Au-Pair seeking host parents perspective.

[mynameisHANNAH]

I hope you don't mind me writing on here. I would like to start by saying I love my host family and this definitely isn't a pity party. I've been an aupair before and I'm just in a different set up and would like an opinion from a host parent about it.
I am an aupair in Germany, here you are only supposed to work 30 hours a week. I was wondering what you count as on duty hours? The mum is a pilot so I will often be with the kids for 2-3 days while she is flying. When she is around I should generally be too, as the kids spend a lot of time in my room I don't get any time to myself apart from the 5 hours they're at school during the day or on the rare occasion they go to their dad's house. To me it feels like I am working more than 30 hours a week, but only because I don't have 138 hours to do with what I want. When the host mum is home, I don't have to do much, just play with the children for a few hours, occasionally I'll be asked to make them food, put the kids to bed or do some laundry, other than that most days I just generally need to be on hand incase they need anything. Do these count as duty hours? Or just part of being involved in the family? The host mum has said that if I ever have an appointment or want to go out that I should just let her know so she can make sure she is available to look after the kids.
In my previous jobs it was always clear what time off was, I.e every Saturday was a free day and if I wanted to spend it in my room by myself this was fine because the host family liked this time to themselves too. I've only been here a few weeks and I haven't been given a work contract, so I will have to ask for one, just I don't know how to bring it up diplomatically.

I do not know a lot about aupairs but "as the kids spend a lot of time in my room" that bit does not sound good. Why are the kids in your room? Why is that not a place which is out of bounds to the children?

Being a part of the family is one thing but having the kids coming into your room sounds wrong to me, you have no place to go to get some time to yourself.

play with the children for a few hours - that could be duty hours if it is something you HAVE to do. If it is more a case of something you are doing as part of the family, then it isn't duty hours.

do some laundry - you would be doing your own anyway, as part of the family you would help out by doing things like that. Suppose it comes down again to if it is something you HAVE to do, vs something you are doing to be helpful.

Your key duty hours I would have thought would be the time that you are in sole charge of the children, when mum is away. You are not able to do other things at those times.

It's a difficult one and I'm not really sure how you could broach the subject except to perhaps ask for a roster of some kind just to clarify things.

I work shifts and we have a year planner pinned to the wall. The days are shaded in different colours depending on when our AuPair is working. She then knows that she can safely plan to do things during her free time without having to ask first. It also means that she has scope to do ad hoc things in her time off too (eg go for a bike ride or meet friends) without the fear that I'm going to need her.

Also the bedroom issue needs to be addressed. Our children are not allowed in APs room unless she expressly says it's ok. This can sometimes be a bit tricky as our 2 yearold often lets himself in but I always make a point of checking that's ok with her. Our golden rule is that no one bothers her if her door is closed though (even said 2 year old!).

I hope this gives you some ideas for things you can suggest...

Also meant to say that if she's rostered to work and I'm home and don't need her I clearly tell her that she now has free time. Hth

It sounds like you are working a lot of hours. I definitely think you should mention it it. Just ask for clarification of your hours and ask that you are paid extra for hours over your normal week (30 hours?).
I imagine that the work is often not that hard but if you have to be there then it IS work. If you are required to be 'on hand' you are at work.

Are you paid a basic au pair rate or are you paid extra. What about extras? Like gym membership or whatever.

You really need to address this matter with your host. She may be relying on your compliant personality to get you to work extra hours.

Do you do anything outside the house? Can you start going out more. If you are hanging around doing nothing then she may not think you mind.

Your arrangement sounds grim; I could not cope with the bedroom thing at all and having no dedicated private time.

This doesn't sound like an Au Pair job. It sounds more like a full-time Nanny (especially when she is working and away). The rest is something a Nanny wouldn't put up with.

In my understanding Au Pairs provide cheap household/child help in return for board, lodging and pocket money. They are also expected to have educational opportunities, traditionally language classes.

German's tend to be quite direct. So I would openly tell her what things you have problems with. Probably: too many hours effectively working, children in your room, no time for your own activities, and extra pay for hours above your core ones. I would be also concerned that you are being left in sole charge of the children whilst she is away, which seems too much responsibility for an Au Pair.

I agree you need to be direct and also you should start going out/doing things. As an AP in Germany I think you have to be doing a language course so make a point of organizing that.

Sit down with your host mother, a calendar and a daily routine. Find out when she's away and you're supposed to be on duty. Ask what hours she will definitely need you when she is not away. Confirm that the rest of the time is free for you.

If you need to be present (or contactable while they are at school) then you are on duty. Your time is not your own. You may not be actively caring for the children but still need to be present on call, and the more you're there and on call the more you will be expected to do - as you're discovering!

The contract is a good starting pint and then you can work the timetable from that.

Thank you all for your input! I mentioned in passing about the contract this morning, and she said she will print it out for me, I guess when she does this will be a good time to discuss hours.
I am happy to know that I was right about what duty hours are.

I hope the contract is ok and that you get a chance to discuss everything. Perhaps you might want to write down everything you wish to discuss with her. Don't let her be too vague or things will end up going in her favour again.

You need defined time off. If you are required to be in the house then you are on duty. I would not dream of telling my au pair that her non duty hours had to be spent in the house in case I felt I needed her. I hope your talk goes well.