AP overnight when I am away??

[citymum3]

This is a bit AIBU, but, planning out summer holidays and mentioned maybe I could stay at my mums and leave the children with her for a day to break the holidays up a bit and have a change of scene. I can commute to work from my mum's house.
Mum says ' oh but you cannot leave AP at home with DH overnight, these young girls they only have to say one thing and his reputation will be ruined, it isn't worth the risk, she will be believed...'
I said I thought this all highly unlikely, said I did not want to discuss it with her, and she got a bit funny with me.
I fear that too much Daily Mail has poisoned her mind and she has a horrible cynical view of the world. I do not want to live my life pandering to other people's perceived risks and general unpleasant view of the world. But am I hopelessly naive? Is there AP etiquette about the mother always being there and the father not being left alone with the AP?? 2nd AP, situation has never arisen before, but I have a couple of things lined up and this conversation with my mum has left me totally .
Thank you for any thoughts. In case not clear I have no concerns whatsoever about DH-or AP.

years ago, when we had APs, I was in a job that involved a lot of overnight travelling. It would have been ridiculous if I had had to give up my job just to "protect" DH from the AP. Do you trust your DH?

I when I lived as a mothers help I was left home with child and the DH (2 different families ) both times they came on to me .

Nothing happen because I liked my boss mum too much . I was a young very thick glasses wearing spotty naive girl. I did not ask for it in any way.
And they still tried it on never did when wife was around at all.

longjane, that is appalling! Nothing excuses that predatory behaviour.

Thinking of the times I travelled on business and left dh at home with the aupair and dcs. None of the aupairs accused dh of coming onto them and we generally have attractive aupairs. I don't see this as an issue.

If I thought my dh was perving them in any way, I would kick him to the kerb. I would not want the safety of the aupairs compromised in any way. That is dangerous for them and most unfair as they are vulnerable.

One aupair told me she got interest from a single dad who lived in a remote location and wasn't sure he was looking for a wife or an aupair. I am sure it happens but god forbid if I colluded in dh. The father of one of my dd's friends at school came on to my aupair - she told me.

I don't think you should worry too much. Maybe try talking to au pair and express your concerns. Not all au pair are like that.

Wouldn't talking to your aupair about how she feels about your dh and her being alone in the house possibly creep her out even more?

As far as I am concerned, it is a non-issue. Never even occurs to me and I act accordingly. She can get a padlock to her room if she is worried. As for an aupair making false accusations, what on earth would be her motivation? Blackmail?

This is crazy.

As a live-in nanny, I have been come on to by two dads in the past. I left both jobs shortly after.
Even so, I never feel uncomfortable being alone in the house with a child's dad despite being previously put in awkward situations. It is sometimes more awkward in the evenings, just because men don't chit chat in the same way women do so ill head up to my room anyway in that situation. Not because I'm worried they will pounce on me though...!
I have never felt the desire to lie about a dad trying it on. Even when they have, I've not mentioned and just moved on. Why would I want to get in between my employers' relationship?!
I don't think you need to worry.

My friend's au pair had an affair with her husband. She wasn't suspecting it until she checked au pair's phone when the AP forgot to take it and it was constantly beepping with saucy texts coming from her OH. She had never left them alone for the night btw.
IMO if you have no reason to believe this might happen or she may be malicious to make things up then do it. You need time off from time to time too.

I've worked as a live-in nanny and been left at home with Dad/Mum/Grandma?Grandpa before (although never without the children) and there has never been even a hint of inappropriate behaviour.

I would ask the au pair if she is ok with it because there are certain religions/cultures where a young girl being left overnight with an unrelated male can be a problem. Although you probably know your au pair well enough to know whether that would be an issue or not?!

Your mum has definetly been reading a bit too much Daily Fail.

Gosh, it wouldn't even occur to me - and we're about to have a blonde Swedish female au pair join us so probably hit every one of your mum's stereotypes!

As long as your AP is fine, I wouldn't worry.

if you trust your dh then you have nothing to worry about

In my first au pair job at 18 the mum left for a week a month to manage a property she had overseas. Dad and I had a polite but slightly awkward relationship without a hint of inappropriate behaviour.

Later, I was a live-in nanny, and mum was away for overnights about one night a week. Dad was great fun and we'd often watch movies with a glass of wine after the kids had gone to bed. This sometimes happened on a Friday night when mum was there too! Nothing inappropriate at all.

If you trust your husband then I don't think you have anything to worry about :)

Maybe your mother doesn't fancy looking after the kids and is looking for an excuse not to.

Why would you go an stay with your mum and not bring your kids ?

Peace and quiet?
For a break?
Because you/your mum don't like your kids?
Your kids don't like their Grandma?
Your kids are under house arrest?
Your mum lives on a leaky houseboat and your DC can't swim?

Loads of reasons, but I'm not sure why it's relevant to this thread, the OP is taking her DC.

Thank you all - had a giggle about the thought of my mum on a leaky houseboat! Yes I was thinking of taking the children to my mum's, as she then gets to see children ( they do get on!) and AP gets a break and DC get a change of scene. No concerns re DH at all- new AP likes a hug at bed time bless her and he manages to either be in the loo or garden every night so as to avoid the hug! She is not a malicious type, quite pious in fact. I am a bit worried about the Daily Mail effect on my parents but that is a whole other thread. Thank you for your reassurances, I have not posted on MN for long time but lurk. Not mentioned any of this to DH as likely to rile him!!'

Sorry, I misunderstood, I thought you were going on holiday from the kids, at your mums, leaving husband and au pair to care for the kids together.

Haha. OP when I read your title I was so ready to be outraged; I was an au pair many years ago and after three days of "settling in" BOTH parents left the country for a week, leaving me in charge of three children I barely knew 24/7 with no additional help from neighbors, family, or friends. I was sure your post was going to be something similar.

Your mom is being overly paranoid and there is no problem with two unrelated adults staying in the same house :) Enjoy your holiday!

Aupair that needs a hug before bedtime? Never come across that one ...

We have male APs and my DH works away quite often ( as do I although less frequently). I can promise all that nothing inappropriate has ever happened. Having said that AP brought kids into work recently, and someone said to DS 2 aged 7, "You must look like your daddy." DS1 is the spit of me. So DS 2 says, "No. I look like the AP." cue much hilarity all round. Btw he dies look exactly like his dad.

Does.