Pregnant nanny

[N4nny90]

Im a nanny and need some employers advice

Im a nanny. Been working with this family for a year in feb. kids are school age so only work 4 hours a day. Im dreading telling my boss. I know the family rely on me to look after their boys and i feel awful leaving them in the lurch when i go on mat leave. When i went for interview they said they were looking for a nanny until the boys left high school so 10+ years and asked if i was planning children i said no not in near future but explained i didnt want to wait 10+ years for my own family, obviously things changed and my partner and i decided to start trying. I asked if i was to fall pregnant if baby could come back with me. At first she said no so i declined the job but then said i could. Now im worried they may not allow it and im not putting my child into care to look after someone elses child.

How would you feel if this was your nanny. I fully intend to return after mat leave but only if baby can come too.

I have been in this situation twice as an employer.

Yes it's a hassle looking for cover but not impossible when you are given notice. You also get all the maternity pay back .

As the boys are school age, they are old enough to understand why you are leaving and adjust to a new nanny. Ime kids are pretty adaptable , I worried far more than they did. It was also bit unrealistic of your employer to think you would stay for ten years!!!.

As for right to return, you have no automatic legal right to come back with baby. Tbh it sounds as if your employer wasn't that happy about idea.

If you come back there may be an adjustment to salary as typically nannies with own kids paid less. Also you need to think how it would work practically.

Where would you put baby kit (and you would have to buy it - employer may not want high chair etc cluttering home and won't want to baby proof).? what do you do if your child is ill? What do you do about activities with your dc/their dc (eg taking your dc along)? How do you juggle all three (eg cook big dc tea, do bed time rtc)? Realistically how will you manage with your baby which may need to go to bed before you finish work.

None of these things are insurmountable but you need to have goodwill on both sides and think how to solve issues.

Bit of a side issue, but they can't ask you if you're planning children when you go for a job interview! Completely inappropriate as they wouldn't have asked a male candidate the same question.

How old are the boys you nanny for? I guess some of it depends on the age gap between your baby and them.

I have school age children and had a nanny who went on maternity leave. I was fine when she told me (and your employer should not have asked you about your plans). The maternity leave was fine. I was able to arrange a temp fairly easily and she came back quite quickly for financial reasons (and payroll agency sorted all the SMP stuff). My kids were fine about it. I also said yes to her bringing her DC. My kids really loved the baby. Worked ok to start with but when her DC became properly mobile it was not great as her child really did need almost all of her attention. She was also supposed to work a couple of mornings when DC at school to do their laundry etc and I suspect she stopped coming or curtailed her hours and did most of that stuff while my DC were at home (and my DC could entertain her baby!). I ended up feeling like I was paying her to look after her own child and I think that is the impression you woud need to avoid.

Not sure i would repeat the experience but if I did I would view the pay differently (part of our feeling of resentment was because we did not reduce pay when she came back with her own baby as we knew and trusted her to do as good a job as before with our DC). She did not provide the same service, although our DC were still well cared for. Maybe we woud have felt less resentful if we had reduced pay to acknowledge the service woud change.

Did they really ask you if you were planning on having children at interview?
That is really none of their business and any employer employing a female in a child bearing age should know that it is a possibility.
It's really up to them to decide if they allow you to bring your baby. Legally they must keep the same job open for you. If they decline you bringing the baby they can make you redundant and employ somebody else.

My partner is self employed to can juggle clients to help me out eg pic baby up before i do boy tea. Ect. The only activities boys do is after school at school so just means later pic up times so wouldnt have to have baby there waiting for them to finish. I finish at 6.30 so would try for a routine that meant babies bed time was 7.30. Will have to discuss tea although not too worried about taking babies tea with me to work as it will be weaning food instead of hard food.

Boys are 6 and 7 will be 7 and 8 when i go back to work.

