Childminder with parent trouble!

[mummybunny]

I have been a childminder for donkeys years and it a career which I have enjoyed very much indeed.

A year or so ago, I took on a little boy full time with profound medical difficulties. His mum had recently been left my her partner and has understandibly over the last few months been quite depressed on and off. I have been utterly supportive of mum, I have bent over backwards to help her and have on many occasions kept the little boy at weekends (Without charging her) to give her a break. My husband and I have also done 101 other things to help them because we were genuinely concerned.

The problem is, she has become more and more dependant on us. We were happy to help but now mum is becoming quite manipulative. Recently she asked me if I could keep the little boy for a couple of days and I said that I could not, due to commitments with my own children. Mum then became quite manipulative and tried to put pressure onto me to keep him. Mum also keeps on turning up at my house in tears, which alarms the other children, stays for ages after collecting and treats me as her best friend, which I am not! All this is making me feel very low and worried. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place because I want to protect the child, but the cost to myself and my family is increasingly large. The local Health Visitors are aware of this familys sitution.
Any ideas?
Maxine

No sensible advice sorry - but didn't want to ignore this. I'm sure someone else will be along soon.

I'd be tempted to get onto her HV again.

This sounds really difficult - I think you need to get some advice about how you wean her off you. Can her HV help by suggesting some other sources of support, such as Homestart? Could you encourage her to visit her doctor in case she's clinically depressed?

how come we c/m alway get caught up in familys with our own familys in the middle
i am always doing favours for my parents and bending over backwards but the more i do the more they want
just booked two weeks off (first break since christmas) one parents says to me she cant find anybody for her child and i'm temped to just look after him as i'm not going away but dh is much harder and reminds me she has had a year to sort it out but i do feel guilty
you sound like your caught up in this family and its hard to break away poor you

Yes, its so hard to get a balance. I often feel that CMs are often slated in the media these days but I feel that very few people have a clear idea of the realities of the job. It isnt that I dont enjoy it, it is just that parents (and this one in particular) can often put so much of a burden onto me. Of course, I am being paid to do a profesional job, but I could really do without the additional stress that I get outside of work. My mindies and their families are special and important to me, and of course I would (And often do) offer them support and care when needed, but I feel that often inconsiderate and selfish demands are made of me, and therefore my family. Its as if my family are unimportant sometimes - when I am working I try to give 100%, but at home time I then want to love my own family, not be stressed with other peoples problems night after night.

p.s
DMO you need and have earned that holiday with your loved ones! Please dont give in!

i wont its a good job i have dh
take your own advice mummybunny
you are very good to have the child at weekends i too have done this
were too soft