Nanny not doing as required.....help.....

[CarlyP]

ok, we hired our nanny in october, she worked at the prescool and had jsut finished her cache training, crb checked etc.

she was ok, and good at times, but about once a month i was kicking her up the bum a bit.

we got a contract etc (standard nanny one) and added an appendix to it. in this appendix it states:

i) Getting them dressed in suitable clothing for the weather
ii) Changing nappies when required
iii) Taking them to the park, play group and arranging play dates, including visits to the local library
iv) Tidying the playroom, including wiping down the toys and shelves when needed
v) Getting them involved in physical activities i.e. Watching boogie beebies dvd once a day on the same episode for a week and encouraging them to do the moves by doing them your self. Playing chase in the garden and encouraging throwing and catching of balls/frisbee
vi) Encouraging reading and writing and speech skills i.e. reading, talking to them about what you are doing and why, using ?flashcards? which animals, numbers, colours on etc, showing them objects and getting them to repeat the words to you
vii) ?Themes? for each week and activities planned around that. I.e. ?Leaves? you could go and collect leaves of different colours, sizes, shapes etc over the week and put them in a big pot and then do some ?sticking? with them at the end of the week. ?Blue? Find lots of blue objects and talk about what around us is blue etc. Draw a picture to summarise at the end of the week. ?Cars? collect and draw items from toy cars etc, put them in a big ?pot? to collect and then at the end of the week make a collage
viii) Planning trips for the week, maybe once a week/fortnight to somewhere interesting for them. Plan you route, take the bus etc. (Farm, pets corner, adventure area, soft play area)
ix) Fill in the ?children?s? diary with events from the day, and notes of sleep times and any other relevant information

out of all that she has never:

arranged a play date or taken them to the library
wipeed down the toys and shelves in playroom
encouraged throwing/catching
only done a 'theme' once
Taken them into town to play area twice and pets corner once
filled out diary for about a week.

im fed up of chats with her.........she annoys me and tbh i want out. i keep giving her chances, but she is not taking them. the boys like her and she is nice to them, but i feel they watch to much tv, and she sits and lets them play (no interaction from her).

i know its the verbal, written and then sacking route. but ive talked to her so many times, and wouldnt know what to include in the written warning and she really wouldnt know why id given her it.....seriously, she is not v v bright.

HELP ME.........what do i do???

Happymumof2,

all annies have to start somewhere, if they enver get a first job, how do they get experience.

she uses themes for their scrapbooks, i.e. cars one week, leaves etc the next. its good for the boys and good that she can plan things, helps be motivated.

as far as what she costs, nurseries around here are £40 per day, fo 2 children 4 days a week thats £1386 per month, and im not keen on the whole nursery thing tbh (from experience it didnt work for us). i like the boys being looked after at home. and after her tax, ni and our employers ni, we are hardly any better off than sending them to nursery. but its our preference.

i dont agree with hours and hours of just playing, i want them toh ave some sort of structure, others may not agree, but everyones different.

I'm a sahm & your kids have alot to do in the day. All kids are different. Anyhow could you ask her to note down what she does & then compare to what you want to happen. For the days & trips out it's alot of responsibility & perhaps out of respect to this she is more cautious. Could you do some trips out with them. Sounds like you have a great nanny forming here - you will make this happen.

I thing the theme thing for scrapbooks is a nice idea. I might pass that along to my nanny. hmmm....

If you find yourself in aplace where you need to do the outings because the nanny is unable or unwilling then it is time to get a new nanny. But, I don't think you have reached that place yet. Because she is young (and you presumably pay a bit less than a more experienced nanny) you can expect to be more invovled with managing her and even a bit of training her, but you most certainly an expect her to fulfill her contractual obligations. I don't hink 18 is too young to hold down a full time job.

i think you routine sounds a bit.....you know who.

you don't agree with hours of playing? that's what children do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think Carly is in need of suggestions/support/contructive criticism. But we seem to be stuck on telling her she is too rigid.

