Eek - CM and Compassionate leave/caring

[codandchipstwice]

My lovely CM's DH (who is also her helper) has just been diagnosed with cancer. She is off today as he is at hospital, and has had a couple of days off in the past fortnight for other hospital appts.

He may need surgery (huge op - long recovery inc learning to eat/talk again) or may not be able to operate and then just chance chemo and radio and hope. She is adamant that things will be as normal, but I just can't see how they can be - seeing as he is her helper as at least half the week they have 8 kids (my 3 plus another 2 are school age so just wrap around care).

My head is spinning, for her, for him and for us. I was thinking of offering to temporarily put my kids in after school club til the summer (they are TTO) to offer them a bit of breathing space, but equally mindful of the fact that the CM is their only income.

Sorry - is a ramble but thoughts/questions;

could one care for a cancer sufferer who is undergoing chemo/radio or recovering from major surgery with so many children in the house? is it fair to anyone?

am I likely to offend if I offer to put the kids elsewhere?

we don't have a contract as it's an informal agreement as she is our neighbour - but the kids are on her books and we sign timesheets/pay using vouchers etc - would there normally be a section that covers compassionate leave?

Anything else you want to suggest?

Thanks

Does the CM have insurance for times like this?

I think you have to put your children first while of course being mindful of treating the CM and her DH with compassion. What a really difficult situation. Maybe see how things go with the caveat that either side can stop care immediately if it isn't working without notice penalties?

I've never cared for anyone with cancer or after a major operation, but I know how tough it is looking after children when their are major stresses in your life and it's really hard. Even caring for a slightly poorly child while managing other children is hard.
I would maybe offer to move the children temporarily until September, on the basis I will move them back if the cm and her DH are in a place to accept them back. Or offer to move them part time, so maybe two or three days a week to the afte school club, so the cm gets a bit of a break, but also keeps some income coming in.

How old are your children? Are they able to tell you how normal things seem at the cms house. Is cm seeming to be more stressed than normal? Or coping well? Are food/activities offered as normal, or have these slipped as cm is worrying about her DH. This would affect my decision. I would want to be fair to cm, but also your children still need a stable child care plan.

Is the childminder going to need more time off to go with home to appointments in which case you will need to find other child care/cover your self. In which case I would offer to move them to after school club till sept so the pressure is off the cm feeling that they want to be there for their husband but also needing to be at work to look after your children and also so your children and your know who is looking after them and when.

My parents are both child minders and I am sure they would welcome a parent offering this change in this situation.

My dad had cancer, and in answer to your question, I not sure how it's possible to remain normal, or even possible to care for children in the home. Even if this mans operation is a success (here's hoping!) he will need time to recover in a peaceful stress free environment-with his wife at his side.

I'm not sure how her insurance would help her financially- or even if she would receive any money from her national insurance contributions, as it's her husband and not her.

when I was off for my dad,my parents discussed amongst themselves about paying me 50% of my wages until I returned back to work. This was very kind of them, and unexpected. I wouldn't suggest you do the same, but when you have the stress of cancer it's nice to not have to worry about anything else!

Sorry that's not very helpful!x

Everyone is diff. Chemo hit my mum very hard and was so poorly and tbh was times I thought she may die as kidneys failed / so dehydrated even on drips as so sick

6mths after chemo she is still recovering tho a lot stronger and on the road to recovery

Otherd in her group still worked

Honestly I don't think she could care for children and work

She may have help of family members and friends for her husband while he's recovering. She may even take on another assistant to help her childmind if she needs it. It is her only income so I would be very careful about taking the children and reducing her income. If your children are at school then it's only a couple hours a day she'd need to spend away from her husband. That is manageable. 8 school age children is manageable as well ... I used to have 10 some days when I childminded and coped ok.

She may well welcome the distraction too!! Try have a conversation with her- it's not like she has to look after toddlers all day long!
Best of luck x

Thanks all, some interesting perspectives. she does also look after at least 2 our 3 others to from 1 up who are full days.

I think I'm going to wait for the results and then offer to put kids in after school club until the summer hols to then reassess.

Thanks again