Please tell me that this nanny interview was unusual...

[Curlylockscurlylocks]

I'd be really grateful to hear from any nannies out there. DD is 8 months old and we had our first interview with a nanny this morning. I am feeling pretty depressed and have said to DH that I'm wondering whether I'm going to be able to go back to work, so I am really hoping that someone can tell me that this was unusual. Whilst she seemed nice and her answers to the questions we asked seemed perfectly reasonable, she just didn't seem that interested in interacting with DD. I don't know what would be normal at a nanny interview and I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable. I appreciated that it might be hard to conduct a conversation with the parents and interact with DD at the same time, so I deliberately left them together for a short while I went and fetched something for DD, went to the bathroom etc, to see what happened. And the answer was... nothing. She didn't seem to talk to DD, or play with her, or even respond particularly actively when DD started "chatting" to her, grinning at her, etc. She occasionally, wordlessly, offered DD a bowl of snacks which I'd prepared for her, but I was sort of expecting that she would have a conversation with her. You know - just asking whether the food was tasty, would she like some more, what colour was it, etc. The normal, mindless, almost unconscious chatter of those of us who spend all day with a small child. But.. nothing. Just silence. I am wondering whether it's me. This lady came with fantastic references from a reputable agency. Is it just that my expectations are unreasonable? Is it normal at nanny interviews to focus only on the parents, rather than the child?

Also, the role we're offering is part time (3.5 days per week). I'd be really grateful for some views on whether this means we're going to have difficulty attracting good candidates. Although we only need 3.5 days of sole charge, we would be happy to look for someone for full time, compressed hours (with the extra being shared care) if it meant that we could attract a great nanny. Do you think we'd be better off going down that route? Thank you very much in advance.

No, she sounds rubbish. I have employed three mother's helps and only one behaved like that (the first one I employed, through an agency) I had to sack her after three weeks as she really showed no interest in ds1 (18 months) Even at playgroup the other mothers mentioned to me there was nil interaction. As a new employer I didn't know what to think, but my gut feeling (that she was reliable, honest hardworking but somehow indifferent and disinterested in small children to the extent of wearing a white coat to the park Your child would be perfectly safe with her, just not "loved".

When you see how a person who likes/loves children interacts you will have no doubt.

No she doesn't sound good. I'd keep looking.

Well spotted, OP

She probably got excellent references because she always arrived on time and cleaned up, etc. and didn't cause the parents any inconvenience.

It doesn't sound good however speaking as a former nanny it is far easier to do first interview as just adults. Although I wouldn't ignore a child while interviewing I do end up forgetting questions and I end up feeling like I don't get a good feeling of the adult either as they seem to be concentrating on child. Would you consider doing next first interview adults only and then a second more informal interview with baby. Make sure you talk about how you're worried about going back to work as a good nanny will have ideas to help. As with anything with childcare trust your instinct that is just important as references and experience.

Also discuss with nannies if hours are enough. They might be looking for another part time position but if you can offer more hours there's no need.

Im a nanny

I tend to go the opposite way at interviews, im usually so busy chatting and playing with the children I forget im supposed to be answering questions

I dont think part time hours will put off great nannies, I work 3 days a week and my bosses seem to think im pretty good at my job ive been with them for 6 years so must be doing something right

I think this just isnt the right nanny for you, perhaps she is better with older children, but you will find a nanny that you click with it just might take a little longer.

I far prefer interviews where I get to interact with the children. Best interviews in my view are carried out with prospective nanny and children on the carpet.

With a child present you expect there to be interaction between the prospective nanny and the child. With babies that may be holding them, chatting/singing to them, offering them toys.

Many nannies like part-time if the pay is right for them. So 3.5 days I don't think should be an issue. You just need to find the right person, someone who you can get on with and who is interested in your DD.

You meet candidates because on paper they look great but you need to see them in person, how they interact with children. So you have done the right thing, interviewed, given them some time alone, and you have found them not to be right for you. So move on to the next candidate - anyone else looking hopeful to interview next?

Very odd ,surely anyone left sitting in a room with a small child talks to the child ,whether or not they're a nanny . I talk to people's animals if I'm left alone with them ,let alone children.