In Carly's own words "i gave her a file with these daily 'suggestions/timings' in and said they were a guide"

So, they are a guide. Only a guide. Can we move on now?

thanks milward and uwila.

she is getting better even in the last week. she took them ont he bus to the town pak, pets corner and then they had lunch out and bus home again last wk and today she is off to the library on the bus again etc. she says she is much happier having a 'guide' of what to do as sometimes she did feel 'at a loss' of knowing how to keep them entertained or get involved in things. next wk she is going to bake cakes with them, just the packet mix ones, but at least she is showing initiative now.

some of you may think its rigid, but if the boys dont have a routine, they go wild. its nice for them to have different things planned and nice for her that she doesnt feel so 'stuck' anymore.

appreciate all your comments, but every parent is different.

i am so pleased with the scrapbook suggestion given on here, the boys and the nanny love doing them, loads of fun sticking and cutting etc and something to show mummy when i get home.

p.s. alexsmilitantmum, they do play, lots, all day, but with a routine so they dont get bored etc. and it may sound a bit 'you know who' but i dont dispise 'you know who' like lots do. i can see her point, but everything in moderation!

I used to keep a daily dairy, it has space fo sleep, meals and naps.

At the beginning of each month I'd discuss with my nanny what his routine was: ie no morning nap this month but early lunch at 11am and down for a a lunchtime nap at 12pm.

I took the step of signing him up for toddler groups etc and would go with him the first time myself to check it out then hand over to her.

I also used to give a daily limit for TV.

She would fill in the gaps between his meals etc in the diary, so;
morning: 'went to park, played with football, played on climbing frame'
lunch: detail of what he ate and what his mood was like (ate 3/4 but had to be coaxed into eating)
nap: time he went to sleep and woke up, (had full nappy when woke up/ woke up early by loud doorbell ringing/had to be woken and still very sleepy at 2.30pm)
afternoon: went to library to change books, practised walking/ climbing stairs at home,

I haven't read whole thread but first of all wanted to ask you why you have employed someone who you feel isn't terribly bright, to have sole charge of your children?

I then saw a comment saying "with this age of children a nanny doesn't need a great intellect."

I am really surprised by this attitude and don't agree, at all. I was a nanny for 10 years and found it extremely mentally challenging - I don't get why people would leave their children with someone who they think / know is bascially a bit thick.

'I don't get why people would leave their children with someone who they think / know is bascially a bit thick. '

Maybe b/c they feel they won't have to pay as much as for someone else?

Sometimes you don't realise they are abit lacking in the wisdom depsrtment until you already have a signed employment contract. And as an employer, in my opinion, you have a duty to put some effort into making it work and providing some extra management/training before you send her packing and put your kids through yet another childcare turnover. And this is what CarlyP is doing... at least I think it is from what I've read on this thread.

Uwila, Thank you.

I wasnt to aware of her 'intellect' from the interview, recommendations and other chats we had with her. she seemed very happy and wanted to be a nanny, studied it at college with work exp and recommendations from the pre-school etc.

and she is a lovely girl. she could do with a bit more 'va-va-voom'!!! and confidence, but that is what i am trying to help her with. she could be a fab fab fab nanny, she just needs a bit of help.

and i am not prepared to let her go without knowing ive tried my best, 110% to give her a fair chance.

in regards to the money side, i could get a childminder ALOT cheaper than what I pay her. Pay has very little to do with it, you could employ someone for £3k a month and they could still be useless.....

Fair enough, CarlyP

I hope it works out. From your OP I did feel you were asking an awful lot of her with the themes etc, but stuff like going to the park and library should be weekly events IMO. I would work out what you are prepared to compromise on (ie does it really matter if your children are not doing themed activities, if they are having fun with someone they like?) and what is, to you, essential.

I would rewrite the contract to reflect your new essentials, discuss it with her, and ask her to tell you there and then if she feels she will not be able to fulfill the terms, as you will be reviewing it regularly.

Carly,

You come across as a person who deeply cares what her children are doing, and that her nanny is happy.
My kids thrive on routines-they know what to expect- but their routine is just a guideline.
We had the sole charge experience, and there was an inordinate amount of freestyle painting and precious little learning. Just wasn't for us, and drove me nuts.

I think I expect much the same as you from from our very young nanny.
Her job is a parnership where she supports our expectations for the kids.
I am home a lot at present, so am around to offer guidance, help and an extra pair of hands.
She is coming along brilliantly, I am also learning from her (patience, child development theories)

Thank you Madchad, its nice to know someone else feels the same.

