How do I write a ref for my AP who is reluctant to do housework & still needs encouragement to interact with dd and ds?

[Justeat]

AP since Sept 2013, goingvmid-June.
I had to keep her cos I had a c-section end of Oct 2013, which she knew I was having when she agreed to work for me.
DD is 6 and DS nearly 7 months.
I can't rely on her to do housework properly (dislikes dusting & pulls a face when I ask her to clean the unsmelly bathroom).
When she feeds or plays with ds, she only smiles and talks to him if I encourage her to.
I want to write that she works well under supervision.
IMO, she wanted to come here to London for a year-off and do the bare minimum.

I remember your original post but think you are expecting far too much of an au pair. They are not employed if you want top quality then pay for a full time nanny housekeeper. An au pair should not be making your bed they could do a tidy of children's bed room. I'd only expect wipe down of bathroom if they had used or they had help children in bathroom. Really if you have a cleaner it shouldn't get dirty at all. And fine fair enough if you've explained duties however your standards sound very high and I think you should do them yourself. I speak as a long time in house employee, the hardest of employers to work for are the ones that demand a lot and don't actually do a lot themselves. Good luck with new au pair but I wouldn't be surprised if very soon after starting you are back complaining about new one as well.

I also rem your original post and tbh you expect too much off an ap - light housework and care of older /school aged children - not heavy cleaning and looking after babies

If you are upstairs then take a monitor with you - don't expect your ap to tell you ds is crying and for her to settle him - saying that the average person would pick up a crying baby - but again ap don't usually look after very small babies

In the end if you are not happy you should of got rid of her months ago - we all told you too and many gave you countless helpful advice over night nannies /mn which you ignored

But that's in the past

I would also expect any 6yr I look after to hang their own towel up after bathtime - if they left on the floor I would be talking to them not ap

Hi all.
AP knew role description before she came and the agency ok'd it.
What exactly do some of these aps do?
FWIW, I work with her, she will hoover and I wipe the woodwork, for example.

Ok, what's light housework and what's heavy housework.
I don't ask her to climb up a ladder and wipe windows!

The agency will ok anything as they get money from you when au pair is placed. The UK if people want to have au pairs should take Americas lead and have it far more reguulated. Have a look at some American au pair sites and see what they recommend. It will not be making parents bed that's for sure.

She should be spending no more than 25 hours on duty per week. So up in morning breakfast with everyone and tidy up kitchen (2hours). Then after school read/play with children probably need guidance as either not natural with children or limited experience. Help with baths, eat dinner together and help with tidy up (5 hours). This five days a week should have two whole days off per week. Maybe once a week could dust children's rooms, help with children's washing. If you have a cleaner once per week there should be limited need for dusting or hoovering unless au pair has specifically made mess with children. It really sounds like you need different arrangement for children and house keeping.

I am clear with my aupairs they have to do upfront. 1.5 hours of cleaning a day according to a roster. Some aupairs are better at cleaning, others are better at childcare, though I have had some which were good at both and others which weren't good at either. When my children were younger, I needed a higher childcare component. Now they are older and at school/activities, I require more housework.

There are no 'rules' as to what an aupair can do. It is not in my interests to exploit them because they will leave. I know the job can be done and done well on both the childcare and housework front. It is actually dreadfully easy with lots of free time, a lovely environment in London, easy schoolrun and children who at this age largely entertain themselves.

If they cannot do housework, then I will have to pay for a cleaner and take it out of their hours and pay. Which does not make the aupair role economic for them or I. It is the job description and aupairs have employment rights. Nothing to stop them finding a waitressing or shop job if housework is beneath them.

1.5 hours cleaning a day?!

I knew my cleanliness standards were low...

I just wish au pairs were regulated in the UK. I'm a maternity nurse and cross paths with so many au pairs that are treated badly. And fine they can go find work elsewhere and then some other unsuspecting young person will pick up the unreasonable demanding au pair script. It in home childcare was regulated it would be better for everyone one and then employers wouldn't treat staff badly.

OP you've had so many issues with your au pair I don't understand why you haven't been pro active. I hope with your new au pair that you are clear on expectations.

I have a 15 year old, not much younger than some APs. I'd honestly think it unfair to place such a burden and responsibility at this age. Still, miracles can happen and I may think differently in 3-4 years' time.

Just wondering - why is it your au pairs fault that your 6 year old daughter doesn't pick up her damp towel after a shower?

Blueshoes you sound similar to me. I absolutely expect my au pair to do some household chores. This includes supervising DC and encouraging them to tidy up after themselves. They do housework whilst supervising DC who are older. They are still only working 5 hours per day. I regard them as another adult coming to live in my home with the responsibilities and fun that brings. I'm always upfront about what I expect. All previous au pairs have thought it reasonable and this is the first time I've had trouble recruiting!

You sound a bit spoilt!! There's no way I would expect anyone - including a cleaner - to make my bed. You're at home all day - make it yourself!!

However the lack of interaction with the children would concern me.

You can write the good things in your reference but also make a note of items to improve on - its good to pass all this information onto the next family. You can't sell someone who doesnt live up to the standards
-Si

Hi, your ap seems very similar to mine, are they related?!

Simply list her chores and the details of duration of stay, hours, etcetera. Keep it factual but add in any and all positives (trustworthy, reliable, good level of English, etc.)

Hi, your ap seems very similar to mine, are they related?!

They could be identical :)

hmm they so could Tanith !!!

tho sure you would allow a day off for a funeral and allow your ap to eat your food ..........

I too am confused as to what you expect an AP to do, just reading this thread you appear to have employed an AP because you were having a CS and decided you wouldn't be able to do any childcare or housework. What you describe is far removed from an AP's role.

If this was your position and even now with a 7 month old baby you still don't want to do childcare or housework I suggest you hire a nanny and a cleaner NOT another AP.

It doesn't seem to me to be an issue with the AP