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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

TODDLER INJURED DUE TO LACK OF SUPERVISION - WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

20 replies

Katieeeee · 15/05/2014 05:43

Dear Moms,

Our nanny has been with us 4 months. On one hand, she takes good care of our 3-year-old son. He likes her. She seems responsible. However, our son ended up in ER because of her negligence…! He needed stitches. It was a traumatic experience for all of us, especially for our poor baby.

The other issue is that over time we have discovered several small and big lies. When confronted about the big lie, she denied the underlying cause to our face.

Sometimes she lies about something she does not need to lie about.

We think it must be something pathological. She may be a habitual or compulsive liar.

It's such a bummer to find a new nanny so we are not looking forward to this however we have some doubts. We don’t trust her. We think that unnecessary lies raise a red flag and a dishonest nanny is never a good thing.

What would you do?

Thanks for your input,

Kate

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Raskova · 15/05/2014 05:49

I agree, dishonesty is not a trait a nanny should have.

Can I ask what happened to your DC? Was it entirely her fault? Could it have happened under your supervision? What was she doing that distracted her? If it was work related, that would make it more understandable (possibly, depending on the injury) but if she was just on the phone etc then it's simply awful.

drinkyourmilk · 15/05/2014 06:21

I agree wrt all the lies- you can't have someone you don't trust looking after your children.

The accident 8 can't make a judgement on. I once had to take a 4 year old to A&E in my first week (hours before they were due to go on holiday!).
We were getting some last minute bits and he got his finger trapped in a fire door! If I'd been more vigilant it wouldn't have happened, however I had assumed a 4 year old wouldn't put their fingers in the door jam! (My days of assumptions are over btw!)

VivaLeBeaver · 15/05/2014 06:41

Accidents happen. Many kids end up in the ER whether their parent or nanny was caring for them. You say she takes good care of him so unless it was a huge lack of judgement and she did something really stupid I wouldn't be concerned about the accident.

However I'm not sure I could have someone I didnt trust and knew to be dishonest caring for my child. Would be a deal breaker.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2014 08:07

Accidents happen to children - some can be avoided - others can't iyswim

What happened and what was nanny doing? I have taken a child I've looked after for stiches - accident was with mum

Lies - if she lies a lot why do you keep her ? Regardless of accident

Some people literally can't help lieing - I know one person and it's almost like mental illness - she literally can't help herself :(

nannynick · 15/05/2014 09:00

Children hurt themselves, sometimes they fall over and it is mild pain, sometimes a bruise, sometimes they catch themselves on something which rips the skin. Without knowing a huge amount more about the incident it is impossible to pass judgement on if it was negligence. I would focus more on how the situation occurred so what could be done differently in future to avoid it, and what action was taken... first aid given, assessment made that it was going to need more, trip to ER/A&E.

Trust is the issue here I feel... Do you trust them with your home, your belongings, your child, to react a situation appropriately seeking medical help if necessary? Lying is not a good trait and if it has happened frequently during 4 months, then are they still in probation period? Are you still hoping it might stop... seems a bit long to me, suspect it is time to end the employment (check laws in your country with regard to legal process for dismissing someone).

Hoppinggreen · 15/05/2014 13:45

I had to leave my CM because she lied about something.
There was no danger to my DS and the lie was totally unnecessary and I wasn't even the slightest bit bothered about the issue.
However, I felt that if I knew she had lied once then maybe she had lied previously and I couldn't risk leaving my son with her.
If there's no trust you need to find a replacement ASAP

Original poster

Katieeeee · 15/05/2014 15:43

It's hard to say if it was entirely her fault - she was in the kitchen. It could have happened under my supervision however it never happened. I think she didn't pay attention. The injury is one thing. Lying is probably more important right now as we are not sure if we can trust her. On the other hand she is a really good nanny. She is never late. My son really likes her. She takes him to the zoo, she cooks for him, cleans after him. There are no other cons except the problem of lying and this unfortunate injury.

OP posts:

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/05/2014 16:10

I think you need to take the two incidents separately.

