Advice needed concerning work hours for au pair

[Aupairgirl]

Hi everyone!
I've been working as an au pair for this really great family in London for 8 months now. However, I recently I've been feeling they have been "abusing" my time and willingness more and more. By that I mean that I used to work one little hour in the morning, dropping the child off at school. Then I would pick her up at around 3pm, sometimes along with another child that I also babysit for a different family, who would arrive some time between 4pm and 6pm most days. My host parents would be home around 7pm, which is the part of our deal that they would, and occasionally I would have to babysit until later. It has always been like that, but this is where it gets tricky.
I've never really complained whenever they said that they would come home late, even if I would just get the text as late as at 6pm. It used to be 1-2 nights a week, and I would just like to clarify that we never agreed on that I should be babysitting at nights before I got hired. Now, it has gotten to the point where I have to babysit 3-4 nights a week instead and it has really started to get under my skin. One of the things that bothers me the most is that it is not always work related. Sometimes the parents go out for dinner by themselves, out for a movie, going to gym, or seeing friends. Of course I understand that they should able to do that once in a while, but I would just like them to take my work hours into consideration. I know that I can do whatever I want when I have put the child to bed at around 8-9pm, but I'm still on duty. A few days ago, the father was in another country and the mother had to go to an event, so she can home very late. The child was coughing a lot that night, so I had to get up at 1am, because I was the only one home to take care of her.
What do I do exactly? I would like to confront them without sounding lazy or anything, but what is the best way to do it? I just don't think they are being completely fair and it has really started getting on my nerves, but on the other side, I'm not sure if they are noticing my distress.
Also, another thing I would like to talk with them about: school holidays. This year I have had 5 weeks unpaid holidays so far, which is of course nice, but I also have to work full time some weeks, because the parents have to work, which I understand completely. However, my salary is exactly the same, even if I work from 8am to 7-8pm - and again, sometimes they come home late. I don't expect extra money for working overtime usually and they give me the same amount of money even if I have worked less than usual that week - so that sort of balances it out. But 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, shouldn't I get paid a little more than usual?

I would just like to point out that I think they are a lovely family and I have been lucky, but this is starting to get too much. Sorry for my rant.

Are you really an au pair? I partly wonder as au pair's aren't eligible for the minimum wage, but you don't sound like an au pair to me. Are you in the UK and from the UK? If you aren't an au pair, then I think other employment laws also apply (e.g. right to paid holiday), but I am no expert.

You look to be working 1 hour in the morning and 4 in the evening 5 days a week - so 20 hours a week. Au pairs usually work 25-35 hours per week with 35 being an "au pair plus" and attracting a higher wage.

I think that your family is taking the piss massively.

I think you should ask for a review, to clarify/agree:

1. Hours of work - and I suggest you get the babysitting into this clarification and perhaps lock down what hours you b-sit. We have an au pair and she b-sits on two set days each week. Sometimes I ask to swap days, but she is free to decline the requested swap.

1. Pay - as you have not mentioned what you are paid, I cannot comment on whether I think it is reasonable.

1. I think you said there is one child who is in school full time. So, I'm not sure how you calculated 12 hour days. Are there 12 hours of work outside the school hours each day?

Also, I just want to point out that allowing you to babysit someone else's child in their home (which I assume other parents pay you for) is actually quite generous of them. So you might wish to include this income when you consider how much your current situation pays you.

Regarding holidays, I personally give them to our au pair as paid (4 weeks plus bank holidays). But, I'm not sure this is actually required.

The 12 hour days are during the school holidays.

Thank you for your responses. :-)

I forgot to mention that on Wednesdays, I have to pick up the child from school at 1pm.

SueDNim: I'm a live-in au pair, who's from Scandinavia.
Strix: I earn £90 a week, which is definitely reasonable. I'm a "share au pair", so I don't get any extra income for babysitting another family's child. It was a deal that the families made while hiring me. Also, I pay my own phone bill and transport - oyster and plane tickets. And just like SueDNim said, the 12 hours days are during school holidays. However, I don't think that paid holidays are a requirement. I have some au pair friends who gets paid holidays, but I also have a lot who doesn't.

What is the best way of approaching this kind of problem with my host family? I don't want to sound ungrateful, and maybe I'm actually forgetting or just don't realize something else that makes it fair or unfair for them.

