fired my aupair!

[CookieDoughKid]

Twice my aupair didn't clean son's toilet seat as part of her bathroom cleaning duties even though I specifically called this out in my email to her. I got the potty out and asked whether she had cleaned it. She had the gall to lie in front of my face. I'm not that sorry that I blew my top at her and asked whether she needed a lesson in cleaning. She's 27 by the way and is Spanish. A reluctant aupair who is only here in the UK because she has not been able to find work in Spain.

After her blatant lying to me I decided to study her CV more closely. And asked her about the three degrees gained at University. She was unable to explain what degree classification received (said she couldn't remember?) And nor could she explain the overlap in years (MSc degree gained at the same time as her second (!!) BSc).

I've just booked her flight home in 5 days.

Would you have fired the aupair too? Incompetence is one thing but lying I feel is a trait not worth employing.

Op you need a cleaner and a nanny an au pair to treat as a skivvy.

Not and au pair

cookiedough, I have recently got rid of an aupair who was lazy. She did not clean according to my instructions and I also suspected of lying when I queried. I think the lying is not malicious, just symptomatic of a personality that is principally lazy, takes the easy way out (i.e. lie rather than face the music) and lack of integrity (hence, prepared to lie to begin with). I let her go also because she was equally lazy with the children and would shout at them rather than build a relationship and be creative in getting them to listen to her.

She is not the right fit for your family or her needs, hence it is best you got rid of her sooner rather than later.

In terms of ushering aupairs out, if the relationship has not completely broken down, after performance managing, you could say it is still not working out and give her time (3 weeks in my case) for her to find another family. You don't have to book her a flight home because once she is in the country, it is much easier for her to find another family. I don't provide references in that instance or only very factual ones (like my HR department does). However, be prepared for her to flit before the notice is up because they love to leave you in the lurch once it gets to this stage.

I will not give the aupair role to someone I took pity on. I only give it to people who really want the job and who I got good references on. You don't want to take a chance on your home life and children with an unknown quantity. Aupairing is not a role you could do a good job if you weren't interested in children and your heart was in it. I would avoid candidates with 3 degrees, real or false, who could not get a better job simply because they would leave as soon as something better comes along. Employers in the real world think in the same way and it is not different for aupairs.

Sorry you had a bad experience, but we all live and learn, frequently the hard way. There are great aupairs out there, but they take a little effort to find. Good luck with your next aupair/nanny.

Katiejon, I chuckled when I read your post. All my aupairs clean toilets. I clean toilets. If my aupair uses the toilet, she can clean it too. And so will my children when they are older. Everyone is a member of the family.

When I started working, I had a professional degree but I still did hand delivering documents, photocopying and faxing hundreds of pages deep into the night - yes, that was back in the day before-email.

I don't understand this idea that some jobs are beneath you.

I was honestly told this by an ap agency, needless to say, I didn't recruit thru them!
Why can I pull out a chair to hoover underneath but someone half my age isn't allowed to?!
I suppose it's to avoid the ap being told to do v heavy housework, eg moiving heavy objects.

For something as minor as that, I wouldn't have fired the Aupair and you should have studied the CV before employing her.

It's not about the fact she didn't clean the potty, it's that she lied about it.

Seems a little harsh to fire after not cleaning the potty - but can understand you not liking the lying. Maybe a warning would have been better?

And you should have checked /queried the cv when you saw her

How old are you children as generally aps shouldn't have under 3's and usually have school aged children but as a potty in use assume uou have a young child?

Lied about it - twice. Lied on a task that I specifically called her to. And its not cleaning every day. I have a cleaner for doing a proper clean of my house. Its a wipe down of kid's toilet support seat/potty, kid's bathroom sink and their bathtub once a fortnight on a Friday (after dropping kids off to school) when my cleaners can't be over to cover it. Is that too much for an aupair? Its the only cleaning within my house she does! And she lied when I asked her what she cleaned. I asked her at 11am in the morning when no kids even around to use the bathroom.

And other things like lying about the amount of food and kind of food my kids consumed which didn't stack up with my children's and husband's account. Basic things like consistently not cooking any meats with my kids meals even though I gave her a choice of meats and fish to cook or missing veg entirely at dinner times. Should I have to explain to a 27yo Food Science degree graduate with a Masters in Diet and Nutrition what the food hould be served at meal times for kids? How simple and creative do you have to be to cook some frozen peas?

