Au pairs and hours on / off

[Gusthetheatrecat]

Our first ever au pair arrives at the end of this month, and we are feeling a mixture of excited and nervous!
On advice from here, I am starting to draft an au pair handbook, and putting together a sample week's duties and activities.

What I realise I am slightly struggling with, and would like some people's experiences of, is how in practice the difference between 'working hours' and 'non working hours' plays out? I am conscious of this especially as I don't want to be taking advantage of anyone.

Does an au pair normally function as part of the family at all times?! I am imagining as an older sister might help load the dishwasher, for example, or read stories to children, if she felt like it. Or would an off duty au pair expect to be strictly off duty and not helping at all? I can't quite imagine how it will work. Especially if during the summer holidays she wants to join us on a day out somewhere, so 'working hours' that day would not be so clear.

I was thinking of saying in our au pair handbook that during the hours she is off duty, our au pair should consider herself to be not working, and if she would like to spend time with the girls then that would be lovely of courses but if she wants to spend her time out of the house, or in the house doing her own thing, then this is completely up to her. In case my girls keep demanding her time, I am going to tell them that her room is strictly off limits, so she can take refuge up there if they are demanding stories etc and not leaving her alone.

Am I over-thinking this? I am an over-thinker! Does it all work out if you are flexible and reasonable?

It all works out if everyone is flexible. I do expect them to help with loading dishwasher etc if they have been part of a meal (unless they are in a rush for some reason or whatever) but only like all the family does, even if it's non-working hours. But not other stuff like laundry or anything like that. Playing with kids in the non-working time is strictly optional, and their room is out of bounds. We don't have a hand-over as such as we often share the after-school stuff (au pair listens to DCs read while I cook, or AP takes DC1 to activity while I look after other DCs etc). The hardest is around 7pm when we may be eating dinner but 'working hours' are finished, but I think that is my anxiety. No complaints yet from this AP or the last!

Our current au pair often hangs out with us when off duty and during that time she plays with the kids, helps lay the table, stacks the dishwasher etc. she behaves as I'd expect any adult to behave if sharing a meal or an afternoon in our home. Shes not so keen on being alone but sonetimes she goes off upstairs. I never ask her to come down and help when off duty (except once when I had to rush one child to A&E and leave the others) but if she chooses to be with us, which she does a lot, then I ask her to do small bits and bobs.

Would it be a good idea to schedule in a couple of reviews in the first month so that you and the AP can have a good chat about how it's working out and air any difficulties.

I think it is reasonable to make clear that when she's off duty she's part of the family, so you would still expect her to help clear the table if she's had a meal with you for example (unless she has to go somewhere), like you would from any older member of the family. She doesn't suddenly become another young child of yours that you do everything for when working hours are over. And if she's watching telly in the living and your DC asks her to read a book, she can say no or she can say yes, but it wouldn't be working if she did read. But like Artichokes, if she went upstairs to her room, then I wouldn't ask her to come down and read, even if the DC wanted her to.

This is all tremendously helpful; thank you! I am feeling really hopeful about this summer. We are trying out having an au pair for 2 months and if all goes well we will seriously think about finding someone for longer, so I am sure we'll be back with more questions...