Nanny not giving reference from most recent job

[ConcernedintheCity]

Hi there,

We're about to employ a nanny, who worked for over 3 years in her current job.

Initially when we interviewed her she told us that she was available part time (she apparently wanted to remain working with the other family also). We thought about this, and realised that we needed more than part-time help, so offered her a full time position with us. She accepted immediately - we had upped her pay a bit, so it was a good offer for her.

I know it might seem a bit crap to 'poach' a nanny in this way, but these things happen.

I hadn't yet checked her references before making the job offer (silly, I know). She is now saying that she is on 'very bad terms' with the family because they felt let down by her etc. She has basically said that I shouldn't contact them for a reference.

I picked up on negative vibes towards the family when she told me this, which was in contrast to the impression she gave at first interview, where she was telling me how 'flexible' the mum was when it came to hours and days. Obviously, they can't be crazy people, otherwise why stay 3 years in the same job?

Instead she's given me numbers of people she's babysat for a few times etc.

Would this ring alarm bells for you?

OP I'm a bit concerned. Your children ffs. Is this actually a nanny or some glorified babysitter? I can understand your original post in some ways but you seem like you wouldn't even check if you thought all was ok. And again-it's your children. You seem to see this as an inconvenience rather than one if the most important decisions ever. Apologies if I'm wrong but if I'm right then shame on you.

Shame on you, onesleep. Get some perspective. You are seriously projecting.

Absolutely no projection, you daft person. Just genuine bafflement it's her children. Get a grip.

Well i can see It from both sides. I've been nannying now the past 5/6 years. Previously to this I was working in a nursery for nearly two years When I handed my notice in they made my life hell whilst carrying it out. I actually got turnt down from a nanny position because of the bad reference they have me. They had nothing but praise for me whilst there offering me supervisor positions in another nursery etc. So from then I've have never been able to use them. But if you can't get any references from any NANNY employers and just evening babysitting positions which is completely different I would start to look for someone else and learn from your mistake.

Don't be so bloody silly, blueshoes. Any gobshite who would seriously not check a nanny's references because they were asked not to is not fit to be in charge of their own kids; never mind make the decision to hand their care over to someone else.

Where has the OP suggested she's not going to check references?

She's suspicious and confused about the whole thing, understandably, and is asking for other's experiences.

Yerazig
If that is true you could have sued them. You cannot give someone a bad reference if none if the issues you raised cane up during the course of your job with them. How many years ago dud that happen? I do think that people think you can and they do confirm dates of employment then say : call me to people asking for a reference, if there was an issue. But can get into trouble.

I also agree she maybe lied about her reasons for going.

Flogging, calm down. You are extrapolating wildly. OP never said she was not going to check. Get off your daily mail soapbox.

Check the resference with the most recent employer, allow her to moan about how she's handed her notice in and then GRILL her on very specific childcare / trustworthiness / day to day activity type questions. I know it's generally better to ask open questions in this type of situation but she won't be able to deny ability / lie about her actual performance if you ask direct closed questions.

Sometimes when people get to the last stage of a recruitment process and then drop a depth charge, they are hoping for inertia to set in and for the prospective employer to not want the hassle of re-starting the interview process and overlook the clanger.

It is a form of bait-and-switch. Don't give up on chasing down the reference.

It's a difficult one. I would definitely check but just remember there are two sides to every story.
I had a particularly bad nanny experience, where I worked for a family who became increasingly difficult. It got to the point where I had to take time off with stress and was never allowed back after that.
They then gave me a bad reference about a year down the line so I have had to warn future employers that she is likely to give a bad ref. I have lots of other references though so most employers are okay about it. It did lose me that one job though.

What's the worst that could happen if you do contact them?

What's the worst that could happen if you don't?

Easy decision for me.

Having just been through the whole employing a nanny experience, and making a massive mistake the first time round, I would say trust your gut instinct. The other family may have other reasons they are not happy rather than just being left in the lurch. As someone else has already pointed out you do need to know she was at least employed as a nanny for three years.

Would you employ someone at work without checking their references? Who you leave your children with is so important and you really need absolute faith that the person you are leaving them with will do a good job. Good luck, hope it works out.

I would guess that she hasn't told the current employer that she is looking for another job, and doesn't want to give the game away before she has a firm offer from you.

Not sure what's best in these circs - maybe ask her if that is the case?

Yes that would ring alarm bells because maybe that family was us! Our nanny dropped our kids at school on Friday and then did a runner. Moved out of our house and helped herself to lots of food (just realised tonight she took all our coffee!), my Oyster card and our house key. My husband and I were out of London for the day and only found out when the nursery called to say no one had picked our daughter up. Looking back we were mugs because there were lies before and I'm questioning whether the references I emailed were even legit or her using another email address. I realise that we are probably not your nanny's previous family but I would ask to speak to them because it sounds very fishy.

So op have you got the name and addy and phone no of this nannies supposedly current employer

Basically if she doesn't give you the details don't employ her

And halfawife are you saying two days ago your nanny literally left (and stole stuff) your house and didn't even tell you she wasn't picking up your children?

Yes she did and considering she left at 9am (after drop off) she could have texted us or the school to say she would not be picking them up but we didn't find out until noon when the school called and the nanny had turned her phone off. We were shocked and devastated and now very angry and considering legal action but we're not sure where she is. We're also scared that she will be working with children again!

halfawife.. you absolutely have to do somthing!!

Half you have a duty to report that to the DBS. It's neglect.