Concern over MIL and BLW

[babrow13]

Sorry for long post.

I am due to return to work next month 2 days per week and MIL will be looking after DS who will be 11 months. I am concerned that she will be trying to spoon feed DS behind my back as she does not agree with BLW for a variety of reasons.

Me and DH have both made it clear that DS is not spoon fed and MIL had previously seemed to respect our decision. However, the other day I was feeding DS mash, loading the spoon up for him and passing it to him to to feed himself which he does very well. After about 5 spoonfuls he didn't want any more and started to whinge. MIL decided to take over and tried to put the spoon in his mouth in front of me. DS just whacked it away from his face and over the floor it went.

MIL is great with DS and he adores her. I am happy in all other aspects of her care of him but I now have this doubt in my head that our weaning methods are being undermined and she will care for him as she pleases behind my back. Also he has made so much progress with the BLW that I want to continue.

Am I reading too much into it? Has anyone else experienced anything similar and what did you do? Or should I just let her get on with it?

She has seen DS eating whole foods and knows his capabilities but I think she believes he needs some extra help with eating or needs more food. I gave her the Gill Rapley book to read in October and she hasn't read it yet, told DH she wouldn't read that rubbish and it is all just money making. I truly don't mind if she disagrees with it but I want her to read the book so she knows what to do as this method is so alien to her.

Another big concern is that DH is overweight and does not know when he is full up. He eats excessively. DS is a big boy, 98 centile for weight and height from birth to 10 months. I believe DS may have the potential to become overweight as an adult so am keen to install healthy eating habits now. MIL also told me that when DH was a baby she ignored the midwives who told her DS was overweight for his age and claimed they didn't know what they were talking about and that she know what was best for her child!

ah dilemma, all opinions welcome.

I think it can be difficult for the older generation to accept the waste of food.
Is the mess happening at her place or yours?

I'm pretty sure that Rapley makes plenty of money on DVDs, endorsements, talks etc from coining the phrase BLW.

I don't think you need a book to tell you how to blw.

It is fairly obvious.

I ended up blw dc2 and she just ate the food I have her with her hands. I didn't need to buy a book to tell me that.

I don't subscribe to spoon feeding or treats being evil either though. Spoon feeding is not what creates an overweight adult - that is just bad eating and being too sedentary in adulthood.

Dont worry, by 11 months you cannot tell the difference between a BLW baby and a purree spoon fed one, so it will be a none issue.

Patchouli there was very little waste when we did blw - we just gave him small portions of what we were having and he ate what he wanted. If we had been doing spoon-feeding, we would have pureed that and he still would have only eaten as much as he wanted. We weren't doing special separate meals for him.

And babies do make mess. You can start out spoon feeding but at some point they will all take control and start feeding themselves and at that stage they may spill and drop things. Ds never flung his food around. I don't agree that blw is necessarily wasteful or much messier than purees.

Jelly, I agree with you. The mess comes eventually it is just a matter of when! Plus if they feed themselves from a young age they don't become frustrated when you want to stop feeding them. Although I will say that DS makes a helluva mess most meal times

I would think DS breast feeding on demand will cause more potential problems with grandmother if he's with her for two days, than whether she feeds him with a spoon.

Vulgarwatch - DH has tried to talk to her about it, not too much about the overheating side of things as don't want it to seem like we are critical. I was hoping she would pick this up from the book! To our face she seems to respect that parents do things differently, however what will go on behind our backs is a different story. She keeps making blended chicken soup for us every week in the hope I think that we give it to DS, which we do alongside more solid food. I took her to our local soft play and she loved it, they do children's sandwiches there so I will leave her some money to encourage her to buy his lunch there.

Patchouli - it is at our house. Although MIL is fine with mess, she understands baby's will make mess although he is getting much better. Fair point reg money making, didn't think of that but sure money can be made of spoon feeding as well, anabel kamel and the like.

Orangefizz99 - I though the same about the book at first however I did get some useful tips such as the milk feed half hour before feeding and not feeding when tired. Also useful for getting a better understanding of the science behind it, especially around choking. Another concern of MIL, makes a huge fuss when DS gags, not so much now.

I couldn't say that spoon feeding leads to being overweight. I was spoon fed and I am very slim and not a fussy eater at all. DH does a lot of exercise but has to in order to keep the weight off. He does put a lot on over Xmas though.

Runoutofideas - his feeds are much less now with eating solids. Never been a problem leaving him as he will drink formula. Such a happy baby rarely cries, he knows I'm not there and doesn't make a fuss. Luckily job is 5mins drive away and will be doing 6hrs a day. I might need my pump though.

Give me a clue - here's the plan.

I am working term time so I think I might come home at lunch for the first 5 weeks until Easter hols. I can empty breasts and also hopefully MIL will see how good DS eats on his own. I can prep lunches the night before.

After Easter DS will be 1yr so can drop the daytime feeds and can wean him over Easter hols. No need to come home at lunch, DS can have cows milk.

After Easter I will prep lunches, something easy like sandwiches or pasta. I will then just let her get on with it.

If at any point there are any issues with DS weight or eating habits we can address them then. I'm sure all will be fine.

MIL loves to make us homemade cakes that are not too unhealthy. I will just keep emphasing how much DS loves them, which he does, I will also remove junk from the house so hopefully this will discourage her from feeding him any junk.

Thanks everyone for your comments. Really appreciate them.

You have it all worked out it will be fine

I'm sure it'll be fine OP. Sounds like you have come up with a good plan.

Fwiw I don't think blw had been invented when mine were babies (although the middle one refused to be spoon fed and ate everything with his hands - should have written a book about it!) and we managed just fine - they had a mix of purees, mashed stuff and finger foods. I would probably focus on the letting him eat to appetite aspect and not worry too much about the spoon.

Possibly your MIL is feeling a bit nervous about being in sole charge and the possibility of choking? Purée might feel a lot safer to her, partly because it's familiar?

Btw is there any actual evidence to prove blw is better or is it just Rapley's idea?

Hi shoewhore, yes I think this might be part of the problem as well as her thinking DS will fade away. That's why I hoped she would read the book to put her mind at rest.

There is as much evidence for BLW being better as there is for spoon feeding being better, I.e. None!

There is this though, however I believe the reliability of participants has been questioned.

www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/10555503/Spoon-fed-babies-more-likely-to-be-overweight.html

I don't think any method of parenting is generally better, I think it is really about what works best for parents and baby. Unless your parenting is abusive of course in the eyes of the law. I looked into BLW due to seeing LOs of friends with excellent eating skills, the more I looked into it the more it suited us.

I have one that was spoon fed and one that was blw. There is no difference in their eating habits, if I were you I'd just be happy with free childcare tbh

I have the overfeeding worry about my MIL, too. DH is overweight and has a pathologically sweet tooth, and we can both see DD (who was BLW!) might go the same way if her diet is too heavy on the sweets. Even when it's fruit not carrot sticks or cucumer, oh, noooo MIL is following both DC around with it, after lunch, then again only an hour before supper. DS hasn't got that same sweet tooth, but that just makes it even more shocking, the pressure sge puts on him, yo "just have a bit of cake!" His resistance is also in line with FIL's austerity, which, TBH, seems like just another dysfunctional relationship with food!