I am really trying hard to do the best thing for my boys and for my nanny.

cx

Actually, before I read your post I thought I was the only one who felt like that.
I find 'free range ' very hard to do.

Your nanny is fortunate as you care about her growth as a nanny - good going carlyp. All your help and support will really help her - not allowing her to fall into her comfort zone but chanllenging her to do new things will benefit her and your kids.

THANKS MILWARD

Madchad, i know what you mean!!!

carlyP, hats off to you - you have tried so very hard with this nanny. What you do want the nanny to do with your children is for you to dictate. If you are the sort of person with the energy for all these activities and you know your sons will enjoy them, then it is within your rights to suggest them to your nanny. I personally am a bit lazy (I would make a terrible nanny for you!) and would be happy with one specified outside activity a day and lots of unstructured mucking around time at home.

I do understand about the lack of "va-va-voom". I have never employed a nanny but I have worked with a lot of trainees in my company fresh out of university. You can tell the ones with initiative right off the bat, as contrasted with to the dozy ones. It is question of attitude and with the dozy ones, you have to push and prod and push again, and again. If they were meant to improve ie due to inexperience, it should happen without too much effort. Some people might like to control, but I personally do not have the appetite to be Big Brother for months and months on end. It is the wrong fit and the sooner they move on, the better for both.

I agree with frogs.

We had a nanny short of va va voom and found that what worked was signing up for crechendo or other classes where we pay in advance; nanny would need to explain why she had not gone, as opposed to the pay per drop in sessions she never quite got round to going to. Also she seemed to manage to go, no bother, and made friends there.

I agree with the limits on TV too, and specifying DVDs

Ds2 is used tagging along to DS1's classes, we pick ones where they welcome families if we can but if we can't - crechendo for instance - he just goes and has fun.

thanks fridays child. will take a look at classes. she went to library with them, een managed to run through town to the toilets with him and buggy!

only prob was..........he left one fo the books out in the rain...but that was my fault, not hers! so thing seemt to be improving!

T he one thing that strikes me reading this is that some of the activities you have planned (siuch a flashcards/jigsaws) seem to be scheduled for quite a long period for such little children. An hour of cutting and pasting picutres and an hour of chalking and playing with letters seems very long for a 20 month old and a 2.5 year old. When we have our "lovely girl" in to help we sometimes do baking or some soort of structured activity and I find that whilst my 4 year old will (obviously) engage in the whole thing my 1.5 year old might to a bit of stirring then wander off. Something like chalking would last longer, but we're talking 10 minutes at the most (and then half of its on the walls).

They can however happily pass long periods in parks, or running around pplaying outside. The extent to which children of this age will engage in something adult directed is going to be very low.

If you ask your nanny to do something that's unrelaistic she's just going to lose heart, - I suspect her confidence is already quite low- hence the lack of va va voom, so I would definitely explain to her that you don't expect her to be able to hold the attention of a 1.5 year old for an hour, and that yuou would expect him to wander off.

Another thing you could do is video yourself doing some of these activities to show rthe anny what you expect. I always show any new person working with ds1 a video of ds1 working with a previous therapist, and with me so they get an idea of how to work with him, and what the whole set up would look like. Think it can be a case of a picture being worth a thousand words. Esepcailly the things like letter stuff, and flashcards because tbh - apart from severely autistic ds1 who was into letters at t a very young age and would sit transfixed wiith them, I wouldn't have the faintest idea how to introduce my other 2 to them at the ages you're talking about. If you showed me a video of you doing it though then I would be more than happy to copy you. That might be helpful for the nanny.

hi jimjams2,

i dont expect them to sit there for an hour. however, its something to start at that time, and they can wnder off etc, as they do with me! its a 'guide' so she doesnt just plod!

would still recomend the video- best way of getting peeople who have never worked with a child like ds1 before tro understand what is expected of them. They've all said it was very helpful to see as well. Much easier to model something visual than accept that a "guide" of an hour means you're happy wioth a few minutes then a wander off. if she sees you on the video then she just has to copy that.

Blimey.
Staggering read!