We declined our nanny request to return to work with her baby based on:
Logistics so buggy (our trio still in buggy), car seats and room in our car/their car.
Less attention on our trio because of baby demands ie breastfeeding, spoon feeding whilst ours run around unattended so how will you juggle their homework etc.
Baby items in our house when we were removing such things as highchairs, baby toys, buggy, cot for naps etc and some of these items need space ie where will baby nap and will kids need to be quiet etc.
Baby proofing our house again with no small choking risk toys, baby gates and pens etc
Additionally we have a dog who is fine with our trio as babies but we were there and dog had rules. Our dog wasnt keen on other babies. Nannt idea of confining dog to the garden was a major deal breaker to me.
There are also considerations for what illnesses baby needs to stay home rather than come to work with you. Are the family willing to accept your babies sickness restricting your work and babies can be sick alot. Do you have alternative care arrangements?
I also didnt want my childrens activities curtailed by thennannys child so this may be an issue.
All these factors meant I said no. Not many women can take their child to work. If I had been obliging I would have insisted on a pay drop as you are changing the contract from sole charge to a shared care.
Hope this helps to see veiws from employers side.

I would work through all the likely questions/issues before you advise that you are pregnant.
What equipment will you need to leave there (cot at minimum unless you plan Scandinavian style outdoor naps)
Where will you stick the pram during the day (if you don't drive to work)
Under what circumstances would your employer not wish your child to be at work with you? Her children ill/yours?
Who will look after your child if it is ill or her children are?
When would you like to return to work and when will you confirm this (post birth)
What your salary expectations are if you bring your child to work with you?
How will your day alter and how will you manage to fulfill your responsibilities with another child to look after?

"and asked if i was planning children"

Seriously? That's illegal for a start.

You have the absolute right to take 6 months off and come back to the same job, or take up to one year off and come back to the job - but it may not be identical. You have no right to bring your child with you, that would be a matter for negotiation. And you only have to give a month or so's notice of wanting to come back

(do check all of this with a lawyer).

Yes, as a parent, nanny getting pregnant would be a monumental hassle but it's part of being an employer. How dare they imply that you should delay your fertility for the job! I'm speechless.

One more thing to think about - I know you don't want to put your baby in childcare, but is being dragged about after two much older children really the best thing for a young baby? If you need to work financially, maybe some time with a childminder where they will socialise with other children and have age appropriate activities wouldn't be too bad?

Hope it all works out for you.

Wow i had no idea they aren't allowed to ask that!
As for dragging baby around with older boys its only 4 hours a day one in am and 3 in pm so really not too bad. I will take baby to groups during the day to socialise but dead against putting my baby in childcare. If i cant go back to this job its a deal breaker for me. I feel quite strongly about that. Im not pretending it will be easy. There's alot to think about on both sides.
My jobs basically drop boys to school.
Pick them up take them home play cook tea and get ready for bed. Parents take over from 6.30.
I never find myself going backwards and forwards to activities as they only do 1 each a week and that just means later start for me.

Are you being paid for the hours you are planning to take your baby to groups?

Lovelynannytobe - Not sure if they would make the nanny redundant if they didn't want her to bring baby - as their job is still there and not changing but it's the nanny who is changing it by wanting to bring baby

Op would hand her notice in

Do you do anything else during the day? As in not many nannies would want to work just 4hrs a day or be able to afford that

Would you look for a new job all day and take baby with you?

What happens in holidays do you work full time? Would your partner always be able to look after your baby from
5pm?

And congrats :)

Thebossofme i dont work during the day so wouldnt get paid when i take baby to groups anyway!

Also quite happy working 4 hours a day. Gave up a 60hr week job as i also have a horse and was proving impossible to fit work, horse, housework and my partner in. I dont need to work any more than that financially so very lucky.

I do work full time in holiday but my mum is a teacher so gets holidays off too so she has already offered to look after baby 3+ days a week during holidays.

Obviously my partner cant 100% of the time be home for baby at 5pm but when he isn't home at 5pm hes usually home in the morning so baby wouldnt be with me for the full 4 hours i work ever.

I am fortunate to have a huge support group around me between brothers sisters parents grandparents and friends there will nearly always be an alternative option for a couple of hours here and there when things dont go to plan but my partner and i fully intend to be our child's primary carer for its first few years.

