Childminder concerns - advice much appreciated.

[thewideeyedpea]

Hi,

We have been using a childminder for our 12 month old daughter since the start of January, and have had a few concerns which we would really appreciate some views on.

Our eldest daughter went to nursery, so this is our first experience of using a childminder.

On collecting her on a couple of occasions, I have noticed her clothing, coat, and buggy to be dirty/muddy, the explanation given has been her dogs jumping up at her.

A more serious concern is that on collecting our daughter on one occasion, we witnessed another toddler in her care coming in from the garden with dog mess all over her boots & jeans. This was laughed off, and she said she would change her.

We also have a dog, and cats, but do not let the dog jump up at either of our girls, nor do we let them play in any area that may have dog mess in it.

Should children be playing in an area where dog fouling occurs?

On a different day I collected our daughter and noticed another little boy (approx 3 years) with a marble in his mouth, which the childminder hadn't noticed he had put in there.

In the daily journal our childminder keeps for our daughter, we can see that she seems to spend time through the day socialising with her friends. Either they visit her house, or she goes to other peoples houses (with our child), and names of friends are mentioned who we do not know.

Obviously with our first daughter going to a nursery (rather than a minder), we knew that all adults she came into contact with were checked/vetted, and before she attended any trips out of the nursery we had to give consent.

With the childminder, it feels like the children fit in around her life, rather than her looking after the children for a living in a controlled environment - which we expected.

Is this normal practice for childminders?

Remove your child!
Dogs jumping up at her? !
What if they bite her?
Dog muck containing bacteria left on her, she touches it and then eats!!
The marble could choke the boy.
Am speechless at the childminders attitude.

The dogs should not be jumping up at the children. If they are like this they should be kept apart. Dog mess should be removed from the garden before the children play out there.

Choking hazards should be safely out of reach. This could have been a one off unfortunate incident and she tried to play it down, so she didn't frighten the child, but maybe not.

Some CMs have a good network of friends who can offer additional socialisation for mindees. Personally I would target keep my work and social life separate. I have visited other CMs homes before and the children play together. In this case your CM is still fully responsible for supervision and safety of your child.

Arrange a time for a chat and see what she says about pet care, risk assessments and the people she meets up with.

If you are not happy, leave. If you visit any other CMs they should be able to tell you full details of pet care, safety, outings, etc.

I personally would hate any dogs to be jumping on any of my children. That's a no no. Children should not be playing in a dog foul area.

Seems like the cm is either got too much kids with her and cannot give them the proper attention or she is too busy doing other things. Marble in mouth (oh dear no no).

I personally would not take any of the kids to someones house; without letting the parent know. I have been invited for coffee by one of the mums who uses my service;s but I have declined as I do not want to take the little one to her house; she is not known by the baby's mum. Should I really be chatting and drinking coffee whilst cm. Different if I was in my own home and having a drink (coffee) out of reach from the baby.

I personal would not feel confident to leave my child.

I'm a cm. we don't have a dog, but do have a cat. The children are generally kept away from the cat as you just can't trust animals behaviour. Occasionally I do let the children stroke her, but it is very controlled and I am there wAtching for any pulling of ears/tail etc. learning to look after animals is a great opportunity for children, but it has to be done correctly. I would not be happy with a dog jumping up at my child. I would not be happy if a dog jumped up at me either, so this would leave me uncomfortable leaving my child with the cm, the dog needs training not to do this.
I would not want my child playing in a garden where a dog was aloud to mess. Even when it is picked up, some of it will still be left on the grass. The cm should be checking her garden each time the children go out to check for hazards and she clearly isn't doing this. A child near me went blind because she fell into some dog poo and wiped it in her eye, so I would not be happy about this at all. I know cm who have sectioned of areas of the garden, one for children, one for dog to prevent this happening.

The marble, again, red flag. Big choking hazard. I am really strict about small toys that could be choking hazards, the older child's just aren't aloud them while the younger ones are here.
How often is the cm going to her friends houses? Is it every day? This would bug me as a parent. Or is it every couple of weeks, to a house where there will be other children there, so more of a play date for the children? I had a friend round for coffee this morning. She bought her daughter who is the same age as my mindee and they played really nicely together. Made the day a bit different as there was a different face here for her to play with. She still got my attention when it was needed, but also a bit of child interaction which is also important. It depends how often it is happening as to how I would feel about it.

Dog jumping up and dog dirt absolutely unacceptable. And as a parent I'd be so cross.

Marble - I'd actually let my 3 year old play with supervised. plus they come out the other end within the week, based on my experience of DS2 swallowing a Magnetix ball at his Nan's
But as a CM with boys who love Lego, there are often bits lying around our home. I obviously remove what I see but it get everywhere! I manage the risk by teaching the child not to put it in their mouth and to give to me when they find it. Rather than living in a sterile no risk environment. But I constantly supervise mine.

