nanny problem

[quandrella]

In a difficult situation. In May I hired a nanny to help us after school...I have 3 dds, aged 8, 5 and 2.

I'm aware that it's very difficult to find a nanny who is looking for this kind of work (obviously full time jobs are usually the most desirable), so I was fully prepared to pay a bit over the odds to find someone whose hours this would suit, and interested candidates wouldn't be the nannies with decades worth of experience. Even with this awareness, finding anyone proved almost impossible - advertised and got nowhere, joined a few agencies and saw a couple of very poor candidates etc!

One of the agencies eventually put a lovely Spanish woman forward. She came across very well at interview, and was very sweet with the children when she came to meet them for a second interview. I was aware that her english wasn't great, but this didn't worry me too much as kids are older. The experience on her CV also wasn't extensive - a few months in this country looking after slightly older kids and some babysitting. But (so the CV says), a background of lots of babysitting when she was in Spain, plus she's from a big family (so lots of young nephews and nieces in her life, I thought).

So we offered her the job and she's been with us for nearly two months now. I've been trying to give her a chance, let her settle in with the kids - but it's becoming clear to me that she is VERY inexperienced, and her lack of good english is a big problem. She can't understand what the children are saying most of the time. She doesn't really have any initiative in how to engage with them. If the youngest is crying about something, she comes running to get me right away. If the older two are squabbling, ditto.

I work freelance, and sometimes have to be on calls to NYC in the late afternoon - so far I haven't been able to do this without interruption.

It's tricky because she is lovely and I like her very much on a personal level, but this doesn't seem to be working. What I'm particularly cross about is that, in my view, the nanny agency shouldn't have 'sold' her to us as a nanny! A mother's help, fine - but you can't just call yourself a nanny, right? We are paying her £12 an hour which is the going outer- London rate for someone qualified and experienced. If I was paying for a mother's help, I wouldn't be complaining...

Any ideas what I should do about this? This type of help is SO hard to find so I'm not about to sack her, but I don't really want to be paying for a nanny who isn't actually a nanny, if you see what I mean!

Yes, you can call yourself a nanny if you are doing a nanny job.

Did her CV lie about her experience or was it clearly babysitting? What were her references like?

No, no - she didn't lie about her experience in the UK. She only been here since the beginning of the year and worked for a few months after school for a family with two young teenagers (they stopped using her because parents sadly going through divorce), and babysat for another family who have twins aged ten. References said she was great - but these are older kids, so a different ballgame.

She isn't doing a nanny's job in my view - that's the point. I couldn't leave her on her own with the kids for any great length of time, and she'd certainly struggle to do more than one thing at once (cook tea while also supervising, for example). What she is doing is being an extra pair of hands - i.e. helping with bathtime, playing with the kids while I cook. But even then it's not very smooth - she seems unable to engage them on her own, sweet as she is, and they constantly run to me about stuff, despite my reminding them that she is also in charge. It almost feels more stressful when she's here, which is not what I need at all!

ps - I realise that I could have thought 'she doesn't have enough experience and this could be difficult', but I was desperate to find help. I had a DH having hospital tests and a massive deadline and we saw some candidates who really weren't great.

I think it's quite irresponsible of the agency to push someone for a nanny role (even if it is part time) when they're not qualified to do the job. I don't know if it's possible to go back and renegotiate terms?

I would ring the agency and enquiry- would you be willing to continue her employment as a mothers help for less money?

Also (speaking as an ex nanny) have you made it VERY clear what your expectations are? I say that because it can be really difficult as an inexperienced nanny with a parent working at home. You need to talk about your work and that it's important that she is independent and tries not to bother you whilst you're working. It can be a very awkward situation for a nanny to deal with if the boundaries are unclear. She might think that she will be stepping on your toes if she deals with certain situations without consulting you.

*enquire

You don't have to have any qualification or experience to be a nanny to be honest - ultimately you interviewed and hired her, not the agency. So long as they didn't misrepresent her experience or qualifications then I don't see the problem - everyone has to start somewhere.

Saying that, if this woman isn't capable of doing the job you need, then I would look for someone else.

I nannied for a lot of years and the general rule re. calling yourself a nanny (according to most agencies) is a childcare qualification or at least two years of experience. Anyone who doesn't fit that category is considered an au pair or a mother's help.

The agencies that I have dealt with usually agree a probation period, does this apply to yours? Have you considered after school club instead? (sorry, I saw ten yr old twins but can't remember the other child's age.)

Would you manage some time to have her shadow you or write down a very concise schedule. It's pretty out of order that you can't make a conference call without interruption. If she has problems with supervision whilst cooking, can this be TV time for the children?

Ahh the twins were on another nanny thread, my apologies...tricky with the 2yo.