Have to say that there is a HUGE demand for nannies who work the hours that you do so if yoru employer does not want you to go back with your baby, you will have no difficulty finding another role.

The other thing is that there's a huge difference between not wanting someone you barely know to bring a baby into the house and someone you do know and the children are very fond of, and who you trust etc etc - people may change their mind.

One thing is make sure you don't clutter house with baby stuff.
I have taken mine to work and have always just used a decent sling ( no pram in way/ quicker on school runs/ can carry baby in house when busy). Not a baby bjorn but a decent soft structured one they can go on front when small/ back when bigger. Mine always just slept on a sheepskin rug at work so could just take baby sleeping bag ( or leave rolled up in cupboard)
We always had late bedtime too so they could actually nap more when convient for you. Ie you could get baby to nap in sling when small during 5-6.30pm ish so you can sort boys dinner/ help with homework whilst they sleep. Then just bed at 9pm so you can get home, cook, play together, then bed, so they get some time just with you after

Whilst you seem insistent on taking your baby to work with you, it is not your decision. Your employer will decide if they are willing to accept the compromise on the care they perceive they will get. Your job will be held open as legally required and you can return to it without your baby. If you choose not to accept that then the daythat you do not return becomes your last day of employment as you will have breached your contractual obligations. Your employer does not need to make you redundant. Obviously the more notice you give your employer the more chance you have on discussing the options.

Our nanny had a baby, took a year off, returned with baby. It was fine. My children are similar ages to the family here.

I know its my employers desicion but its my desicion as to whether or not i go back without baby. Not something i am willing to do so would most deffinately be a deal breaker if it wasnt allowed.

I would definitely give a job to a nanny that was willing to be paid just for school wraparound care, even if she had a baby. If this employer isn't happy with it, don't stress, you're certain to find someone who will, assuming you're good at your job.

This is true about before/after school positions - as not many hours so many nannies don't want them

Your employer may releise that and be happy for you to take baby and if not there are many positions like this and sure you will find one that you can take baby to :)

Congrats on your pregnancy.

You say that children currently only do after schoo activity.. don't forget to factor in that that could easily change.

One of the benefits if having a nanny vs a childminder is flexibility with.clubs and activities, so you have to bear in.mind the DC may start cubs, karate, swimming etc and you wld need to take / watch / bring home etc..

I've had nannies with babies before, it worked out ok, but I now have a nanny without own child and I prefer it because my DC are older and she is more of a taxi !!!

• more of a taxi in the nicest possible way!!!

Boys both do karate after school and both swim at the weekends plus they do other activities during their lunch breaks. Play dates either get picked up if they
Come back with us or my charges are dropped home. Just the way its always happened from day 1. Also youngest finishes at 3.30 and eldest finishes at 3.50 from same school then its straight home to do the massive amount of homework they have and then straight into dinner bath and bed. They must be in pjs by 6.30pm when i leave so no time for any other activities outside of school. By the time the eldest goes to high school and youngest goes to upper school my child will be school age and so pick up times will be staggered mine between 3-3.30 then youngest at 3.50 amd eldest at 4.15.

A couple of other points to think about.

I would not stress too much the importance of taking your baby to work with you as I think it could potentially offend (you only have to see wohm v . Sahm threads here!). You want to get your employer on your side . If you emphasise how you won't leave your baby in childcare (entirely your decision), she may tahr it as perceived criticism of her choices.

The other point is the car you use. Will it fit all three kids safely? Also how easy is it to transfer car seat across,? this is sounds small but if your morning timing is tight , you may not have much time to fiddle around fitting car seat in. do you want to but another to go in their car? How would mb feel about car seat in family car (see earlier point on baby clutter)?

I also agree with other posters about not getting too set on how activities are now. Kids can change activities and even schools so how your day look can change.

Also when you think ahead, would your lo be in school/nursery near your charges and how would you deal with it?

I am just trying to think of likely issues that I would raise if I was mb. I raise the "what if" about schools as I know it is very long way off but your mb seems to think ahead so may ask.

I would not hire someone who brought their children to work as a matter of routine (obviously if there is some extenuating circumstance on the odd occasion, that's different).