Firstly the lying I would arrange a meeting to discuss the lying give her a set time scale to improve.
The injury it would be acceptable to have a separate meeting to debrief on the accident and exactly what happened. Sometimes children have unexplainable accidents. My DD at 7 was stood in our sitting room just tossing a ballon gently next thing I knew she was on the ground having hit the rounded edged coffee table with a gash in her head that required multiple stitiches over two trips to A&E. To this day I still could not tell you what happened.

I suspect you are not in the UK as your refer to the ER, but make sure you fully understand local employment law before you do anything.

hotcrosshunny · 15/05/2014 19:28

What is she lying about? Because that alone would do it for me.

My dd had a split head when in the care of granny. She also had a broken leg when our nanny looked after her. But I knew it was an accident and we've still got her!

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2014 20:56

But what happened? Fell over and cracked head in garden?

As I said accidents happen - it's more the way of what happens afterwards and how they dealt with it

But the lying would worry me

OutragedFromLeeds · 15/05/2014 21:46

You need to let her go. Regardless of whether she was at fault or not, the trust is broken and it's not fair to her to keep on when you don't trust her.

The only issue really is what to say in her reference. It's difficult to advise when we don't know the circumstances of the accident or the nature of the lies.

OutragedFromLeeds · 15/05/2014 21:46

You need to let her go. Regardless of whether she was at fault or not, the trust is broken and it's not fair to her to keep on when you don't trust her.

The only issue really is what to say in her reference. It's difficult to advise when we don't know the circumstances of the accident or the nature of the lies.

Original poster

Katieeeee · 16/05/2014 02:01

Hey Moms, thank you very much for all your comments ! I appreciate your help.

Regarding the accident - DC fell from the couch and cracked head in our house.. I am glad I was at home then and saw the blood. Thus I don't even know how she would react as I had to call 911 - I am in the U.S.

Lying worries me a lot but at the same time my son is somehow attached to his nanny and he really likes her. I am afraid that if I change the nanny, DC will not react well. This is what happened in the past. Every nanny change and he was waking up at night crying like hell.

Besides, you never know if your new nanny won't be worse...

OP posts:

Raskova · 16/05/2014 05:43

So you think if you weren't there 911 wouldn't have been called??

If you don't get a new nanny and something happens, you will always blame yourself.

Kids are resilient. Search for the best nanny you can get. This doesn't sound like better the devil you know!

hotcrosshunny · 16/05/2014 06:25

Why have you changed nannies so often!?

And maybe she didn't ring because you were there and she was unsure as to how you'd react?

How prescriptive are you when dealing with nanny?

MinesAPintOfTea · 16/05/2014 06:32

I don't understand: falling from couch could happen whilst supervised unless the child is never more than an arm length away.

How was your DC? Unconscious, concussed or just dazed? It effects how serious her not immediately calling 911 is.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/05/2014 06:37

How many nannies have you had in 3yrs of your ds being
Born? Sounds a lot

Falling off a couch sounds like a natural accident - unless jumping on it? Assume you have a tiles floor rather then carpet of needed stiches

Whatever country a nanny /family is in I would like to think they would have the brains to be able to call emergancy services if needed

Tbh sounds like your trust has gone and she needs to go

3bunnies · 16/05/2014 06:42

Falling off the couch is a fairly common accident. Dd2 rolled off the sofa while cuddled up next to me watching a dvd - she broke her collar bone. If your ds had been jumping on and off encouraged by her though it would be more negligent.

The lying would put me off though and you must pick her up on all of them and record them if she stays.

MitziKinsky · 16/05/2014 06:52

I wouldn't be looking for a new nanny because of the accident.

The lies are much more worrying, and you need to raise this with her.

drinkyourmilk · 16/05/2014 08:35

Tbh that accident doesn't seem extraordinary, so I'm not sure she can be blamed-especially as she was in the kitchen busy with something else. It sounds like you are judging her on actions she didn't make, as you were in the house dealing with the situation. I'd say this is because all your trust in her has gone. She has lied too many times and it's effected your relationship. She needs to go.

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