You see, if she'd said she'd forgotten or was too tired etc. I would not have minded at all. But with her 1st degree in microbiology, 2nd degree in Food science etc..you'd think she actually was pretty bright. Bright she is and therefore underhanded and deceitful? or not bright and therefore unable to follow instructions? Which is when I started asking her more on what qualifications studied since the age of 16 and what grades she obtained and could she tell me more about the three degrees she studied. she basically was unable to recall ANYTHING and nor was she willing to follow it up with proof.

I was supportive of her finding employment in the UK but she was surprisingly very taken aback when I told her a uk employer may ask for verification of her qualifications. She said in Spain it was very unusual because they have no grading system for any qualifications studied at 16 onwards. Is that really the case for Spain?!! How does one know if you'd be any good to qualify for doctor or dental training?!!

So that's basically why I fired her - based on her attitude and the lying and I've learnt some lessons here for sure!! Thanks for writing in and giving your opinion. I read them all!!

No potty..I called it that mistakenly, its the toilet support seat for a toddler who is toilet trained fully. Ha!! Enough of toilet talking for me this evening!!

Hi.
Don't worry about other posters on this thread.
If u can't rely or trust someone living in your home, then u r right to get them out.

Hi - we've recently asked a new AP from Canada to leave. She stayed with us a week and never managed to do the daily run around the kitchen with a hoover. It was on her week list; I reminded her very gently in the morning; I asked every day after school and she just didn't want to do it. I agree with a couple of other posters - everyone in our household helps out. If it is 'below them', we are below them too. One of our old, wonderful AP has come back and is a wonderful addition to our family. It is a very difficult situation when AP aren't helping out in the way you want them to.

Kotinka, au pairs are supposed to be able to do light housework and certainly if it relates to the children. So stuff like emptying the dishwasher when it is full, picking up after the children, wiping the toddler toilet seat (as in the OP here), hoovering the kitchen floor etc. Basically, a lot of the housework relates to the children e.g. they will most likely have created most of the mess on the kitchen floor after dinner so an au pair could reasonably be expected to hoover it up. They are not however supposed to be in sole charge of cleaning, laundry or cooking. It's a fine line and one which many families completely ignore.

It must be so hard finding a good au pair by the sounds of some of these posts.
There is no way my children would be left with somebody who didn't know them. How do you manage to be confident they are well looked after?
Until you and the children know the au pair they are a stranger.
How do you manage to trust and how do you manage your concience until you trust them.
I would be permanantely beside myself

kotinka, aupairs only look after children above 2-3 years in age so it should not be really full on care the way a baby is.

Many host families combine aupairs with some form of formal childcare such as pt nursery or school. When the dcs are at school etc, it is when I expect the aupair to do housework, not juggle it with childcare. It is all rota-ed in the timetable which I make it very clear to the aupair before she takes up the role.

morethan, I have no problems with my conscience. I have had aupairs for 9 years now. My dcs are old enough to talk. What do you expect could happen? It is very limiting to worry about shadows around the corner. It is not for everyone.

ah dingdong, sadly you have completely missed the point. The aupair wasn't even skivvying. If only.

I am truly astonished by you OP. Did you not background check her before you asked her to come and look after your child. I asked my au pair for references and copies of her academic certificates and passport prior to her arrival, and also asked to see a police check. Reading through the cv is done before even selecting candidates for interview.

The toilet seat issue seams incredibly minor and petty. My au pair is amazing, and I would never expect any cleaning from her. Any she does is a bonus.

Maybe you should apologize to your au pair for being so mean? I hope you are at least giving her pay in lieu of notice.

blueshoes

The OP seems to know very little about her au pair, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night hiring somebody under those circumstances, but each to their own.
I'm sure there are some great au pairs out there and I'm sure there are some parents who know exactly what they are getting and have formed some sort of trust and routine before leaving their dc with somebody, in effect not a stranger.

morethan, of course parents would not just dump their children with any aupair off the street aka stranger. There is the interview process, the induction process, checking of references. I personally call the referees (who are the aupair's previous host family) and ask detailed questions and cross check their answers against what the aupair told me about them.

That is enough for me and in my 9 years of using aupairs, seems to work well. Your concern is against using childcare, not just aupairs per se.

splash, it does not seem to take a lot to astonish you. I am sure you are great aupair employer who only ends up with equally great aupairs but the point of your post is lost on the OP because of your rather hectoring and sanctimonous tone.

FWIW my amazing aupairs all do cleaning.

Does wiping down a toilet seat after a toddler has used it count as "cleaning"? On that basis, presumably you could never expect an au pair to put away dishes after the toddler has eaten or clean the kitchen floor after said toddler has come in from the park and tramped mud all over it. I think there needs to be some common sense applied to what is expected. This strikes me as completely different to, say, handing the au pair a mop and detergent and telling her to clean the bathroom?