£90 a week is okay for a standard au pair job. But I would expect transportation and a mobile phone (at least a contribution to monthly top up) to be thrown in as well. And I would expect the hours not to exceed 40-45. Any additional hours should have a set hourly fee (say £6 per hour).

You are underpaid.

I thought you might be from the UK because of your excellent English, but actually your English is better than most native English speakers.

This looks like a reasonable guide. So at £90 you should be working about 30 hours.

So during term time that would be 22 hours (1 hour each am, 4 each pm, plus an extra 2 on Wednesdays) plus perhaps 2 evenings of 4 hours each. The link I posted suggested 2 evenings of babysitting.

I do think that some of your conditions seem unreasonable (this is my opinion, I'm no expert):

1. Too many nights babysitting. If you agree to more than 2 nights then you should be getting an hourly wage.

1. Lack of notice for evenings. The odd emergency might be ok, but you should be able to make plans for your own evenings and know in advance when you need to be available to work.

1. I think the au pair share arrangement is odd. I haven't heard of it before and I personally think it is taking the piss massively. The families have an incredible bargain.

1. Hours during the school holidays. If you agree to work over your standard 30 hours then you should be paid an hourly rate for the additional hours. Otherwise they should be looking for a holiday club or something to cover the excess hours.

I think you are being exploited. £90 a week for all those hours is peanuts. Expecting you to work full days during holidays is obnoxious of them - this is not the type of thing a 'lovely family' would do.

Are you asked to do other chores?

How about asking for clarification of your working conditions. If that is awkward or unforthcoming can you start having things to do in the evening. They are relying on you being to embarrassed to do anything about this. If they can afford trips to the movies, gym memberships and meals out they can afford to pay you more than the pittance you are getting.

Any hours over what you have agreed should be paid at a proper babysitting rate. My DDs get £7 an hour before 12 and £10 an hour after midnight.

SueDNim it's not 22 hours. It's 27 hours. 1 hour in the morning and 4 hours in the evening is 5 hours. 5 hours times 5 days is 25 plus the two extra hours on a Wednesday.

OP I agree with the other posters. You need to have a chat with your host family and agree working hours, maybe 2 nights babysitting? With a week advance notice? And if they want you to babysit any extra and you are happy to, then agree a set hourly rate.

As for school holidays, I think you should also agree a set hours. Maybe 30 hours for your weekly wage? Anything extra should be hourly rate. They are getting a bargain as it is!

Good luck

What is a "share au pair" ? That sounds unusual.

Have you started to look for other jobs? Once you are in a job where you are unhappy, do you really want to stay? Do you have any kind of formal agreement which says how much notice you or them have to give to end the agreement?

Sorry, yes, my maths is crap.

I'm beginning to want an au pair, just because I think I could be a reasonable employer.

I don't think you are being exploited and I don't agree that you should be asked a week in advance to babysit after all, you are living in their household, and that is part of being an au pair. Is there just one child to look after who's full time, bar Wednesday, at school? I take it you are expected to cook for yourself and the child every night.

Did you get employed through an agency? If so they will give you best advice on what is reasonable.

I think you are underpaid, but I would not say "exploited". Looking after one school aged child is pretty easy work. I am going to guess you came with little or no childcare/au pair experience. So one thing you are getting out of this job is the experience you need to get a better one. And as you are 8 months into it, I would suggest you approach this with the idea of renegotiation at the one year mark -- whether with this family or with another one.

I don't see a problem with looking after another child as well as part of the deal. My au pairs and nannies have always offered to look after other peoples children for additional pay. They have done this largely whilst they also look after mine and with my consent. It's never been a formal arrangement but has been similar to your situation in practice.

But there is no additional pay in this case.

Ha ha SueDNim I was checking because I was starting to doubt my own maths! It's not my strongest point either!

To be honest what is probably grinding you down is the lack if respect and feeling unable to have your own life or make plans, and that's fair. The actual details of the job - before/after school and Wednesdays and babysitting are fine. As for looking after another child do that family contribute to your pay? There is no such thing as a shared au pair. You are technically a nanny for the family you don't live with and they gets complicated for tax etc. if you're doing it as a favour then it's annoying if it's been added on without asking you but reasonable if you knew already. 2 children are often easier to use than 1.

So really you need to have a chat and say you're feeling a little taken advantage of, the spur of the moment babysits mean you can't plan to see friends or do cultural activities and you don't want this to ruin an otherwise good arrangement.