Thanks for all the feedback. She has shadowed me, and I have made I think made it clear what's expected. I am relaxed and friendly though and don't like being too 'bossy' if you know what I mean. Example - the other day, I had to go on a call, I said 'I need to go up to the study and focus for 45 minutes.' After 15 minutes, middle child had c

"I need to go up to the study and focus for 45 minutes" is too vague though, especially to someone whose English isn't good.

"I have to make a phonecall in the office. Do not let the children disturb me - you must keep them downstairs with you" sets expectations better.

Or even just have a general rule that if you are in your office, no one is to disturb you unless it's a medical emergency.

...sorry.

I was interrupted by middle child, who I sent downstairs, then 10 minutes later youngest child started climbing the stairs calling for me. Nanny stood behind her trying to coax her down which just made her more upset and eventually (when I left her to it), took her downstairs where she proceeded to scream her head off (unusual). Nanny wasn't doing the 'ooh, what's this?' distraction method at all - she seemed clueless. Similarly I've had to be around for every bedtime until kids are asleep (she babysits one eve a week) and she seems very panicky about the prospect of putting the toddler to bed on her own. I know if the youngest woke up, I'd get a phonecall and have to go home.

But would I really be able to change her salary now to a mother's help, do you think?

I will talk to the agency. I think the deal is 'we find you a replacement or pay you a percentage of the fee' - which goes down to ten percent by 6 weeks in...not great.

You can end the current contract, giving her contractual notice, and then offer her the new position of mother's help with a different contract/job description/pay.

You don't necessarily need any qualifications to be a nanny, but as a PP said, agency standards are normally a childcare qual or at least two years experience.

I think you probably need to sit down and spell it out to her. Very detailed instructions, and expectations. A situation with a WAHP is tough! Even for the more seasoned among us.

If she isn't a FT employee can you perhaps suggest she takes a course on childcare. Not necessarily an in depth one, just to give her ideas. (NCMA?) Also, of she can get some kind of quals then you may qualify for childcare vouchers. At least she gains experience and you save money. Both will benefit you.

I'm not sure about recreating a role as a mother's help, she already lacks confidence by the sounds of things. Getting her up to scratch would be better IMO. Can you make a challenge out of not disturbing you for the older children? A star chart with reward for instance. Or give them a time when you can pop down and hear about their day for ten minutes. I was definitely a carrot as opposed to stick kind of nanny. It may be an idea to suggest learning English at night school too. It will do her well for the future and may help
Her settle in with fellow nannies with English as a first language.

You can't blame the agency because they didn't misrepresent her. You saw her experience and qualifications. You saw that she clearly wasn't a nanny. You employed her as a nanny. You've made an error, own it, don't shift the blame onto someone else. You were desperate to find someone so the agency would have sent you anyone interested in the job.

She sounds a bit hopeless tbh. I would start looking at alternative childcare solutions.

In the meantime speak to the children. The older two should be able to understand the rule 'you NEVER disturb mummy when she's in her office'. If they stay away, the little one will as well. Speak clearly to the nanny. Not liking to be bossy isn't compatible with employing someone who needs clear guidance. Don't become involved in dealing with any non-emergency issues. If the nanny comes to you, send her away to deal with it herself. Try and work out of the house.

I agree with Outraged.... I think you need a family meeting and you need to let everyone know the rules. Write them down if you have to. No coming up to Mummy when she's in the office etc.... Listen to 'nanny'...I had a nanny job where mum was around and found it difficult at the beginning. I got mum to tell me when she wasn't to be disturbed and for approx. how long. Even with 30 years exp , Sometimes I would keep kids away and she would say...'its allright...they can come in'.. and I never knew when I HAD to keep kids away...Talk, explain, be the boss....she probably is a bit confused as are the kids. Talk to the older DCs about what you are actually doing in your room....working! You have to make it CLEAR whats going on. Good luck....

ditto leeds - you saw her cv/ref/exp and still offered her a job as a nanny

you are paying a good salary so why didnt you go for a proper nanny with exp/quals

its hard having a parent working from home, you need to tell the older kids that you are working/do not disturb etc

i dont think this will work in the long term as you need a nanny rather then someone with no exp,esp with younger children

Ditto with Outraged... you children are not "older" as you said, one of them is only 2 so the level of English does matter a lot. I think you were panicked about finding childcare and accepted a less experienced, non-English speaking candidate who was not a great fit for you.

Unfortunately, being nice and relaxed in this situation won't work, if you told the nanny you needed to go upstairs and "focus" she probably didn't even know what the word focus meant! If you do not want to be disturbed by the children or you want her to do something, you will have to be very direct and very clear using simple language. She is not going to pick up any inference or suggestions.

Nannying with a parent at home is difficult and her lack of experience doesn't help. Unless you are prepared to continue offering her support and being involved with care while she is in the house, you need to find someone else. I am surprised that in London you cannot find someone better. Where did you originally advertise?

She isn't suitable so she goes. No drama really.