As a nanny I was going to say that I don't 'push' myself on children who I have just met but within a short time you know if they are up for a cuddle, a play on the carpet etc. The fact that your DC was showing signs of being ok with her and she still didn't properly react, I think means that she's not the one for you. I once didn't get a job because apparently I talked too much!!! Like every Mother who is a quiet one, you'll get a nanny who is self contained and quiet too. Doesn't mean shes not good at her job, just not what YOU want. 3.5 days with good pay/perks sounds good to me. Good luck with the search.

I have only just started looking for a nanny ( or rather checking out what I should ask of her during initial conversation, qualifications, CRB etc.), but I would be content if my child was safe, fed, changed, been for a walk in the park and slept at regular times, if I were to leave him for one 8 hour working day with a nanny. Interaction and stimulation are important, but those are parents' responsibility.
Om the darker side - I have an acquaintance who said she used to look after children of the family she was staying with; during our conversation she actually mentioned she had friends who found a bouncy chair very useful with their 6 month old. They were placing it on a kitchen table she added. My son was only ten days old at the time and we did not have a bouncy chair, but y immediate thought was it was unsafe.
I have an important work assignment in a weeks time and the more I think about it, the scarier the prospect.

Perhaps l she was nervous, I am a nanny and it is a bit nerve wracking when you interview with the kids present. I also wouldn't be too full on with a baby I just met, but I would gently interact with baby.

Crowen85, if you are nervous, imagine how parents feel when they leave the most precious thing in their life with somebody they only met once.
I am actually thinking to get a nanny in for a couple of hours while I am in the house, initially. Not to spy on nanny, just to make sure they get on.

Thanks very much, everyone. That makes me feel better; I didn't know if my expectations were totally off the wall. We'll carry on with the search.

I've been a nanny for nine years I'm very aware if how parents feel it's part off job! Don't be so patronising.

Sorry if this came accross as patronizing, was not meant to be that way.

Does anybody know if the potential nanny would be offended if I asked her for ID and something with address on along with most recent CRB?

I don't mind bringing any documentation with me for parents to see, however, I don't like parents taking copies of things until I start the job. I don't feel it's necessary for people I may only ever meet once to hold my personal information.

OP, you have an idea in your mind if the type of nanny you want looking after your child, it is in no way unrealistic. However, as Marylou62 said, the nanny you interviewed just sounded more introverted. I've also not got the job because I was too chatty, and to be entirely honest, if I interview with the children present I tend to make them a priority.

I think first interviews should be conducted without children present to allow the nanny to concentrate on the interview, then later on the children should be introduced.

You said 'we' so this means that you were both interviewing?
I was a nanny too when i was young and i was definitely more nervous if both the parents were present. You have to give the right answers PLUS to keep eye contact with both parents.
You could interview manny applicants and then select few final for a second interview with dh present.

ugly I wouldn't be offended. I normally take a portfolio of documents along to interview anyway, to show CRB, no points on driving licence etc etc.

OP, when reading your post, the first thing to come to mind was that the nanny sounded nervous. And like others have said, perhaps she's just the quiet type. But it's fine for you to not be happy with that if that's not something you are looking for in your nanny.

You will just know when you interview the right nanny. Instinct goes a long way. Good luck.

I wouldn't like that. I think its hard to find the right balance of parent vs child for a nanny at interview but just ...nothing to the little one you'd be looking after seems odd to me.

I've just interviewed 3 nannys and they all responded to the children well. One was clearly nervous and didn't pay too much attention at first to the 3 rug rats at her feet but when I had to help my 3 yo with the potty she scooped up one of the twins the moment she cried and chattered away to her.

The nanny who I offered the position to came yesterday for a couple of hours and played with them whilst I pottered in the background and she was great silly voices and songs, full on interaction crawling on the floor!

So if you are unsure I would go with your gut instinct and look at others.

She sounds quite stiff and unnatural- of course nerves could be a reason, but maybe she just isn't that kind of person, which is fine, she just isn't the nanny for you!

Incidently, would you seriously expect to hear a nanny say to an 8 month old, what colour is the snack? I wouldn't ever think of saying that to an 8mnth old! I can appreciate you chat along with babies, and smile, and may say daft things to make them giggle, but asking them questions like that will have no meaning to the baby!? X

Ahh ok- that I understand!!! Thanks Madrigals, I didn't get that at all hahah