Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you fire her?

49 replies

thelastpost · 20/05/2014 23:04

So we found a great nanny a month ago and we have been working together looking after our twin boys who are now 4 months old and she will have sole charge when I go back to work in a fortnight.

We went away with our twins at the weekend for DHs birthday and left her at home to look after our 14 year old son- we trusted her 100%.

So needless to say we were incredibly shocked when our neighbour telephoned us on Saturday evening (we mentioned to her we were going away and could she keep an eye out as well) to say there were people at the house having a party- loud music, smoking in the garden and drinking. My initial concern was that my 14 year old had thrown a party while our nanny went out for the evening with friends (she told us she wanted to go for dinner with a friend that night and we OK'd for our son to be left until 9pm) but nope- it was her doing, and she had dumped my son on a friends parents (his friend- apparently she told them she had to return home due to a family emergency)

We called the police who came around and broke up the party- and spoke to our nanny on Sunday morning explaining we would discuss what action would be taken when we returned home- we got back this evening and she disappeared (conveniently) before we got back but assume she will be here for work tomorrow and we have sent her a text saying we want a chat before DH goes to work.

It's not just the party thats the problem- some jewellery, DS's PS4 (we are yet to tell him and he will be gutted because he saved up from a paper round to buy it himself), a laptop and some cash has been stolen.

I feel like the trust has been broken- but she is an excellent nanny and the children (including my oldest) adore her and already look at her as a member of the family. That said, she might of just "pulled the wool over our eyes"

What would you do- fire her or give her a warning? She came with impeccable references so don't think anything like this has happened before.

Also we got her through an agency- do we tell the agency anything even if we keep her on?

Also we are going to have to report the items that have gone missing to the police in order to claim on our insurance- if we keep her on, will she get in trouble for this?

OP posts:

Damnautocorrect · 21/05/2014 09:19

Oh and yes tell the agency and she can whistle for references.

nannynoss · 21/05/2014 09:19

I can't believe someone who is supposed to be mature enough to look after tiny twin babies and be a role model to a young teen has done something like this. What was she thinking?!?
In my first live-in job when I was 18, the family used to go away a lot and they used to say 'do whatever you like in the house, invite anyone over, as long as the house is in the same state as we left it'. Even in that situation, I would never, ever have had a party.
She has no respect for your house, your belongings, or YOU to have done this to you.
So sorry this has happened to you. But please, don't keep her on and definitely tell the agency.

Rosa · 21/05/2014 09:21

P O L I C E ..... What she did was wrong and items have been stolen -wheteher it was her or her friends she should be responsible for replacing.
Fired no references and advise the agency why.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 21/05/2014 09:26

I sincerely doubt that she will show up to work. And you need to fire her ass and call the police for the thefts.

She's only been with you a month so whilst she might have settled in well it's not like she has been with you for years so not really like family frankly.

OvertiredandConfused · 21/05/2014 10:07

Another one saying that you must report the thefts to the police. Tell your 14yo too. And tell the agency - maybe she has done it before and that family didn't tell the agency.

theDudesmummy · 21/05/2014 10:16

No question. I would not even let her into the house again, and I would call the police immediately about the thefts.

ThinkingtheUnthinkable · 21/05/2014 10:23

One month is no time at all.

Your 14 year old will understand that she turned out to be someone other than she appeared on the surface and a valuable but sad life experience may filter down to him.

You'll need to report the thefts to the police for insurance purposes and she will presumably be interviewed in connection with the matter.

There's no way she can stay, you know that really don't you ?

I wonder, does she have an "unsuitable" boyfriend leading her astray, is that how the party came about ? It seems utter madness on her part to even think of doing such a thing, she must have known the neighbours would tip you off, if not at the time, then later and that she'd be in massive trouble.

mistlethrush · 21/05/2014 10:31

Has she turned up yet?

Definitely fire.