Meeting with friends is fine within reason and as long as it's child centred. I'd tend to host though. Doing it day in day out is unacceptable IMO. Are they fellow CM's?

Don't let a poor CM put you off an entire profession though. Find someone else, because the benefits of a CM v a nursery for a young child are big.

BTW the only thing one of my children has choked on is sweet corn at a mealtime when he was 6!

Oh and the marble could've been in his pocket from home. I have a 2.5 yo who fetches all sorts of crap from home. I have to frisk on entry! Think v small pebbles, v small Barbie hair clips, pennies, tiny hair bobbles.

I think your CM sounds crap though.

My dc go to a cm anf to some extent they fit round her life. But it tends to benefit them, eg her dh needs to ho tp garden centre so t a kes dd along to help pick seeds. Your cm sounds dreadful

Child centred - thats the phrase. So cm might meet up with friends who are cm and all do things together. In the past theyve visited her family - who live near the beach. I feel she keeps the essential stuff that thr children won't enjoy at all to a bare minimun when she has them.

Certain things...she should have a pet care policy..you can ask to look at it ...I would be also asking about how oftern dog mess is cleared up...have you seen garden since your initial visit? I would ask to see it unannounced...

As for seeing other people..Anyone not a parent coming into the hosue should sign a visitors book and they are not allowed to be left unsupervised unless they are crb checked...It depends what you mean by revolving around the CMinders life.. I needed to nip my car to the garage for 10 min job so left it at the garage and took mindee down to pet shop as she adores animals... so win/ win... WE came home and did some animla related activites... It all links together but is not necessarily a bad thing... depends what you mean really.

But I would arrange a meeting to raise your concerns..She can't address anything she isn't aware of..If still not happy then look for another childminder.... You should not leave your child with anyone you are not happy with

Thank you all for your excellent advice, we really appreciate it. I just feel so uneasy about all the "incidents". We will arrange a meeting with her but
have started looking for alternative care.

have started looking for alternative care.

Good.

I agree with previous posters about dogs, etc but I have to say that, in my view, parents choose childminders because they want them to experience life as they would have if cared for by their own parents. For that reason I think it's fine to take children to visit friends and family as well as taking them shopping, etc, just as you would with your own child.

Of course you don't sit drinking coffee and chatting for hours every day while ignoring the child. There has to be a balance. A coffee and a chat for an hour while the child plays with others their own age is fine but it can't be at the expense of the child's quality of life.

Gold I agree with parents choosing us because they want the care to replicate family life. My parents don't mind me going shopping. I apologised to one of the Mum's for taking her baby to Tesco and she just said MPB that is why we choose a childminder so it's the same as when he is with us. (I'd been buying noodles etc for the mindees Chinese New Year food)
I never want my parents to feel I take the piss, but at the same time getting out and doing something such as shopping at supermarket or garden centre is good for everyone.

It is up to every parent to decide what they want for their child.

I agree, she shouldn't be letting her dogs jump up on the children and would speak to her about that.

To me the marble incident would not be a big deal, as long as it was a one off. I'm sure most children have at some point or other found a small object and put it in their mouths. The marble could easily have rolled under a bookcase where the childminder didn't see it. Like a PP said, when there are older children in the house with small toys, it is not easy to 100% guarantee that there are no small items around.

I'm a childminder and I 'socialise' almost every day but my friends are mostly other childminders and a few are mums with young children that I have met at playgroups. We meet at a playgroups, soft play, the park or do play dates at each others houses. I'm out and about somewhere or other most mornings. The children all know each other and I find that they have much more fun when they have friends to play with. Obviously it is nice for me to have a chat but this is definitely not the main reason why I meet up with friends. I do it because the children enjoy it. My parents are all very happy with this and it is one of the reasons they chose me but I understand that it is not for everyone.

Again great advice. I totally agree with busydays regarding the marble incident. I know how difficult it can be to ensure that children never pick up small things and put them in their mouths! It was just another
thing that concerned me after the dog mess on the other child. I just feel like every time I collect our dd something else worries me. I have absolutely no problem with the cm taking our child out but it concerns us greatly that we know nothing about it until afterwards and as it appears just to be out to see friends we have no idea who these people are. I also know that if it doesn't feel right then maybe she is just not the cm for us. I don't want to be at work worried about what is happening. I really appreciate all your comments. I just didn't want to be irrational about it
:-)

It's important for you and your DD that you feel comfortable and confident about how she is being cared for.

You aren't at the moment so it's totally rational to make changes.

You need your DD to be somewhere she is thriving, not just being babysat.

Thank you goldmandra, I feel very much reassured :-) (and not so irrational)

Not irrational at all.