Is he right to be concerned?

[spacetravel]

Dh is worried about our nanny. She looks after pfb, who is 9 months old, three 7 hr days a week (11 til 6). I am back at work but this also coincides with Dh working a bit less so being around the house more. He works from home and is often in with ds and the nanny at lunch time.

He says ds is more moany with her than normal, and more upset in the evenings. He does get white emotional after the nanny has left but l think he's just excited to see us, and quite tired at the same time. Also, he is 9 months old, not crawling yet but getting more demanding, so he does tend to moan a bit.

I am loving a bit more freedom tbh and feel very guilty about that. So can't tell if this is all normal or if I just want it to be. Ds seems as happy as Larry today (non nanny day, but he doesn't know that!). He is up at 5 every morning so has 6 hours with me before she arrives.

Separation anxiety stage so maybe he is being more cautious of those he does not see every day. Does DH see him whilst nanny is working? Is that confusing for DS... daddy is here but not giving me attention.

Is DS bored? Do they spend all afternoon at home, or do they go out and about? Children can get rather cross at being unable to move around on their own around that age. Once they get the idea of crawling, bum shuffling, or walking holding on to things, they seem happier.

I think ds is just at a moany stage. They go out for walks in the buggy and to have picnics in the park and to the library, so he might be spending too much time in the pram. But whenever I've seen him with the nanny he sea really engaged - she reads and sings and plays with him. He doesn't eat a lot so meal times can be quite moany

Up at 5???? Hope he has a sleep by 8/9am or be very tired (moany)

Personally I find meal times a nightmare if parents are there - children play up from an early age / tho 9mths may be a tad young

It's hard having a parent around as never know so they want to spend time with them or let the nanny get on with it

9mths can be clingy age so maybe gets moany as sees daddy and wants him - but if out of sight then out of mind iyswim

Are you happy with your nannies care?

Do they do much art? Are there any little clubs in the afternoon?

It does sound as if she has the grumpy shift. After getting up at 5 I would expect children to be gumpy and tired by 11 onwards. He probably does need more sleep.

There are no clubs round here (we are not in the uk) and because Dh is working from the living room the nanny tends to go out. Perhaps I should suggest some art activities. I've never done any with him - what can a 9 month old do?

Art, for a ninemonth old? Unless eating paint is classed as art, thats more than a little ambitious.

Is he still having 2 naps a day? Is DH visible & around whilst nanny is there - at 9 mths this must be very confusing for DS.

new nanny, dad in the house (or being out all day to avoid him) & morning waking time, I'm not surprised LO is unsettled BUT if you are in any way concerned about the care being offered then of course address it immediately.

Paint with water! Finger painting - very very messy. sculpture - well model with clay/play doh.

Actually I'd hate to be your Nanny if Dad is working in the living room and LO gets up at 5. I assumed at least an office. No wonder LO is grumpy, he needs a nap/quiet but there is no space for either her or him.

Yeah, the working situation with Dh is a nightmare tbh.

Ds naps at 9.30 and at 2 for an hour or an hour and a half each time. Nanny arrives at 11 so he has just woken up from a nap and is in a good mood. She takes him to the library and then they are home for lunch. Then they go out for a walk for his afternoon nap, and to play in the park in the afternoon, and they come back between 3 and 5, depending on the weather, ds' mood etc.

I would rather Dh was not working at home but we have no choice so that's all we can do. Ds has his meals in the kitchen which is a separate room so not necessarily with Dh, but Dh can hear.

Personally, I feel happy with everything and feel like Dh just doesn't understand babies and their moods (sometimes ds eats 3 meals a day, for example, then the next day he might refuse all food or just play with it). But at the same time I don't know whether my thoughts are coloured by the fact that I'm loving the freedom of some time away from childcare

I guess I don't really know what a warning sign would be - how do j know ds is not bored when I'm not there? How do I know they really do go to the park etc? How would I even know if there was something wrong ? It used to just be me looking after ds - now it's Dh and the nanny too. I'm pleased not to do so much but I guess it's strange to let go.

I think you just need a nanny diary - so an A5 book that she can write things she does every day. I'm quite crafty and I didn't do much before 12 months with mine.

One activity is more than enough per day - gymboree or a toddler group.

I've three children and at 9 months old they still like watching - trains are great, my nanny used to get the train to the farm at holders hill to see the cows. Everything is fascinating at that stage.

Maybe your DH just needs a day by himself with your DS so he can appreciate what a 9 onto old child is like.
My DH was useless with Dc1, okay with DC2 and amazing with DC3.

can dh take lappy and go to local starbucks/costa and work there, i know some boss's that do this

or upstairs in bedroom

bang in the living room is a nightmare

"More moany than normal?" I think when you referred to your baby as "pfb" you may have hit the nail on the head. Your DH is disproportionately worried about this, and you probably are too since it prompted you to start this thread.

Really, babies do moan. They are just like that. It's a normal and healthy part of development.

From experience of this set up very recently - it is almost impossible to look after a baby/child with a parent in the same room! It is extremely confusing for the them , not to mention how frustrating it is as a nanny, when you have just got them engaged and playing when in walks a parent to disrupt it all again..back to square one!

Think it would be helpful if DH went to another room or out for a least some of the time, this would then give your baby an opportunity to bond with the nanny on a one - one basis.

And , yes babies do moan from time to time. Could he be teething?

blondes Dh has a back condition so needs his special chair. Believe me, I have tried everything to get him out of the house!

strix I think you have hit the nail on the head. In fact, one if the things about Dh being at home to much is that he is less used to being around ds so worries about everything.

I guess I should go with my instinct, which says that everything is fine.

What about

Breakfast with daddy, has nap, gets up and daddy is not there before nanny turns up. Daddy stays away working until he is ready to take over the care. Point is daddy and nanny aren't both there together.

ok, then can the special chair be in your bedroom and work up there?

it really is hard to work as a nanny if the parents are working in the same room

or come in at 11, have a play, do lunch, assume has a sleep 1/3ish and then maybe go out to park/walk/see a friend etc and back for tea

meal times dh to be quiet in other room

Your DS is at an age where he is frustrated (moans) because he can't physically yet do what he wants. He may be tired (so moans), bored (moans), wanting daddy or mummy (moans)...

Do DS and nanny speak the same language? Because if his understanding of it isn't great or it's just plain unfamiliar that may frustrate/tire him. So he'll moan.

Really it's pretty usual for babies this age because their feelings are way ahead of their communicative abilities :) so I don't think there's a problem especially as she seems caring and engaged.

As a nanny I have no problem at all with parents working from home. On the same floor- no worries. In the same room? Very difficult!!
I would want to be spending most of my time out of the home. Simply because children generally want their parents more than nanny (as they should!) It's difficult to keep saying no, and trying to redirect attention.
Can she take toys upstairs? So she is in the kitchen for messy play/eating and bedroom for playing?

Thanks for all your replies. It is a very small, one bedroom flat and there simply isn't a solution to the work problem. I agree about it not being a good idea, and the nanny and i both agree she should take ds out as much as possible - she goes to the library, cafes, walks, museums. But she is at home for lunch, which they eat in a separate room to Dh.

I think the issue is basically between me and Dh, about what is 'normal' behaviour for ds. It taps into a more generally worry about how to tell what happens when you're not there (ie when nanny and ds are alone). My gut tells me that ds's behaviour is normal and the nanny is really good. But Dh is worried and I don't know whether or not to trust him.

Oh sorry - I name changed and forgot!