SongsAboutB · 21/05/2014 10:51

Definitely fire her, fire her from a cannon. If all the stuff that was stolen isn't returned straight away file a police report. Sadly I think that your insurance might not pay out as these people were invited into your home by the nanny.

I bet she's been pushing boundaries ever since she started and reckoned you were a soft touch who doesn't like confrontation so she thought she could get away with this.

WanderingAway · 21/05/2014 11:26

How can you form a close bond with someone after a month?

I would be contacting the police and the agency and i would tell your son exactly why u fired her. Lying and stealing are wrong and your 14 year old needs to learn that. He wont learn if you keep the nanny.

Bettercallsaul1 · 21/05/2014 16:04

Unbelievable!

Fillybuster · 21/05/2014 16:10

OP, you really need to give yourself a firm talking to.

Of course you have to involve the police. And of course you have to fire her. Then you need to call the agency and explain to them exactly why this has happened.

Are you really planning to leave someone who behaves like this in charge of your children? Really?

And what sort of message does that send to your 14 year old? That you can get away with blue murder as long as you're charming? Or that his mum doesn't really care about his stuff as long as no-one upsets the childcare plans for the dts?

If you don't tell the agency, they will place her with someone else and she'll do the same to them. How would you feel about that? You have a responsibilit to other families.

Honestly, I'm as by your response to this as to your nannys' behaviour.

Fillybuster · 21/05/2014 16:11

OP, you really need to give yourself a firm talking to.

Of course you have to involve the police. And of course you have to fire her. Then you need to call the agency and explain to them exactly why this has happened.

Are you really planning to leave someone who behaves like this in charge of your children? Really?

If you don't tell the agency, they will place her with someone else and she'll do the same to them. How would you feel about that? You have a responsibilit to other families.

Honestly, I'm as by your response to this as to your nannys' behaviour.

NatashaBee · 21/05/2014 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeterParkerSays · 21/05/2014 16:21

In terms of your son, use lots of "encompassing" language so you're bringing him into the wider family, "she betrayed our trust", "she should have looked after you, that is what we trusted her to do" etc.

He will be devastated but can then see that he's part of a wider family who have been affected by the deceit of this woman, it's not a case of "I bonded with her and she went away".

cookielove · 21/05/2014 16:29

Did she show up for work?

Greyhound · 21/05/2014 16:54

OMG that is absolutely shocking behaviour. She must go and the agency must know about her appalling behaviour. Apart from anything, she must be very stupid to think that she could get away with this.

SoldeInvierno · 21/05/2014 21:29

Fire her, of course. And why does your 14 year old like her so much? Has he got a crush on her? I would not let her into my house again and would definitely report the theft.

Raskova · 21/05/2014 22:21

Did she show up??? I can't believe her cheek!

PeedOffMinder · 22/05/2014 15:16

Op, any update?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/05/2014 17:32

Er yes. I would fire her. In. A. Heartbeat.

Ask yourself this - you and DH would like to go away for your anniversary in 12 months time. She will be responsible for your 16 mo twins and an almost 16 yr old. In that scenario - do you think you'd be comfortable leaving her in sole charge not knowing who might be in the house and what they might bring with them?

I'm sorry this has happened and it obviously throws a big problem in your return to work but you have lost the plot if you think you could ever trust her again once you are not around 24/7.

TheIronGnome · 24/05/2014 20:11

WOW! She needs to go! What a cheek?! Your DS probably warmed to her because she had the same mental age as him!!

That's awful, I wouldn't trust her to butter my toast tbh...

FrustratedNanny2014 · 29/05/2014 17:04

Get rid!!! As a nanny myself this breach of trust is unfathomable to me!!

SiLovell · 01/06/2014 14:36

Fire her! we have in our contract for our au pair reasons for immediate firing and one is smoking within the grounds of our home - it is not on when there are children around, let alone all the extra stuff. Fire her and go through an agency - at least they are checked then - if expensive (which this one was already by the sounds of your missing items.)

Flip

1 2