Biting :(

[Hayduke]

My childminders son bit my 2yo DD, she has a nasty bruise. He is nearly 2years older than her. He got cross because she wanted to play with a toy of his. Childminder was sorting lunch or something at the time. He got sent to his room as punishment. He is generally boisterous but a good kid.

I am really unhappy about it and feel that we pay a fortune for childcare and we should expect better, (there arent many options around us) And I feel very protective of my DDs.

I think that it is totally unacceptable. Should I understand this is part of the rough and tumble of growing up? When my DDs have (similar age gap) on rare occasion bitten each other they got sent to the naughty step and told off.

If I speak to childminder about it now I will get cross and maybe loose otherwise good childminder. (She has also asked for a raise which is about in line with what childminders charge around us, but neither me or my partner have had a raise for 4 years)

If I avoid the issue I will regret it, if I confront her I may loose childminder,

Please advise,

What frusso said

Not worth losing a childminder over

And you discipline your children in the same way as your CM did!

And you have pointed out they have bitten

So you know it is usual if unpleasant behaviour

It's very common.... Whatever childcare setting you use, there is likely to be some biting/pushing between children. Your childminder dealt with it. I wouldn't raise issue again. I think your being a little unreasonable. It could just as easily been your child doing the biting, and may be in the future.
I'd even prepare for more biting instances, these things tend to be phases that children go through.
What actually do you want your childminder to do?? She can't guarantee it won't happen again. All she can do is deal with it when it occurs.
These things happen....

I'm a cm. my own dc bit a mindee when she was younger. I delt with it at the time, mother of mindee was fine about it, little ones do this kind of thing. A few weeks later it was the other way round, mindee bit my dc. As long as it was delt with, I think you have to accept it is just one of those things that happens. Your dc have been the bitter before now, so you should know this.
If it happens again and becomes a regular occurrence, then I think you need to be talking to cm about it and asking about what she is doing to stop it, but after one bite, I think it may be best to leave it.

Jus thinking about this and wondering how old your dc is and how old the biter is? Are you cross because the child is now of an age where he should have out grown the biting stage, ie I would be quite cross if a school aged child bit my dc, but would accept it as being one of those things if they were bitten by a toddler?

You cannot guarantee nothing bad will ever happen to your child with a childminder any more than you can guarantee that with you supervising. In Loco Parentis... not miracle work! Reasonable safety and reasonably discipline (you can't expect the childminder to go OTT on her own kid because he hurt your paying kid: just a fair punishment, which happened).

You say yourself it's happened to you.

I don't think anything unreasonable or bad has happened on her part. I wonder if because you are paying, you have seen this as a client/commodity situation in the same way as buying a product: imperfect = complain/send it back. The problem is, children are people and will sometimes be unpredictable. With childcare and education, even with the best practice sometimes kids won't toe the line and then the good carer reacts and sorts it out (as happened here) without overreacting.

Agree with the others. He was punished by a time out in his room.

Her rate increases will almost certainly have no connection with your pay rises. If you got a 20% rise, would you expect her to do the same?

I do sympathise though as it is horrible when your child is bitten. My own DD has been bitten by a mindee.

2 things bother me about it:
My daughter being bitten by a boy two years older. I think he should know/learn respect.
And I am paying a lot of money for a service from childminder who is responsible for the care and safety of my daughters.

Many thanks for the replies and insight.

I am a bit more chilled about it now, and less likely to blow my top at childminder.

You say your childminder's son is nearly 2 years older, so he's 3? 4? Sometimes even that age group loses control and it sounds like he certainly didn't get away with it: he was punished. Exactly what more are you hoping for?

This was 1 bite while the childminder was preparing tea. She could not possibly have prevented it, unless you'd prefer that the children went hungry. Presumably they normally play together with no problem. What more do you want from her in order to keep your child safe?
Nurseries deal with loads of bite incidents, even nannies with sole charge cannot prevent a child suddenly biting at a playgroup. If we know a child is a biter, we can be extra vigilant, but it sounds as though this has never happened before. Even then, a serial biter can be difficult to prevent.

If it's the biting incident that's upset you, you're being incredibly unfair. Don't expect higher standards of behaviour from a childminder's child. It puts immense pressure on both of them and it's unrealistic. He's just a child: he's sharing his home, his mother and his toys with other children all the time. I know some children who would fight and bite constantly in his position!

Or is it the raise in fees that's upset you? That has nothing to do with this incident. The way you should look at it is that you've had cheaper childcare all this time than you would have had from the other local childminders. Her costs have shot up, too. Talk to her about the fee increase by all means, but don't begrudge her it. Blame instead your employers who have not given you a payrise for 4 years.

As others have said the cm dealt with it the same way you would have

Yes 4yrs shouldn't go round biting tho maybe it was a one off

What would you do or want to happen if your dd bit a child while at cm?

Fee increase - cm can raise her fees anytime according to what contract says - she is se and decides her rates and you as her client have the choice to pay them or find new childcare

Slight over reaction tbh

It was once

If it was every day then kick off

Some children bite. What more would you want her to do about it?

Even in nurseries were there are alwAys staff in the room, not off making lunch children get bitten

Where!