Crying my eyes out!

[Poshers]

My childminder of only 2 weeks has said she can't look after my son anymore who is only 3 months old, I am feeling so guilty. She says he is too hard work which I understand but I'm feeling hideous about it :( he only went to her for 6hrs for 2 days a week to give me a break as I am on my own. I am such a shit mother, I can't even look after my own baby & he's such hardwork even a fuckimg professional can't handle him! My father has just come over to take my son for a walk as I am feeling so terrible .... It's not the childminders fault, it's not my sons fault but why oh why does it have to be this hard :((( I can't cope & all I wanted was a break twice a week to do housework & sleep - I'm a total failure

Could you look for a mothers help? So someone who will come into your house,hold the baby if you just need some time away to regather your sanity, and if the baby goes to sleep you can leave her to crack on with the washing/bottles/whatever needs doing and GO TO BED.
I used to remember there was nothing nicer in the world than going back to sleep in the morning after a hellish night knowing that if a baby woke someone else would go to them. And if they didn't my house would be in much better shape than when I dozed off !

Also sent a PM

I think that your CM is to blame. As a CM myself Ive only ever given notice to one child who was being violent to the other children.

You will find the right childcare, and that has to be right for all of you. I think you have had a lucky escape from that CM tbh. if she cant manage your baby then she shouldnt have him.

Where about are you...can i help?

Reiterating what some others have said. Get a cleaner instead, a good cleaner/housekeeper who may prepare some meals? Would the cost be similar to a cm?

Could your dad walk the baby a couple of times a week I the park around nap time? Give you time to clear your head.

I think it also takes a while to adjust to e demands of a baby. So, it is not just that your baby may be demanding, but that your not used to being 'on call' 24/7. This takes a good period of adjustment.

I've had four dcs, it is hard. I don't know how I manage it with my family half a world away. I wish I had always had a cleaner. With a clean house, it is one less major thing to worry about....

i'd try him in a nursery setting.

I am hoping to become a childminder for that sort of age by sept

Coming at it from the other side - as a CM I have had to give notice before for a baby who I thought I could manage but couldn't. It wasn't a reflection on the baby at all - but on my own poor judgement, I thought I could manage the baby's needs and my other children, but it turned out I couldn't and wasn't giving any of the children the standard of care they deserved, and I was dreading work rather than loving it. However I did give it 6 weeks before handing notice, and did also make it clear it was my fault not the baby's!

OP I really sympathise with you. If you go with a CM again, make sure you have loads of settling in sessions and specifically check that they have experience with high needs babies, ask them loads of questions! What other children do they have and how will they manage all their needs? I'd look for one who had older children (age 2.5 or 3 +) who will be more able to play on their own / interact sensibly with the baby, rather than younger 1 yr olds who are still quite dependent.

Otherwise - mother's help might be better, help you with the house and the baby at the same time?

CM's make mistakes! Maybe she thought she could cope but she couldn't. Better to give notice than struggle in not enjoying the job. I'm sorry that she has made you feel so rubbish though.

Try a different one.

OP - this isn't your fault, your son's fault or even the CM's. She'd probably forgotten how demanding a 3mo is as, when you're not in that stage, its easy to forget that they don't, in fact, just sleep but require regular feeds when you have to hold them so can't be making lunch/doing craft/climbing in a soft play frame with your charges and that they may need to be jiggled to sleep when, again, you can't do anything hand's on with your other charges.
Consider if another setting may be better. When DC2 was a baby, I had a 15yo neighbour around for an hour as soon as she got home from school &, depending on what else I'd done or not done that day, she'd empty the dishwasher/hang the washing/cuddle DC2 (a very clingy baby)/play with DC1. I didn't need anyone skilled, I just needed a spare pair of hands.

Sounds like your doing a fab job! Taking important time for yourself. Could you afford to paye an au pAir to help out a bit?

I'm a professional nanny experienced in babies under 2 so if want to talk it out messege me x

Coveredinwheetabix THANK YOU that is actually what really makes sense! Just a spare pair of hands. He is getting better, and I adore him. I'm glad everyone agrees that 3month olds are demanding .... I just thought it was my baby!!

Some babies are much harder work than others. My first born screamed for six months solid and only ever slept for 45 mins at a time. I had family around me and that was the only way I coped. With a demanding baby you need to be able to take some time out to rest and doing so will mean that you have more energy to give your baby the rest of the time. It is certainly not your fault. I now have a second child who is so low maintenance I barely know I have him. I haven't done anything differently second time around, they're just very different children. And if it makes you feel better they grow up and things get a lot easier, my first born demanding baby has now grown up into the most brilliant little two year old that I actually miss him when I put him to bed at night and am often tempted to go and get him up (which I obviously never do!).

hi poshers where do you live?maybe I could help

Poshers put her comment out of
your head. Could have been an excuse maybe she's just been offered a full time role or a more local one and needed 'out'.