Any advice really appreciated. How to leave job with children I love?

[FrustratedNanny2014]

I have worked for the same family for two and a half years, mostly caring for their youngest child who was 8 weeks old when I started. Needless to say, I adore these children.
I have been incredibly flexible and done everything I can to make their lives easier. I sometimes work 10 extra hours a week when the parents life gets hectic, however, I am NEVER paid extra for any hours more I work despite my original agreement being that I am paid by the hour. I have no contract, which I know is wrong. The father can be extremely unfriendly, sometimes positively aggressive in the way he speaks to people. This is not just to me, but I certainly can receive the brunt of it at times.
I know I am poorly treated, I know I am under paid, I know I am disrespected.
I have been offered another full time position with a lovely family. £2 more per hour as well as fuel costs to and from work. They REALLY want me and appreciate my commitment to my charges family.
I suppose I really want advice as to how to maintain a friendly relationship with my current family. I am very scared that they re going to be incredibly unfriendly and probably nasty upon me providing notice, I just can't stand the thought of not seeing the children anymore if they decide to be spiteful.
I am even considering not accepting the new position through a feeling of duty and pure guilt.
Any advice would be so welcomed, I am having a hard time making a choice and working out how to move forward. Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

I would be honest with them. Say that you love their kids, and you want to stay with them, but the working conditions are leading you to think you would be better elsewhere. Tell them about the other job. That will give them a chance to sort things out.

I have worked for two families for ten years ,my current for coming up to six years.I am lucky and I still see all the children I have looked afterBUT you have got to put yourself first. If you do want to stay the family have got to change. I agree with all that Jolly says. However I do actually think you should leave. Parents like these rarely change,a father with a temper always has a temper ,I once had a father rip all the Newly ironed shirts off their hangers because I had done the top button up the day after an agency rang me and asked how I was doing as they had a new job in,I interviewed the next day and gave my notice in in the Monday.(my boss had a temper and the shirts were the last of several issues)I doubt your boss will get any sweeter tempered.you have no contract which is actually good for you also as you can leave when you want.They do not pay you for extra hours.I do not know how old you are but in our job We do get very fond of all the children in our care you are worth more than this,take the new job which sounds great tell your current parents that you would like to see the children I'm sorry they may say no but you have to put yourself before this .I am a very old nanny and I have come across many different parents, if you are going to be in a job for years don't work for inconsiderate, aggressive people.There are so many jobs with lovely parents who will appreciate you.As I have got older and possibly braver than when I started I will speak up for myself and ask for what I am owed.this job offer may be the sign for you that now is the time to go.Again I do understand about your feelings for the children but in Otis case put yourself first.Excuse the long post but I have known nannies who are bullied and put upon by their employers.When you go to work you shoul look forward to going not wonder whether the father will have a go at you.breathe Eurycantha breathe.

Thank you so much. I think you are right. I don't believe they will change, I am just very upset about the conflict involved. It's my first nannying job, and honestly the job I do love. Helping those children learn and grow has been so fulfilling and I work very hard. Your message has definitely made me feel a lot mote confident about this choice, thank you!

I had a part time nanny job with no contract and it just didn't work out. I wasn't sure where I stood with certain aspects of the job and found it very unorganised. I am now working for them again but this time with a contract in place, it works so much better now! I have a set minimum hours I have to work each week and any additional will get paid at the same hourly rate. Each month I give them my total hours worked and they sort out paying me. I would see if they may consider getting a contract done. Are you insured? They should be able to advise you too.
Good luck

The contract is really not the issue. Although there are times when I feel unsure of where I stand, having been there three years I have generally picked up what responsibilities they expect from me. If I went to them and explained that I wanted a contract to cover paying me for all the extra hours I am certain I would receive a very angry response.

I know now that I am going to move on, its just incredibly unnerving to think that they may be nasty upon me handing in my notice. I do worry about whether or not they will give me a favourable reference. I have bent over backwards for them, so I should certainly hope they will.

I of course would also love to be able to stay in contact with the children, but I suppose at this point I have to accept that it may not be possible.

What exactly would they do on you giving notice?

They do realise that nannies talk (mine certainly does) and families like theirs could be labelles as no goes!

Just keep it factual and work your notice like the professional that you are.

They will be angry and I am sure very confrontational. I actually think I am just incredibly nervous and feeling quite weak about the situation, but realise now it's time to get on with this and move forward.

I know that I have Been incredibly loyal and will always love their children so I can leave with that in mind. Thanks for all the advice and support everyone, I really needed it!

When you resign, be firm, give notice as you see fit, given that you do not have a contract, you could leave with no notice. Serve that notice and do not be drawn into working until they find another nanny. If their lives are hectic, they may not prioritize finding another nanny but this is not your concern. Check your theoretical holiday entitlement too in case that is brought up. Stand your ground and make sure you get paid what you are owed.

All the advice here has been great but I think I could answer you as I believe your main worry is leaving your present charges. I understand that you love them and would like to keep in touch if you leave. I'm sorry to say as much as I hope you will be part of these childrens lives, it might not be possible. I speak as a childrens nurse/nanny/ childminder /respite carer of 30+ years. I have maintained a relationship with 80% of my X charges. A few have sadly died but I have kept in touch with siblings and parents. Some I have really really loved ( started like you when baby was 3 weeks). They moved after 3 1/2 years and I was gutted but see them twice a year and I am like a granny to them...lovely) I also left a job in Athens after 5 months and loved that little boy. I was sooo bored and I asked to leave but would stay till they got another nanny. But they chucked me out there and then and I never got to say goodbye to that beautiful little boy. I still have a bit of heartache when I think of him. So sometimes it is out of your hands. You do deserve to be treated better and must harden yourself to the fact that you may lose contact. Gone are the days of nannies working for one family for most of her life. This is your first job and you can expect many changes. I have loved and lost so many times and will always remember all my x charges. They have a special place in my heart and I have an album of photos of all of them and look at it often. Some of the pictures bring a tear and some fondness. I do not want to upset you but in this job you must understand that things don't always happen like they should. But if the worst does happen, you'll have to 'grieve' and then transfer all that love to your new 'family'. It will get easier but never harden your heart and not get close.

The more you nanny you will realise you are worth more than this family are giving you in money, respect and appreciation. Go to the new job with excitement. New children to love and care for. Nannying is a profession, new job, new children, new challenges. As for keeping in touch, WHY? Children will forget quickly and form new bond with new nanny. It is natural.

What do you think they will do when the dc is old enough not to need a nanny do you think they will continue to keep you on paying your wages just to prevent the distress to you and the dc. Of course not so why should you put up with working unpaid overtime and being the brunt of this mans temper.

Thank you so much to everyone for your really kind and helpful replies. I am going to confirm contract details with the new family and hand my notice in ASAP. I intend to provide as much notice for them and just take the financial blow if they decide to ask me to leave there and then. (Although I am sure the new family would be more than happy for me to start with them asap.)
I really value the stories and experiences from other nannies and childcare workers. I know now that I deserve to be treated more fairly and I am excited to start working with the new family.
I hope to stay in touch with them, I realise this is unlikely in the long term.

Thanks again everyone, I am so happy that anyone took the time to reply!