pairs, or on skype to their family.

I'd do internet grocery shopping so that they could have things in that they liked. Some of them liked to cook, so of course I got the appropriate ingredients in for that. We tried to make them feel part of the family, as of course they are usually fairly young and away from home for the first time, so I tried to treat them the way that I would like my children to be treated in the same situation IYSWIM.

My first au pair was a summer placement - about 3 months I think. If you're not sure how having someone living in would be, it might be worth seeing if there are any Summer au pairs still looking, because that way you can see if it works for you, without committing to a long period of time.

we have had 4 au pairs over a 12 month period. not the plan, but the first 3 just didn't workout. the 4th was great.

but we did find it incredibly intrusive on our family life, perhaps iam just not the tolerant type but I found it really really tough and will explore any opportunity for childcare other thank having an au pair again.

An au pair can be great, but you have to have the right personality/family for it.

If you are uncomfortable with someone in the house, don't want to share food and enjoy alone time then it probably isn't for you.

Thank you. Going to give it lots of thought. I think I really want a nanny for three hours a day instead. Hmmmm. Wonder if that's possible.

I have had aupairs towards the end of their tenancy show a noticeable drop in motivation which reflects their ability to do childcaring tasks (well). Aupairs need more management which can be quite tiring (or else - set your expectations low). There is a huge performance difference compared to a registered childminder vs aupair which of course, is reflected in pay and qualifications.

Personally, I think aupairs can be great if you find a good one and be a fantastic experience all round but it's a combination of good luck, personalities and attitudes. I no longer want aupairs for more than 6months and prefer a higher renewal rate due to the performance drop seen!

Until last month we had a nanny/housekeeper for 6 hours a day on weekdays. She didn´t live in but was brilliant.

Now my second child will be starting full time school in September we have a new nanny/housekeeper who will work fewer hours. She doesn´t live in either and seems to be working out well with the children and around the house so far.

Both are in their mid/late forties and have older children of their own. They came highly recommended by friends of ours and with excellent references. In both cases we had a bedding in period for them to get to know the children and our household timetable. We have been very clear about what we want to be done and also anything we don´t want. I would say on the scale of easygoing to uptight we are in the middle.

We have chats regularly about whether there are any problems however both ladies are Filipina and their culture seems to be one where they would do whatever we asked and never complain. As we and the children had such a great relationship with the previous one (and so far with the new one) and wanted her to be happy we kept an eye out for any small signs that something could be upsetting her or making life difficult (e.g. household appliance being faulty, children showing a bad attitude, an awkward timetable clash between the 2 kids´ routines, etc.)

Overall we have been lucky in that both ladies show a genuine interest in and care for our children and our children have responded well to that building a relationship with an adult who isn´t a parent but who they respect and from whom they learn and who they can turn to with questions, concerns, good news, etc.

Shop around and you should get a "feeling" when the right person comes along. I know it can be frustrating when you really just want to get childcare sorted out quickly. Good luck!